When I woke up this morning, everything was as usual. The sun was shining, wind was blowing, even the temperature was not too low today. Suddenly I realize that I am in Germany! Not in Singapore! I really miss my life in Singapore, though it's only 10 months there. I stayed with my uncle, in a private condo and it is quite beautiful. just across the condo is the MRT station, and it takes me to basically everywhere I want to go. about 5 mins walk it's the hawker center and shops. Right opposite to it, there's a stadium with indoor badminton courts. That is what I call a life!
Well, I do complain the selfishness and the busyness of Singapore. To be honest, I find the Germans more "friendly" compare to Asians. Of course you get a better response if you try to speak to them in German. But it is understandable. You would feel more "home" when somebody speaks your dialect or language.
Germany is well known for their transportation too. Yes indeed, the train system here is superbly connected, like a spider web or WWW. But if you're living in a small town, it is not the case. My place the only public transport is bus and during weekends, it comes only every half hour. At least it has a schedule and it follows the timing quite accurately. I have never complained about public transport system especially when I come from Malaysia. No doubt. Just that, Singapore is doing a much better job when it comes to rural area. I guess the size of the country does matter too, not just the brains.
I was emotional today. I suddenly felt like I want to go down from 19 floor, walk 5 minutes and have chicken rice with gizzard. I suddenly felt I want to play badminton, or basketball. I suddenly felt like taking MRT to Chinatown and have the German sausage, although I'm in Germany now. It's just so nostalgic having those moments and I really miss it.
I still remember darling came over to visit me during valentines day week. She kept it so secretly, that she pretend she's busy working in KL and on Friday where she was travelling in the bus, she acted as if she have a meeting and therefore wasn't able to email me. That day I still remember I had outing with Sj4pians at night in Chinatown. Suddenly I receive call from her saying that she's now in Harbourfront. What a surprise! I love her so much. Now I am missing her so much.
I guess it was never easy when u're lonely here and all your close ones are far away from u, especially with a time gap in between.
A few obvious observation that obviously obvious to everyone. First of all, the fastest thing on earth is time, not light. Time passes so freaking damn fast that you don't even notice it. It is already the end of my 2nd week here in Germany. However I am still feeling the moments of those days before I left, as if it just happened yesterday. Weekdays passes even much faster. I guess when u are at a routine time will shoot much faster. Next week on, I will be getting more focus into my task and it would be difficult. I guess, time would have past even faster then.
2nd observation, technology factor. I realize, not just here but while I was in Singapore as well, that the higher your status or rank in your field, you tend to simpler gadgets. Use phone as example. I am surrounded by professors and top experienced engineer who took part in designing chips for mobile phone, and should be very very advance technologically. But, no! They use primitive phone which basically can sms and call thats about it. Wonder why. Don't they appreciate their effort, or it's just a trend. I guess, it's true when you at that high level, you don't really need so much function. You have manpower to do the job for you such as managing your schedule and stuff. A quote from my manager during our coffee break :-
2nd observation, technology factor. I realize, not just here but while I was in Singapore as well, that the higher your status or rank in your field, you tend to simpler gadgets. Use phone as example. I am surrounded by professors and top experienced engineer who took part in designing chips for mobile phone, and should be very very advance technologically. But, no! They use primitive phone which basically can sms and call thats about it. Wonder why. Don't they appreciate their effort, or it's just a trend. I guess, it's true when you at that high level, you don't really need so much function. You have manpower to do the job for you such as managing your schedule and stuff. A quote from my manager during our coffee break :-
"THE HIGHER YOUR STATUS, THE SIMPLER YOUR CALCULATOR IS...."
Haha how true. We use matlab, while he use scientific calculator. I think the CEO uses only hand to calculate lol.
3rd observation, the language barrier. Despite being in an international company, I still pretty much work in a very German atmosphere and the only thing in English I encounter is when I talk to my supervisor regarding technical stuff. Well, they don't mind that I speak English of course, and I could understand them around 60% - 70% on average, but it's still different. I felt like I am so mute now, no more the talkative me. Its stupid when I claim in my Resume that I can speak so many language. I think there should be a more accurate way to calculate the language you're able to speak. I felt my actual proficiency in languages are around 3.3 lol. 3.3 means I basically can speak around 3 and 1/3 languages and how I calculate it? I take the average of the language I'm able to speak with some scale (e.g. English 0.9, German 0.3).
