shadow

It's already the final part of November, but i can say i am still hung over the great holidays i had in May - July, as well as some magical moments throughout my time in Singapore. Since I was 19, I have to say I am always doing things alone, living life myself. Not that I have no friends, in fact I am so glad I do have real friends, because i don't think i am able to walk down the road being really alone. What I mean alone, is that I am always apart from family and friends. I made new friends of course, but sometimes it's not just so easy to move along.

People who know me, they will think I have a strong mentality and principles. I don't get easily influence by people. Even I used to think that way. But recently, I start re-evaluating myself. I realize I am far worse than I thought. Sometimes when you're always alone, walking the streets yourself, you tend to have more time to think about stuffs. Especially when there's this cold breeze blowing through your face, makes you wake up from dreams.

I always thought I have my own character. It's my personality. I don't mind being the minority. In fact in many situations I am the minority. But now i realize, I am trying hard to be someone. The someone is not just one person, it's a little bit of everyone. In another words, I think I've messed up my whole character building stuff. I might be trained as an engineer, who's suppose to be brilliant in new ideas. Unfortunately, I am not those brilliant engineers. I am good at bring pieces from other people's work and stuff it together to create something i called new. But this ain't new right? Just like my "unique" character i was once proud of. Now i realize, my so called unique, is just bits and pieces of other people's work. I am walking not just behind one person's shadow, i am walking behind alot of people's shadow.

I am nobody.