It's been long since i update. I always have to start with this phrase isn't it? Nah not that I've lost interest in blogging, just don't have the time. I haven't even blog about the Penang trip, not to mention about the recent trip to Australia which wasn't that fun, and gave all of us a fear because of the Influenza A(H1N1). Don't worry coz I have no fever nor flu symptoms during the 10 days period i came back and till now no sign of it, so I'm still quite free from the virus. If I ever (touchwood) had it, it won't be imported case anymore but local transmitted.
Too much I wanna share, but just too limited energy to spit out everything. Just update a lil on my life now. Still doing the part time job in the law firm in Midvalley. Doing clerical/typing job but at the same time learned alot bout the law. Though I would prefer to do have a job related to Engineering, but I know myself that my availability is not so suitable for one. Law is something that I don't really like despite I follow the law quite well, and I know I can't escape from it no matter where I am. My dislike about law is more towards the way things is organized. Not sure how to explain that as I am not a good describer.
I am always dead tired despite only doing this job for less than 2 months and it's only a part time. Most of the time I really missed my Internship/Thesis life in Fraunhofer Insitute, Germany. Though I have much more responsibility there, I felt more relax doing my job there. Why? Because it's my interest. I tend to pay more attention to what I do and therefore more careful. I mean, It's just so easy to set a circuit board on fire, than to burn a piece of contract right? I just love doing all those lab work. Though most of the time I have to really move my brain compare to what I'm doing now, I still love it so much. I love solving mathematical problems rather than arguing or telling someone that they have been summoned to pay money. I love soldering work rather than sending letters or reading Agreement. I love troubleshooting electrical signals rather than finding which Clause or section the defendant have offended in terms of law.
Well that's more or less about my life. I'm just being kinda emotional these days. I've seen changes around me, people around me, and also myself. But I'm a person who's stuck in da past. I just love the old me, the old things around me. I mean, Yes alot of those changes are in a way a positive one, but the very fact that changes happen means, you're no more in your comfort zone. I'm inflexible person. I would just love to stay in my comfort zone. But I can definately handle challenges if I have to face them. Just as an example I learned how to survive in Germany for 4 years. But that is because I was forced to face it. I'm very passive. I have to be pushed to face challenges. Sometimes I just can't take it easy on things despite there's nothing much I can do. I am kinda "overprotecting" myself in a way. I tend to misinterprete words so easily these days, as if I've lost my sense. I felt like a kid now, or rather I am craving so badly to turn back time to be a naive kid again. Yes, I am still naive now, a naive adult loser.
Anywayz I'm quitting my job this month so I would have more time to update. Hopefully I would have the motivation to blog!
Loooong since i update. Still as busy as usual. Or rather busy during working hours, dead tired and sleepy after that. Now that I'm in office during saturdays and normally bosses don't come so early, I get to blog.
Life seems pretty enjoyable despite the busyness and tiredness throughout the past few weeks. Had some wonderful outings and I know rumors or worse criticism has been circulating around me about myself. Not that I don't care, but all I can say is that human tend to see things on the surface. They judge based on the surface and therefore made conclusion before truly understanding the situation. I believe a wise person, or rather a true friend will understand me and probably change their thoughts on me when they get to know how I feel bout things. Anyway, seems abstract but I'll not go in details.
Recently, I've heard horrible news from friends, newspaper, media etc., such as raping, nude pics taken, murder, slaughter, etc etc. Where is the love?? What's wrong with these people?? I'll talk about the nude pics thingy since the others, I can only pray and hope that these people are brought to a fair justice and hope no more of his will happen. I bet u guys have read bout it in The Star newspaper and someone wrote a letter too saying the same opinion as i have. It's about this gal filing a police report of a threat by her ex-boyfriend to pose up her naked pics on the net if she doesn't pay a "break-up" fees. The question is, Why da hell do u allow someone to take naked pics of yours? I ask this question not just to a boy-gal relationship, but even to married couples. I mean, yes I know we do crazy things and we sometimes go over the limit when we're commited to the other person. We can do almost everything for them to make them happy. But not like that.
