LEADER?

haha last post was a more general overview of my life on the surface. Well i wanna get more emotional and get in depth of my updates and mentality.

Well personally, I'm not so much of sadness like how I used to be lolx. I'm quite happy for the past few months especially after i went home for a short visit. I had a wonderful 3 days holiday back home, though nothing out of the norm. But, as you all know, the best entertainment i enjoyed the most is not about the venue, or the things i do, it's more of the company. It's just great to be with the one you desired to be.

Ups n downs happens. Though I've been through quite abit in relationship, and I do consult lots of people when i'm feeling down, but now that my close friend are having a harsh moment, i just don't know what to say to him or how to make him better. Well i hope he's strong and recover soon.

Anyway back with my observation in Singapore. Singaporeans, in general, do lift up the kiasu title. Yes, those that i mix with, they're quite abit of perfectionist and they want everything to work out flawlessly. But you want my honest words? I feel that Malaysians are capable of competing with the local here in many aspect. Of coz, you wonder why our lovely country is still quite far lag behind in many aspects relative to our neighbour. I think the reason is quite obvious and i don't have to mention to you at all.

Anywayz i'm not much of a good position to comment on this issue. My father's 2 sisters are fortune tellers. When I was young, they told me that based on my physical structure of my face and palm, I'll either be a general, or a crook. But either way, I'll be a leader. Honestly I don't trust all this fortune telling thingy, and at least from what i know about my own character, I hate making decisions. I hate carrying responsibilities, I don't like to control people and I am very passive. I was wondering how can it be true. But let me show you the statistics. During primary school, I was selected by surprise as the head of prefect and it was really a controversial decision coz i was those kinda "rascal" prefect along with Julian and others. Many even predicted that I would be fired but who would expect me to reach the highest peak of the hierachy. Yes I was heavily pounded during the last days of my standard six, and i was condemn to the max for being the worse head of prefect coz i didn't perform my task well. During secondary 1 and 2, I was head of librarian and again I was "fired" coz i didn't perform the task well enough. Again the question arose, why was I even selected in the first place? what quality do i have to become the head? Btw, the word "fired" was quoted coz i wasn't actually fired, but i was not allowed to resign as it's their so called policy so i allow them to fire me anyway.

Continue with the statistic, form 4 came and i was somehow the class representative. How and why was i selected, again question. Again I didn't last long actually. From college to Uni and now to postgrad, I didn't hold much position as a leader actually, but everytime there's a group work or assignment, I will naturally be selected as the group leader. First day where i don't even know my coursemates in this postgrad course, i was automatically selected as the class rep. and now it's been about 2 months and i have a couple of group work and till now i'm always the leader of the group, and each time it's a different group member, but nontheless i'm still the group leader.

You get my point? I'm not boosting anything. I'm just wondering why am i always the selected one to be the leader though i don't have the leadership qualities? So base on the statistic, i start to believe in what my aunty said. But I'll not change my mentality, i still stick to the fact that i'm not a leader, never will be...