Yeah boring.....
3rd observation, the language barrier. Despite being in an international company, I still pretty much work in a very German atmosphere and the only thing in English I encounter is when I talk to my supervisor regarding technical stuff. Well, they don't mind that I speak English of course, and I could understand them around 60% - 70% on average, but it's still different. I felt like I am so mute now, no more the talkative me. Its stupid when I claim in my Resume that I can speak so many language. I think there should be a more accurate way to calculate the language you're able to speak. I felt my actual proficiency in languages are around 3.3 lol. 3.3 means I basically can speak around 3 and 1/3 languages and how I calculate it? I take the average of the language I'm able to speak with some scale (e.g. English 0.9, German 0.3).
Yeah boring.....
I was never somebody with confidence. Despite having a relatively good performance academically so far, I still feel that I don't belong to this field that I am studying. It's not just studies that I felt incompetent, in many other fields too. We speak about sports, I am good in basketball and badminton, yet I know I am below average players. Talent perhaps? I can play guitar but still a noob. Computer stuff? Yeah, basic photoshop and some basic hardware knowledge. On the outside, looks? that would be a close zero. body? two pairs of guitar(ribs) and a big heavy bass drums(tummy). So, what else am I good at? Basically nothing.
I am in a big company as an intern. I am still doubtful how did I get in here. I guess probably it's because of the phone interview, and I manage to scribble through the conversation despite not very fundamentally strong with my theories. Work experience? I have none. Pure academic CV. Now, I am a total noobie!
Lets talk about contribution to the society. I am 25 years old, at least 80% of my friends at this age are already earning some bucks, starting to pay off study debts, or started investments. Me? I am still draining my parent's money, and will be for another while more.
Maybe looking at a smaller circle. Among me and my close ones. I recall, throughout the past 1 1/2 years, I have spend only 30% or 40% of the total amount me and my gf spent. She treat me more meals, bought me more stuff. I somehow feel I am a leech, and I seriously don't feel good about it.
Okay, maybe money talks aren't quite interesting. How bout mental and emotional? I am a nomad. I was never settled at one place. I still remember patching things up with her last year April, and had a superb wonderful time till July. Then, I left her in tears as I have to leave to Singapore. I do visit home once a while, and she does visit me too. But counting the days we have vs the days we visit each other, it's probably 1/100 or more. Furthermore, I was never there by her side whenever she needed me. Then, I was there to have a such a wonderful 2 months holiday in June and July, now left her alone again back there and this time I am 10000km away from her for at least the next 9 months, without even the probability to visit each other often. Especially during critical moments, I was never there.
Forgive me for being pessimistic, but things would never be the same anymore after all these, despite surviving. Gap is porportional to time and distance. The longer it drags, the further the gap is. Don't even think of advising me to look at the future side. I hate the word future. Future is like a dream, where you can architect anything you want, but doesn't mean it will be true. Talk to me bout present times unless you come from the future.
I have no qualities of being somebody's boyfriend.
Sigh......Not so much invented for life, but incepted for life i guess!
I am in a big company as an intern. I am still doubtful how did I get in here. I guess probably it's because of the phone interview, and I manage to scribble through the conversation despite not very fundamentally strong with my theories. Work experience? I have none. Pure academic CV. Now, I am a total noobie!
Lets talk about contribution to the society. I am 25 years old, at least 80% of my friends at this age are already earning some bucks, starting to pay off study debts, or started investments. Me? I am still draining my parent's money, and will be for another while more.
Maybe looking at a smaller circle. Among me and my close ones. I recall, throughout the past 1 1/2 years, I have spend only 30% or 40% of the total amount me and my gf spent. She treat me more meals, bought me more stuff. I somehow feel I am a leech, and I seriously don't feel good about it.