It's just the same thing. Alot of them aware of the danger of smoking to themselves and the people around them. But they still smoke. Why? Why do when u know it's harmful? Most of them will say to me that I'll understand them when I face the same stress level as them. Ermmm, there are many other ways to manage stress my dear "friend", and smoking is the last solution in that list. Some will also tell me it's peer pressure or worse, some will say it looks cool. You know why humans are different class of species? Because we have the ability to make our own judgement on things!!! So please don't tell me that you smoke or do other things you don't want to because people around you asked u to do so. If you have your stand, and you are firm with your principles, no one can shake you from doing those. I won't say that I'm a very strong person, but at least in terms of this, I'm good at it. I have never done things that goes against my principles no matter what type of stress or pressure I face. You know how i manage stress till this far? I think of my love ones. I think of the things they prevent me from doing for my own good, eventhough I was lost in contact with them for some time. I do my hobbies to release it, such as blogging, playing guitar, sports. I am not just talking about smoking here but in general to the things that you don't really want to do. Don't do it for whatever reason k? Everything comes with a consequences and sometimes it can be very very bad. Think before you act.
Life seems pretty enjoyable despite the busyness and tiredness throughout the past few weeks. Had some wonderful outings and I know rumors or worse criticism has been circulating around me about myself. Not that I don't care, but all I can say is that human tend to see things on the surface. They judge based on the surface and therefore made conclusion before truly understanding the situation. I believe a wise person, or rather a true friend will understand me and probably change their thoughts on me when they get to know how I feel bout things. Anyway, seems abstract but I'll not go in details.
Recently, I've heard horrible news from friends, newspaper, media etc., such as raping, nude pics taken, murder, slaughter, etc etc. Where is the love?? What's wrong with these people?? I'll talk about the nude pics thingy since the others, I can only pray and hope that these people are brought to a fair justice and hope no more of his will happen. I bet u guys have read bout it in The Star newspaper and someone wrote a letter too saying the same opinion as i have. It's about this gal filing a police report of a threat by her ex-boyfriend to pose up her naked pics on the net if she doesn't pay a "break-up" fees. The question is, Why da hell do u allow someone to take naked pics of yours? I ask this question not just to a boy-gal relationship, but even to married couples. I mean, yes I know we do crazy things and we sometimes go over the limit when we're commited to the other person. We can do almost everything for them to make them happy. But not like that.
It's just the same thing. Alot of them aware of the danger of smoking to themselves and the people around them. But they still smoke. Why? Why do when u know it's harmful? Most of them will say to me that I'll understand them when I face the same stress level as them. Ermmm, there are many other ways to manage stress my dear "friend", and smoking is the last solution in that list. Some will also tell me it's peer pressure or worse, some will say it looks cool. You know why humans are different class of species? Because we have the ability to make our own judgement on things!!! So please don't tell me that you smoke or do other things you don't want to because people around you asked u to do so. If you have your stand, and you are firm with your principles, no one can shake you from doing those. I won't say that I'm a very strong person, but at least in terms of this, I'm good at it. I have never done things that goes against my principles no matter what type of stress or pressure I face. You know how i manage stress till this far? I think of my love ones. I think of the things they prevent me from doing for my own good, eventhough I was lost in contact with them for some time. I do my hobbies to release it, such as blogging, playing guitar, sports. I am not just talking about smoking here but in general to the things that you don't really want to do. Don't do it for whatever reason k? Everything comes with a consequences and sometimes it can be very very bad. Think before you act.
Yeah all i can say is that I'm working part time now, but still work from 9-6. I have to go office at 7am in da morning though since my father still have skul. And I normally sleep at 2am in da morning coz i will have a nap right after my dinner except for fridays. it's kinda shitty to do it such a way coz it's unhealthy. Well it's 1.35am now and i better go sleep otherwise i'll need loads of kaffein later today.
I just want to post up the new snow cap i bought which i've been looking for it for damn long time di. I would prefer to have a white one but too bad they don't have. So black will do. For the time being, I'll just present a photo of it taken wif my N70 front camera, and a photoshop version. Yes i know my photoshop skill sux...but watever....i'll be back wif more when i have the time...
I just want to post up the new snow cap i bought which i've been looking for it for damn long time di. I would prefer to have a white one but too bad they don't have. So black will do. For the time being, I'll just present a photo of it taken wif my N70 front camera, and a photoshop version. Yes i know my photoshop skill sux...but watever....i'll be back wif more when i have the time...
You know one thing I realized after so long I'm back, I observed that our country has upgraded in some sense. Despite still having terrible road condition, there are more fly-overs and highways that are more convenient for us motorist. I've also noticed the significant increase in export cars on the road, even those where i rarely see on the streets last 2 1/2 years ago. Even our very own local cars are improving(in terms of design at least), with the new series of proton and perodua cars. Malls are increasing with more designers franchise. Previously you can only get designer products in Bintang Walk area or KLCC but now you can even get some in The Gardens, Pavilion, and some in 1Utama. Broadband services are much more compatitive these days with P1, Mobile broadband (Maxis, Digi, Celcom), and our pride Streamyx. Although still lag behind, but you can see we're improving. Of course its more than that.
