It's the 3rd day I came back to Germany. As usual I need time to adapt again and this time it's far harder to adapt than the first time due to some changes in my personal life. I have a few things to settle. Firstly my bank card is barred due to some security reason. Every semester I have to go to the bank to tell them "Yes blardy hell I'm still in Germany as student so plz f**king unfreeze my acc." Well of course I don't say that to the bank officer, just to myself lolz. 2ndly my vodafone sim card is badly damaged so they need to replace a new card and I just don't understand why it takes 3 days to replace a new card. Then in 2 months time I need to renew my visa. These are the few things I need to settle to assure a smooth stay in Germany. Well you can be proud that you're living in an organized country, but u'll have to do alot of these blardy registrations. Records after records. Just F*** them off la!!!!
Now, after settling all these, must start planning for my academic stuff di. Just in case some of you don't know how the system works here, let me briefly explain. It's total freedom here, yaeehhhh!!!. Wooo don't be so happy first, freedom means they'll just throw u a list of subs u need to complete within your academic years. They'll give you a guideline of what subject you will take for this semester but it's your own choice to take watever subject u like from the given list. In another words, if u think u're superman, u can even finish all ur subs in just 1 year. but if u're a tortoise, then u'll probably take longer. I've actually dropped some subs in the 3rd sem so I need to take it in this sem. So I guess I am taking quite alot of subs this sem. Of course, besides planning for my studies, I am also making a time table for my personal time. Distributing studies and leisure time equally, I want to have full control of my own life. For 21 yers of life, I've screwed it up actually. When I was young, my parents do the planning for me. All I need to do is to follow instructions and my life will always be under control. Now that I'm a young adult, I have to do my own planning. So here comes a question : For 21 years of life I've not really plan my daily routine before, so what assures myself that I'm going to be in control again?? Answer is simple. The situation is different now. I have an external motivation giving me enough force to do what I've planned. Another reason is because I REGRET!!!
Speaking about regrets, I've just 2 much regrets in my life. I've screwed up my 2nd year. I've no reason/excuse but to blame myself. Within this year, I've spent too much for gadgets, clothings, travellings and many more but I've not been doing what I'm here for : STUDY!!! Of course besides this, I do have other regrets that I just can't do anything to change it. Now, I need to choose. Choice A : I sit on a corner keep on thinking bout it, keep on blaming myself and hope someone will come n smack me on the head so that i'll be awake. Choice B : I stop regretting, and start doing work to be a better person. Obviously Choice B is the best solution, but for the time being, let me just stick to choice A for while first k lolz!!!. Nah I am not repeating my mistakes anymore, never!!!
Sighz, Its my 3rd year now and things are getting much harder. But during the first 18 years of my life, my family, my friends and all the people surrounding me trained me well to take up challenge and now its time to show how well i can tackle problems. With all the aura they gave to me, and now with an extra powerful aura(from my darling), I will survive. I still remember how the situation was when I first reached germany. Ok, try imagine that u're coming to an alien land, where nobody speaks ur language and you don't even have a place to stay with at least 40kg of load in total with you. Oh, actually don't need to imagine cause u'll never know the pain i've been thru. The first 5 days in Germany was totally hell for me. And to be honest, I almost gave up but I didn't. And finally I'm a survival now. I guess all i need is to put in more effort.
Enough of complaining i guess. I just think too much. I will be fine dun worry. I miss my darling so much. I just want to tell her how much i appreciate her and all the things she've done for me. Its a very big sacrifice for her to walk this path of LDR. I'm sorry honey for putting you in such tough situation. I just want to tell you that I'll not giv up on this relationship, not anymore. Sighz, she've done so much for me, and i felt I've not done enough for her. So sorry dear. I guess at this point, the best gift I could ever give her is to work hard so I can get the degree asap and return to Msia for good.
I'm sorry for posting such a long entry. I can't help it. I'm depressed now, but i'll be fine. For those who read from the top till the bottom, thank u very much for listening to Douglasology™'s crap. for those who read partially, thanks for even bothering to read it. for those who did not even bother to read, haha thanks to u too, for dunno wat reason lolzz.!!!