Okay, maybe money talks aren't quite interesting. How bout mental and emotional? I am a nomad. I was never settled at one place. I still remember patching things up with her last year April, and had a superb wonderful time till July. Then, I left her in tears as I have to leave to Singapore. I do visit home once a while, and she does visit me too. But counting the days we have vs the days we visit each other, it's probably 1/100 or more. Furthermore, I was never there by her side whenever she needed me. Then, I was there to have a such a wonderful 2 months holiday in June and July, now left her alone again back there and this time I am 10000km away from her for at least the next 9 months, without even the probability to visit each other often. Especially during critical moments, I was never there.
Forgive me for being pessimistic, but things would never be the same anymore after all these, despite surviving. Gap is porportional to time and distance. The longer it drags, the further the gap is. Don't even think of advising me to look at the future side. I hate the word future. Future is like a dream, where you can architect anything you want, but doesn't mean it will be true. Talk to me bout present times unless you come from the future.
I have no qualities of being somebody's boyfriend.
Sigh......Not so much invented for life, but incepted for life i guess!
Well since I'm not that Emo today, I will blog about my work environment. To intro abit, In my life I have worked for 4 different parties before. First my parents. Haha kinda unofficial work. I have worked part time in a Law firm, which i do almost everything except a lawyer's job. Then Fraunhofer Institute, though one of the renowned research institute in Germany, but I can say I was kinda slack over there. Then now Bosch.
Okay before I talk about Bosch, let me talk about work. Erm, just to clarify first, I am only an intern student despite calling this work. Now working life. First of all, very systematic. I have been actively using Microsoft Outlook now, which I've never do so in my life. Normally when I install Microsoft Office that bundles together with Outlook, I'll just remove it. I prefer to check my mails via internet page. I never had my own organizer or calander anywayz eventhough I am using a business phone. Now, even invitation to have an ice-cream from my supervisor is done using Outlook Calender. Same goes to Basketball with colleagues, or meeting one on one with my supervisor despite him sitting just next to me. I never felt so organized before. Oh but well, it's total different thing when I come home haha. I have to keep reminding myself what to do next. But good thing is that Windows 7 comes with the sticky notes which is quite useful.
Alright, now Bosch. Well despite still being kinda Alien in the office, I like the environment of Bosch. I tend to feel that they're some sorta CIA or FBI lol. First day itself I was given a short brief on security while working. Everything inside is confidential, we're not even allowed to take pictures of anything inside. Oh well I guess that's how the big firms do their stuff. Then, every software is protected and apparently I still can't log in to the WWW yet from my office as my account hasn't been approved. I have to log out of my screen whenever I go toilet or get a coffee. I am not suppose to bring anything in or out of Bosch without permission. Every email i send to the outside world has to be encrypted, and each person is given their personal encryption key. But of course, I have never used my company email yet as I don't deal with customers.
Despite having super tight security especially to the outside world, internally everything is kinda slack. Me and my colleagues are free to do whatever we want, of course about work la. So far I don't feel any stress or pressure yet, despite being very super noob in the office. Man, their like super engineers, seems to know everything, every programming language, every EDA tools and even their theory are super strong. I am just a noobie! I love the European working culture too. I need to fulfill 35 hours per week (actually it's 38.5 per week since they automatically deduct 45 mins from my daily working hours). But it's up to me to plan how I want to work. Basically I can work 10 hours a day and then take off on Friday. But of course, since I'm under supervision and only an intern, i can't just take leave like that. I am however allowed to if I have a reason. Right now I have 4.5 extra hours from the last week as I work quite long hours. Another thing bout them is coffee. Average we take about 1 1/2 hours of coffee break time, on top of our normal lunch hour. Despite being so slack, why are they so top of the world? One word - Efficient!
About me. I am given a workspace of course with a stationed laptop with a TFT monitor, only a 15 inch one. My startup will be on Windows based, but connected remotely to Linux based server. I work on Matlab so far and I will be working on Cadence Schematic/Layout Design soon, as well as Verilog modelling and it will all on Linux. I am a total noob in Linux, so i guess it's time to learn. My thesis will be mainly on Delta-Sigma Analog-to-Digital Converters, from system to subsystem to transistor level. Difficult but interesting stuff. Mainly for Automotive application.