Seeing all those improvements, I felt so proud of my own country. However, I felt that I'm really lost here. I felt that I'm starting to lose pace and kinda lag behind already.
Now even my friends have "upgraded" i felt. Well mostly material wise but also maturity. Well I can't really describe what I meant by upgraded in terms of material, but I'll give example. It's like in da past, they enter SEED shop and we think it's classy. Nowadays, they go Esprit, Zara, Topshop and we think it's classy. Last time we go pizza hut once a while during outings, now we go Italian restaurants for it. Starbucks seems so unaffordable, but now it seems regular. Last time it's Megamall, now it's Gardens. Last time it's Oh! Sushi, now it's Jogoya. Last time it's Casio/Swatch, now it's Titus/Tag Heuer. Last time it's Nokia 3310, now it's Iphone. Last time it's USB stick mp3, now it's Ipod Touch. Many many more....
Of course you would say that most friends are working and therefore have a better purchasing power. But I'm talking about the purchasing mentality not power. I think those stuff are also affordable to some last time, but just that they don't go for it. It's more like mentally upgraded than financially upgraded. I remember saving like mad just to get a swatch watch worth RM199 for my girlfriend during high school and that's like one of those big achievement coz it's freaking damn expensive. Nowadays, RM199 is like "slightly better than no brand" that's all.
Ok enough for the materials. Maturity? We talked about job market. We talked about share markets. We talked about our country in 10 years to come. We talked about possible development and the effects on us. We talked politics in a deeper manner. We talked about travelling in a more sophisicated way. But I just don't seem to blend with them anymore. Obviously it's because I'm not working yet. In fact I'm no where close to working since I'll be doing my masters soon. Even that, my friends who are not in the finance line they can talk about financial stuff, but i can't. I don't even have a single simple finance knowledge. I don't even know what's crossed cheque, bankdraft n stuff. OMG!!!! Dammit!!!
I am so out these days!!!
Seeing all those improvements, I felt so proud of my own country. However, I felt that I'm really lost here. I felt that I'm starting to lose pace and kinda lag behind already.
Now even my friends have "upgraded" i felt. Well mostly material wise but also maturity. Well I can't really describe what I meant by upgraded in terms of material, but I'll give example. It's like in da past, they enter SEED shop and we think it's classy. Nowadays, they go Esprit, Zara, Topshop and we think it's classy. Last time we go pizza hut once a while during outings, now we go Italian restaurants for it. Starbucks seems so unaffordable, but now it seems regular. Last time it's Megamall, now it's Gardens. Last time it's Oh! Sushi, now it's Jogoya. Last time it's Casio/Swatch, now it's Titus/Tag Heuer. Last time it's Nokia 3310, now it's Iphone. Last time it's USB stick mp3, now it's Ipod Touch. Many many more....
Of course you would say that most friends are working and therefore have a better purchasing power. But I'm talking about the purchasing mentality not power. I think those stuff are also affordable to some last time, but just that they don't go for it. It's more like mentally upgraded than financially upgraded. I remember saving like mad just to get a swatch watch worth RM199 for my girlfriend during high school and that's like one of those big achievement coz it's freaking damn expensive. Nowadays, RM199 is like "slightly better than no brand" that's all.
Ok enough for the materials. Maturity? We talked about job market. We talked about share markets. We talked about our country in 10 years to come. We talked about possible development and the effects on us. We talked politics in a deeper manner. We talked about travelling in a more sophisicated way. But I just don't seem to blend with them anymore. Obviously it's because I'm not working yet. In fact I'm no where close to working since I'll be doing my masters soon. Even that, my friends who are not in the finance line they can talk about financial stuff, but i can't. I don't even have a single simple finance knowledge. I don't even know what's crossed cheque, bankdraft n stuff. OMG!!!! Dammit!!!
I am so out these days!!!
around 3 months ago on the 23th January, I touched down at KLIA from a long 16 hours flight from Germany. As I fly with another friend, both of us were very excited when we were about to reach KLIA. I had so many plans and also worries at that time I remember. One thing for sure is that I want to enjoy as much as I can because I know that I will not stay for long. Many of those plans didn't work out till this far though, and there are many surprises on the way which i did not expect it to happen.
