It stretches

I have removed the music player as i guess it's kinda annoying and i'm not updating it. Bare with me as I will be very emo these few days. I am still quite emo today. It is my second Sunday here in Germany already. Well, I am still not sure if I should be happy as time passes fast. If you look from the back, yes time is passing real fast, but looking ahead it's still so long to go!

I guess I have an explanation why it is so difficult for me to settle down this time compare to last time. First of all, since I graduated in 2009, I have been having a relatively great time back home and in Singapore. I guess I was kinda spoilt already and I couldn't find the strength to be strong here like how I did last time. Maybe I'm too old for this shit. I guess last time I was young and dynamic, always wanted to experience new things and want to prove myself. Now, I guess all I want is just to settle down somewhere and have a life.

I am still missing home as I type this post so much. I just received news, regarding an ex-classmate whose father passed away. It sparked up my tears as I start to think about my parents. I don't know how they're doing and I really miss them. I know I won't be able to see them for the next 9 months and it is quite painful to know that. I never felt that way when I was in Singapore. I used to think that regardless of Singapore or Germany, it is the same as it is long distance. I guess now I was wrong. It does make a significant impact on me, emotionally.

I need strength, I really do. I am freaking 25 years old but I feel I wasn't as strong as I was in 19. I feel like a big baby now. So much for a promising future career path and so much for being look up to. I guess even I couldn't look up to myself now. I face the mirror everyday morning and I just wonder where is my courage. Yes I realize my problem is just a tiny small one. But still hurts like a bee sting and it's poisoning me, making me numb.

I guess if I am able to survive this well, and get good results from this internship/thesis, I would have a superb bright career future, but I don't dare to look so forward yet. I am still stuck in the past. I really miss Malaysia and Singapore at the moment.

C'mon Doug, be a man...!