Well, language is still a barrier for me despite having some basics in German. So its still hard for me to survive in the company thus far. I hope things will get better soon.
Invented for Life!
I have removed the music player as i guess it's kinda annoying and i'm not updating it. Bare with me as I will be very emo these few days. I am still quite emo today. It is my second Sunday here in Germany already. Well, I am still not sure if I should be happy as time passes fast. If you look from the back, yes time is passing real fast, but looking ahead it's still so long to go!
I guess I have an explanation why it is so difficult for me to settle down this time compare to last time. First of all, since I graduated in 2009, I have been having a relatively great time back home and in Singapore. I guess I was kinda spoilt already and I couldn't find the strength to be strong here like how I did last time. Maybe I'm too old for this shit. I guess last time I was young and dynamic, always wanted to experience new things and want to prove myself. Now, I guess all I want is just to settle down somewhere and have a life.
I am still missing home as I type this post so much. I just received news, regarding an ex-classmate whose father passed away. It sparked up my tears as I start to think about my parents. I don't know how they're doing and I really miss them. I know I won't be able to see them for the next 9 months and it is quite painful to know that. I never felt that way when I was in Singapore. I used to think that regardless of Singapore or Germany, it is the same as it is long distance. I guess now I was wrong. It does make a significant impact on me, emotionally.
I need strength, I really do. I am freaking 25 years old but I feel I wasn't as strong as I was in 19. I feel like a big baby now. So much for a promising future career path and so much for being look up to. I guess even I couldn't look up to myself now. I face the mirror everyday morning and I just wonder where is my courage. Yes I realize my problem is just a tiny small one. But still hurts like a bee sting and it's poisoning me, making me numb.
I guess if I am able to survive this well, and get good results from this internship/thesis, I would have a superb bright career future, but I don't dare to look so forward yet. I am still stuck in the past. I really miss Malaysia and Singapore at the moment.
C'mon Doug, be a man...!
I guess I have an explanation why it is so difficult for me to settle down this time compare to last time. First of all, since I graduated in 2009, I have been having a relatively great time back home and in Singapore. I guess I was kinda spoilt already and I couldn't find the strength to be strong here like how I did last time. Maybe I'm too old for this shit. I guess last time I was young and dynamic, always wanted to experience new things and want to prove myself. Now, I guess all I want is just to settle down somewhere and have a life.
I am still missing home as I type this post so much. I just received news, regarding an ex-classmate whose father passed away. It sparked up my tears as I start to think about my parents. I don't know how they're doing and I really miss them. I know I won't be able to see them for the next 9 months and it is quite painful to know that. I never felt that way when I was in Singapore. I used to think that regardless of Singapore or Germany, it is the same as it is long distance. I guess now I was wrong. It does make a significant impact on me, emotionally.
I need strength, I really do. I am freaking 25 years old but I feel I wasn't as strong as I was in 19. I feel like a big baby now. So much for a promising future career path and so much for being look up to. I guess even I couldn't look up to myself now. I face the mirror everyday morning and I just wonder where is my courage. Yes I realize my problem is just a tiny small one. But still hurts like a bee sting and it's poisoning me, making me numb.
I guess if I am able to survive this well, and get good results from this internship/thesis, I would have a superb bright career future, but I don't dare to look so forward yet. I am still stuck in the past. I really miss Malaysia and Singapore at the moment.
C'mon Doug, be a man...!
One week since I am in Germany for the 2nd time. If i have to describe the feeling in one sentence, I would say it was far more difficult than the first time I was here emotionally. Way back in January this year where most of our classmates were looking for an internship/thesis attachment, I decided to be different by looking further west, mainly Germany. At that time of course most companies are just recovering from recession and it was difficult.
I was lucky, or perhaps my German background, that I was called up for an interview with Franhofer Institute in Germany. I had a great feeling about the interview despite being a little bit slumber here and there, but I didn't get it in the end. I remember that I was kinda disappointed as my hopes were high, and that week itself darling came to visit me and I nearly screw up the whole trip. Then came 2 offer from Singapore, which is not really an offer. It is more like them looking for people to fill up their empty seats. I got one of the position which basically doesn't gives me the thing I want. Despite being quite reluctant, I have to take since no other offer came.