Well, I just wanna do a highlights summary on those 3 months as I suddenly had a flashback on it. First of all, the board game "Die Siedler von Catan" or "The Settlers of Catan". Now almost everyone around me gets addicted to this game. We've been playing so regularly and it's like some sorta routine di. Seriously those out there that haven't played it, you should try it.
Trips. from Malacca, to Kuching, to Hong Kong, and the recent Penang Trip which I've promised to blog about but still quite lazy to do so. Malacca trip was good because I finally get to meet my relatives after so many years. It was also CNY that time so I really had a good time. Kuching wasn't that great but was good as I get to meet my brother and first time meeting up with his girlfriend. Hong Kong was good in terms of goodies. Bought quite some stuff from there. Penang Trip was the most enjoyable for me this far.
Celebrations. I finally get to celebrate CNY and my Birthday back here. My birthday wasn't a great one but it was kinda special in some ways.
Not to forget the admission letter for masters course. At least I've confirmed when and what my next step would be.
Well I guess that's the highlights of what I've done. I felt great that I get to do so many things, but on the other hand I do felt very lonely and emotional from time to time. I felt that I've already reach the peak of my holiday and I know the next few months wouldnt be anymore pleasant. Emotional problem rises like mad these days and I can tell u sometimes I really can't stand it especially when I'm alone at home. I sometimes wish that none of these ever started although I had very enjoyable moments.
I'm so dried up now. I mean I'm moodless already. Now that I only have 3 months to go, I should enjoy every moment doing things that i want to do before I leave. But I don't have the will and power anymore. I just feel like leaving here as soon as possble. I know I wouldn't be happy either leaving this country, but at least I get to escape all those emo problems I faced here.
Well, I just wanna do a highlights summary on those 3 months as I suddenly had a flashback on it. First of all, the board game "Die Siedler von Catan" or "The Settlers of Catan". Now almost everyone around me gets addicted to this game. We've been playing so regularly and it's like some sorta routine di. Seriously those out there that haven't played it, you should try it.
Trips. from Malacca, to Kuching, to Hong Kong, and the recent Penang Trip which I've promised to blog about but still quite lazy to do so. Malacca trip was good because I finally get to meet my relatives after so many years. It was also CNY that time so I really had a good time. Kuching wasn't that great but was good as I get to meet my brother and first time meeting up with his girlfriend. Hong Kong was good in terms of goodies. Bought quite some stuff from there. Penang Trip was the most enjoyable for me this far.
Celebrations. I finally get to celebrate CNY and my Birthday back here. My birthday wasn't a great one but it was kinda special in some ways.
Not to forget the admission letter for masters course. At least I've confirmed when and what my next step would be.
Well I guess that's the highlights of what I've done. I felt great that I get to do so many things, but on the other hand I do felt very lonely and emotional from time to time. I felt that I've already reach the peak of my holiday and I know the next few months wouldnt be anymore pleasant. Emotional problem rises like mad these days and I can tell u sometimes I really can't stand it especially when I'm alone at home. I sometimes wish that none of these ever started although I had very enjoyable moments.
I'm so dried up now. I mean I'm moodless already. Now that I only have 3 months to go, I should enjoy every moment doing things that i want to do before I leave. But I don't have the will and power anymore. I just feel like leaving here as soon as possble. I know I wouldn't be happy either leaving this country, but at least I get to escape all those emo problems I faced here.
When changes comes, it does more or less leave a scar on everything. The scar might be a good one, as some would use it as remembrance, but in most cases it would be a hurting one. there's a chinese saying, 凡走过必留下痕迹, which exactly describe what i've mentioned above.
I hate changes sometimes. I'm not a flexible person, I don't adapt to new environments or parameters that easily. The worse kind of changes that i hate to experience are those flash or instant changes. Those that happen so sudden. You imagine today you're having a happy day and the next day you have a whole streak of unhappy incident and it happens with the same party and same variables. Sometimes i even get misunderstood for changes. Sometimes those changes looks positive on the surface, but turns out negative when you get deeper into it.
Sometimes, u see a light shining the path in front of you and you naturally thought it was hope, but it turns out that the hopeful path will only lead you to a dead end where you can't even turn back. every step u took in this path, you put more hopes on it. but the higher the hopes, the harder you fall. But in most situations, you didn't choose this path. its just so natural that you want to walk on it coz u hope for something more.
