Lost count

I don't rmb how many days since the incident already. And I did not rapidly update my facebook or my blog, not because I'm so over it, just that I have been trying to keep myself low. Everytime I break up, I listen to sad music and it made me even more sad. This time, I manage to stay away from music and it's been ages since I took out my mp3 player. But no matter how good I resisted, the music just automatically played in my head today as I was on my way back home. Feels kinda emotional.

Well, despite handling much better than the previous time, I am still far from being recovered. I am still pretty much sad despite not showing my emotion in public social networks. Facebook for once has been quite ugly and I just don't want to cause my drama that's all. My birthday is coming up soon, and I am already starting to imagine all da sad stuff that will come. I guess more or less I'll be celebrating my birthday alone and not having any gifts. Facebook will be silent as I don't correspond to many people out there. Despite being 26 soon, I must say I am still having dreams about a grand birthday celebration where everyone crashes my house and have a cool poolside party. Perhaps it's because I never had a extraordinary birthday before in my life. Yeah, call me childish. I know I am for that. Maybe its still not too late. Maybe during my 30th birthday I'll throw something big, if I have the money.

I'm not trying to sound pathetic. Just that I am really upset at the moment thinking about all this. I've not escaped from Phase 1(according to wenni) of break up yet. But I'm definitely in the middle of it. From being cool about it, now that I can slowly feel the effect and the aftermath is slowly fading, I start to point fingers. Yes, I am trying to find fault and blame on something or someone about this. I am so rational and I know what I'm doing is wrong but yet I can't control. I predict phase 1 is not the worse. I guess when everything's over and I'm back, things will be far worse.

Thankfully these few weeks I've been busy with my work. But today I've completed the design part and left documentation. I am just too afraid to face the remaining weeks being so free. I bet I will start to be emotional again easily in the next few days, especially during my birthday.