The random updates

Just a lil update bout my situation for those who care. I am doing good so far, with of course some emotional moments from time to time esp. when I'm alone. I had a weird dream ytd, not really a nightmare but just not something so good. When I woke up from it, i felt a lil emotional until now, which is about 1 hour ago. I am feeling a lil slight headache, think after blogging i'll take a short nap first.

My camera is finally here, i mean with my dad now. He decided to buy Canon EOS550D instead of the 1100D because he felt its worth another RM500 investment to have a better camera. I am of course more than thankful to have that and I am so eager to have it in my hands now. The first thing I need to buy in complement to this camera is some extra batteries. Seems like this camera is really power hungry. I think I might go for those 3rd party companies which cost at least 3 times less than the original canon. Other zoom lens, macro lens stuff, lets leave it when I'm more familiar with DSLR.

Shopping list is also up for me. Its time I "reward myself" with some goodies. First off, a backpack. I need it because I don't wanna travel with a sport bag which will damage my shoulder. I am seeking for those not too big, but not too small one. I found one from Deuter, kinda within my budget range. Just afraid its a lil too small. But I guess its good so i can also bring it up as hand carry luggage to the flights. Next is of course a nice cool looking sunnies. Also for the trip at least. How can you not look cool during summer if you're in Europe? I definitely won't get those Ray Ban or Oakley thingy since I am not those kinda guy who fancy wearing sunnies wherever I go. Furthermore, i won't stick to one sunnies for the rest of my life. I don't need those lifetime gurranty super cool looking sunnies. 3rd stuff will be another sweater/jacket. I have bought already a blazer but this blazer seem to be a lil more like party wearing type. Not for general purpose. So, I might go get another one which I can wear for spring here, as well as indoor air-con rooms back in Singapore/Msia. Others, subject to money and lets see what pops up. Definitely the backpack is a must.

Back to reality before shopping. I have a blardy presentation coming up on Thursday. Blardy hate it and its a long story. I normally like presentation especially in English as I get to show my qualities. But this time, its not only that I have no confidence, I dont' even have the motivation to do it. I am already all set to go for the trip then home, but this blardy thing came up. And it didn't even came up because I was oblige to do it, its just some random casual talk and then my supervisor brought it up. Make no mistake, he's still the best supervisor ever. But for this, I really hate him. This remaining two weeks in Reutlingen, I just wanna spend some time walking around the city and settle some stuff. But now I am oblige to prepare for the presentation until Thursday. Friday and nxt monday is public holiday here, so fark i can't do anyhting!

Anyway, back to some emo stuff. I am still thinking bout it from time to time, but not because i wanted to but it just pop up my brain. But I'm leaving it like that. As I said, the more I try to forget the more I'll remember. Its been like 1 month? or more? when we broke, we left a small door for things to happen. But, as i've mentioned in my previous post, its time to evaluate what have been happening in the past 10 years and if it is just repeating like a cycle, that means there's not a way things will work out. We're not getting any younger, time to think bout the future.

Birthday Emo Sky

Every Monday I felt very emotional after my basketball game. The basketball game was relatively good today. We only have 6 players and we only played 3 on 3 but I was on target today. Had a good sweat and confidence today. But it was the after game that made me emotional. Perhaps its the beautiful sky and the windy not so cold breeze. It made me think alot about life, forward and backwards.

Well, I know it sux to say that I am not recovered yet. I know it also sux to even mention it as that means I'm still thinking about it. But yeah, I rather not lie to myself that I am ok. I am not quite yet. Yes I am handling it much better than the previous time, but doesn't mean anything at all as long as I am still not recovered. Its just easy to remind myself to move on, but its harder that way as I am sort of forcing myself. I guess I'll just leave it natural. Good thing is at least I am still far away. Phase 2 will be the most hurting one, which is the time I am home and more memories will strike me. How do I prepare for it? No idea. I guess it just have to be natural. Perhaps things might happen in the future again, but we've tried so many times and each time it ended up the same. Perhaps we're just not meant to be? We're 26, I guess no point forcing our way. It will only waste more of our time.