Sigh, the emo streak continues. I've never been that emo since i came back. I shouldn't look at things so heavily, or should i say i took things too seriously and now i'm unable to turn back. My only path now is to walk on, and try to find branches that would lead me out of this dead-end.
I hate changes sometimes. I'm not a flexible person, I don't adapt to new environments or parameters that easily. The worse kind of changes that i hate to experience are those flash or instant changes. Those that happen so sudden. You imagine today you're having a happy day and the next day you have a whole streak of unhappy incident and it happens with the same party and same variables. Sometimes i even get misunderstood for changes. Sometimes those changes looks positive on the surface, but turns out negative when you get deeper into it.
Sometimes, u see a light shining the path in front of you and you naturally thought it was hope, but it turns out that the hopeful path will only lead you to a dead end where you can't even turn back. every step u took in this path, you put more hopes on it. but the higher the hopes, the harder you fall. But in most situations, you didn't choose this path. its just so natural that you want to walk on it coz u hope for something more.
Sigh, the emo streak continues. I've never been that emo since i came back. I shouldn't look at things so heavily, or should i say i took things too seriously and now i'm unable to turn back. My only path now is to walk on, and try to find branches that would lead me out of this dead-end.
Everything has an opposite side. We humans like to differentiate things in general to right or wrong. I'm not a Philosopher and neither have I done my Doctor Philosophy, but I have my views on right or wrong, guilt and regrets, happy and sad...and many more.
I always mentioned that when it comes to decision making, we have our rational part and emotional part. Sometimes we make decision based on very solid prove and taking every consequences into account, but sometimes we just choose to follow our heart. Of course in most situation, rationality gives us the right solution, but not all the time. Sometimes we have to follow what our heart says.
I have been very emotional these days. In fact I made alot of decision and action based on emotion. Sometimes it does bring me guilt in terms of the so called "right or wrong", or in simple way it's simply wrong to do so, but i rather have guilts than regrets. A close friend of mine once told me, as long as you're happy just do it.
But I just want to say, no matter how wrong it is or how much guilt it can bring to me, I know what I'm doing. I'm emotionally rational.
Remember my post about losing confidence? I think I've started to gain back some. I really don't know where the energy come from. I guess mainly its the support of my friends. I've been driving further now and though I've still phobias of parallel parking or sometimes even reverse park, but at least I manage to drive to One Utama and SS2 without any problems or fear. I think I know that's the main problem before this -MYSELF. I'm just so reluctant to adapt back to the culture here. I felt I don't belong here, neither do I belong to anywhere else. After my acceptance in Singapore NTU, I felt I have to adapt myself to the culture here, afterall singapore's culture is not much different from Msia, most part of it.
Anyway I do hope for a time freeze machine. Or rather I hope for a time travel machine. I want to turn back time. I want to repent those mistakes I've ever done. I wish I can start my life again. Well, no need to restart from the beginning, just bring me back to moments where I need to patch things up.
I always mentioned that when it comes to decision making, we have our rational part and emotional part. Sometimes we make decision based on very solid prove and taking every consequences into account, but sometimes we just choose to follow our heart. Of course in most situation, rationality gives us the right solution, but not all the time. Sometimes we have to follow what our heart says.
I have been very emotional these days. In fact I made alot of decision and action based on emotion. Sometimes it does bring me guilt in terms of the so called "right or wrong", or in simple way it's simply wrong to do so, but i rather have guilts than regrets. A close friend of mine once told me, as long as you're happy just do it.
But I just want to say, no matter how wrong it is or how much guilt it can bring to me, I know what I'm doing. I'm emotionally rational.
Remember my post about losing confidence? I think I've started to gain back some. I really don't know where the energy come from. I guess mainly its the support of my friends. I've been driving further now and though I've still phobias of parallel parking or sometimes even reverse park, but at least I manage to drive to One Utama and SS2 without any problems or fear. I think I know that's the main problem before this -MYSELF. I'm just so reluctant to adapt back to the culture here. I felt I don't belong here, neither do I belong to anywhere else. After my acceptance in Singapore NTU, I felt I have to adapt myself to the culture here, afterall singapore's culture is not much different from Msia, most part of it.
Anyway I do hope for a time freeze machine. Or rather I hope for a time travel machine. I want to turn back time. I want to repent those mistakes I've ever done. I wish I can start my life again. Well, no need to restart from the beginning, just bring me back to moments where I need to patch things up.
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