I don't belong to the Elites

I just came back from an interview where I made myself look like a fool again. It's my 8th interview so there's no excuse, i should have performed no matter what. I have never felt such an idiot before in my life, really!

I recall during the time i was searching for internship. I applied to many companies, only 3 companies called me up for interview. The first one was an internet conference interview. He asked me some technical questions, which I am able to answer few of them. They rejected me though because I wasn't confident enough. The second one didn't even ask me any technical questions, just asked me to explain about my previous projects and experience. There were 4 of us interviewing for the same position, so basically the interview is just for show. They have already picked their candidate before hand. The 3rd one was from the same company as the second, but different division. Yes, i totally screwed up the interview but yet I was hired because it was just an internship position and they only need to pay less than half a normal employee's salary but the workload is the same. So that doesn't proof anything. The fourth one was the one I nailed. It was a telephone interview, and trust me it's much easier to cheat in the phone interview than face to face for technical questions. I am very good in bullshitting, so i can talk all i want. Furthermore, my supervisor who hired me is a very very nice guy.

At that time I was so proud of myself actually that I got that position. After completed my internship and my overall masters, I am so confident because I had good grades, plus good internship experience. True enough, I was called up for interviews based on my CV and my grades. But after so many interviews which non of them I answer with confidence, I really start to feel like I am shit. Everytime they pass me a paper and ask me to derive equations, I just struggle. Today's interview was one of the worse because I really didn't manage to answer much. Most of the time he was trying to help me on the interview. Until some point he gets frustrated as well. Sigh.

I have a master degree from top Universities of their region. I have 5 years of international exposure, plus a recent experience in my related field in Robert Bosch. I graduated with a very good grades. So what am I? Nothing! I can't even secure a job. What's the use of all these records anyway?!!!!

I guess it's time to realize, I am not the smart one. I am just normal.