So, I spent two paragraph about emo stuff, So I'll stop emo stuff here. Lets talk a little bit about my birthday. As I've mentioned in my previous post, despite still dreaming of having a grand party, I set my hopes low and I know it won't happen. But the good thing about setting hopes low are surprises. On the eve of my birthday, a random BBQ party was called. Well not to celebrate my bday but at least some outings. Nothing much to talk about as just normally BBQ party, with some booze but not much chics lol. As usual I don't drink much, and I ate alot. The only thing worth mentioning was that somebody is kinda skeptical I touched his Ovation guitar which cost him 2000 dollars despite being able to attract some small crowd with some simple song I played. And of course, it seems they're quite noob in setting up fire lol.

My bday, I receive lots of wishes in facebook which I didn't expect as I am quite "inactive". Well I do log in everyday and I do from time to time put some status or comments, but I seldom go and spam ppl's wall or even wishing ppl's bday. But I can't believe I receive overwhelming response from my friends. Thank you for the wishes. The other surprise was that my supervisor bought me a bday card, and a cookbook about the local delicacies. Very special gift. Now I can go back to Singapore/Malaysia and still cook the food here. Another thing was a small shot glass which has the local logo on it. Very great. But the best gift from my supervisor was still the opportunity to do my internship at Bosch.

Actually the best gift overall for my bday is a camera of my choice from my family. My brother and my parents decided to get me a camera and I op for DSLR eventually. The Canon EOS 1100D entry level model. Of course, have to start from the scratch. But well I guess its a good choice no? too bad I can only have that thing when my parents come over. So now I am not with my new toy yet. And its much cheaper to get in Malaysia. That means I have some money to spend because I've save up some for the camera. But not much coz I have to buy air tickets home.

Abit about emotional stuff again. Of course, I receive calls from her as birthday wishes. Something honestly which I expect it to happen. But its clear, I expect it to happen as she cares alot about friends, so I am still one of hers as u count. Its me that find it hard to be friend again as u know, I am the less strong one in relationship.

No more emo stuff. So the Euro trip plan is going quite well with a few more bookings to make and I'm set to go! 5 destination in 2 weeks. The last three is kinda rush, but at least its stil a chance to visit the cities. In overview, 5 days in Paris, 3 days in Prague, 2 in Budapest, 2 in Vienna and 2 in Switzerland before returning to Frankfurt. Its time to start learning DSLR with those nice castle. If not I'll just put Auto and let the cam do the job lol. At Bosch, I am just counting stars. Now I'm kinda free except for one last not important report to do.

I have to start booking on the days after I return this room and before my parents come.

Lost count

I don't rmb how many days since the incident already. And I did not rapidly update my facebook or my blog, not because I'm so over it, just that I have been trying to keep myself low. Everytime I break up, I listen to sad music and it made me even more sad. This time, I manage to stay away from music and it's been ages since I took out my mp3 player. But no matter how good I resisted, the music just automatically played in my head today as I was on my way back home. Feels kinda emotional.

Well, despite handling much better than the previous time, I am still far from being recovered. I am still pretty much sad despite not showing my emotion in public social networks. Facebook for once has been quite ugly and I just don't want to cause my drama that's all. My birthday is coming up soon, and I am already starting to imagine all da sad stuff that will come. I guess more or less I'll be celebrating my birthday alone and not having any gifts. Facebook will be silent as I don't correspond to many people out there. Despite being 26 soon, I must say I am still having dreams about a grand birthday celebration where everyone crashes my house and have a cool poolside party. Perhaps it's because I never had a extraordinary birthday before in my life. Yeah, call me childish. I know I am for that. Maybe its still not too late. Maybe during my 30th birthday I'll throw something big, if I have the money.

I'm not trying to sound pathetic. Just that I am really upset at the moment thinking about all this. I've not escaped from Phase 1(according to wenni) of break up yet. But I'm definitely in the middle of it. From being cool about it, now that I can slowly feel the effect and the aftermath is slowly fading, I start to point fingers. Yes, I am trying to find fault and blame on something or someone about this. I am so rational and I know what I'm doing is wrong but yet I can't control. I predict phase 1 is not the worse. I guess when everything's over and I'm back, things will be far worse.

Thankfully these few weeks I've been busy with my work. But today I've completed the design part and left documentation. I am just too afraid to face the remaining weeks being so free. I bet I will start to be emotional again easily in the next few days, especially during my birthday.