Out of no where at the end of April, I got this offer from Bosch, Germany. I was so excited as Bosch is pretty well known and the project was very interesting. I am excited to go back to Germany again. I have made so much sacrifice, and effort just to get to Germany. I have also spent unnecessary expenses just because I am coming back here.
So now I am finally here, and I was and still quite depressed. Last week was a disaster, I cried almost everyday while thinking of the time i spent in Malaysia/Singapore. I had such a wonderful 2 months holiday back home. Maybe just too wonderful that I have forgotten all my engineering enthusiasm and just felt maybe I am kinda sick of technical stuff. Although I seldom cry now, but I am still quite emotional whenever I am not doing anything and I am alone. I am always alone for now since I don't have any friends around here yet other than my colleagues. They are of course not here during weekends and even their here, it's not so clicking especially due to language barrier.
Anyway, I guess it will be back to me and bloggie again for the near future. So I guess I would update more often this time.
I would like to end this post with a dedication to my dearest baby. She have been extremely wonderful in my life. During the two months, despite also having some down times, the overall outcome was just so great. She did alot for me throughout the two months and also my preparation for Germany. She bought me some necessities knowing that i need it here. I don't know how she felt, but to me the greatest highlight of the whole holiday was finally the acceptance and the meeting of my parents. It has always been a burden to me but finally it has been resolve. She was also the one that gave me strength to hold on to my feet and move forward during my first few days in Germany. She called me and sms me eventhough it's blardy damn expensive just to make sure I am okay. She emailed me and gave me words of encouragement which is just priceless. I am finally able to be okay especially when I'm in office, and I really thank her alot. I know it's just promises now, but i guaranty that I will love her more and treat her better in the future, give her all that she needs and all the she wants!
I was lucky, or perhaps my German background, that I was called up for an interview with Franhofer Institute in Germany. I had a great feeling about the interview despite being a little bit slumber here and there, but I didn't get it in the end. I remember that I was kinda disappointed as my hopes were high, and that week itself darling came to visit me and I nearly screw up the whole trip. Then came 2 offer from Singapore, which is not really an offer. It is more like them looking for people to fill up their empty seats. I got one of the position which basically doesn't gives me the thing I want. Despite being quite reluctant, I have to take since no other offer came.
Out of no where at the end of April, I got this offer from Bosch, Germany. I was so excited as Bosch is pretty well known and the project was very interesting. I am excited to go back to Germany again. I have made so much sacrifice, and effort just to get to Germany. I have also spent unnecessary expenses just because I am coming back here.
So now I am finally here, and I was and still quite depressed. Last week was a disaster, I cried almost everyday while thinking of the time i spent in Malaysia/Singapore. I had such a wonderful 2 months holiday back home. Maybe just too wonderful that I have forgotten all my engineering enthusiasm and just felt maybe I am kinda sick of technical stuff. Although I seldom cry now, but I am still quite emotional whenever I am not doing anything and I am alone. I am always alone for now since I don't have any friends around here yet other than my colleagues. They are of course not here during weekends and even their here, it's not so clicking especially due to language barrier.
Anyway, I guess it will be back to me and bloggie again for the near future. So I guess I would update more often this time.
I would like to end this post with a dedication to my dearest baby. She have been extremely wonderful in my life. During the two months, despite also having some down times, the overall outcome was just so great. She did alot for me throughout the two months and also my preparation for Germany. She bought me some necessities knowing that i need it here. I don't know how she felt, but to me the greatest highlight of the whole holiday was finally the acceptance and the meeting of my parents. It has always been a burden to me but finally it has been resolve. She was also the one that gave me strength to hold on to my feet and move forward during my first few days in Germany. She called me and sms me eventhough it's blardy damn expensive just to make sure I am okay. She emailed me and gave me words of encouragement which is just priceless. I am finally able to be okay especially when I'm in office, and I really thank her alot. I know it's just promises now, but i guaranty that I will love her more and treat her better in the future, give her all that she needs and all the she wants!
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