Valentine's Mood Swing

Officially woke up at 7.45am. Brushed up, dressed up. Wore a layer of long sleeve T and a pullover, with a track bottom and a pair of jeans as usual. For the past few days, I would feel warm with these on, but today was exceptional. I still feel cold despite so many layers. I draw the curtain and look up to the sky, for the past few days it has been shiny bright though it was still around 10degrees. Today, it was cloudy and dark. The moment strikes me the most was when I reminded myself, today was valentine’s day. Ah, the weather indicates the loneliness emotional feeling inside me. I walked to the bus stop with all the heavy and down feelings. I barely had the mood to even step out my room. I wanted to put on the new shoes but, I didn’t. I just felt nothing that could cheer me up on this particular day. After all it might rain and I don’t want to dirty up my shiny white eye catching shoes on the first day itself.

Many of my old friends knew me well, my uncontrollable emotional personality. As for my newly made friends, they knew me as a loyal passionate person. But I knew myself differently. I thought of myself as a stupid, coward naïve nooby person. Always indecisive and lack of self-confidence, I am always in a sigh mode. I always felt the loneliness, but I have to remind myself that I’m the one having the break up. But then again, why am I sighing since I’m actually happy being single and escaped from being a load of another person’s??

Maybe I’ve made too many mistakes. I’ve too many regrets. I’m just having too much time to do nothing. I have responsibilities, datelines, and a life but I prefer to just throw it all aside and be emotional. Many times have I talked about this but it never helps. People say that realizing your addition/mistakes is the very first time to the cure of it. Yes I realized, but what about the cure? It’s not happening at all.
I have no motivation at all. I have several things to look forward to, but if I look further I’ll only fill myself in despair and disappointment. I envy everyone that’s around me. I envy them for what they have. I never learned how to appreciate what I have. Sighz…..