自作多情

是我自作多情，现在自作自受. I put myself in a situation now and i hav to suffer from the consequences. I could hav just move forward and skip thru this step but I choose to stop there. Now everything is screwed up, and I'm screwed up.

The art of reading people's mind is something I would really wanna master. Of course I don't believe in human possessing extraordinary powers that can read other people's mind, like the cop in Heroes. What I mean here is to judge what a person's thinking based on his/her body language, eye contact, behavior, changes in a certain amount of time, verbal and non-verbal, and so on. Misunderstanding is so common, and it may cause a major problem if it is not handled well enough. Often misunderstanding is caused by a misjudgment and a misjudgment is often due to emotional problems. Emotion is something one should really watch out cause it could be a good thing, but when it's bad...it's Evil!!!

Recently I've been losing my sleep alot. I am tired physically but just couldn't sleep. It could be that something is bothering me, but till now, I don't know what it is. Yesterday was good for me coz i could sleep for 8 hours, but today was bad. I went to bed @ 11pm and i could sleep well but i woke up suddenly at 2am. Here i am now writing this post. Now I'm being emotional again. I just realized that I've missed out alot of things in my life. Throughout this 3 years in Germany, I felt that my life could be more exciting than what i have now. Maybe people look at me, and gets envy coz I was able to travel to different countries. Yes I'm proud of it and I'm lucky to have this opportunity. But sometimes i felt that people shouldn't envy me coz I also envy them in a certain way. 你有你好， 我有我好. I felt that I've missed out more than i gained.

Good thing about me is that I've improved. I'm a better person now compare to me last time. When I was in high school form 1, I was super nerd. But on the other hand it was good coz my results were superb and it builds up a strong fundamentals so even now I'm a slacker but my results won't be that bad coz of a strong fundamentals. I changed alot from form 1 till form 5, mainly become more outgoing, open, and mischievous of course. Till when I'm in college, I became materialistic, cunning person(i mean always hiding my intentions) and really turned bad in a certain way. But I felt I'm wiser now, I'm back becoming a good boy, I'm more independent, and most importantly I luv my family and appreciate them more than i did last time.

Now that I'm doing nothing waiting for an internship, i utilized my free time to brush up what I've lost before. I actually had a Grade 5 in piano but I gave up coz i felt at that time that piano is a girlish thing. Besides it was forced by my parents. Now i regret not going further with it. Then in form 4 I've learned classical guitar for 4 months but i stopped. I felt classical was boring and I don't learn to play modern songs, now i regret. If i would have learned my scales well and theory at that time, i could be playing lead guitar by now. Music is part of my blood, and not just listening to other people's song, but writing my own song is part of my dream. Now that my strumming is improving day by day, and I've step further by writing a simple but lousy song. I'm writing a second song now actually. I never thought of doing so since writing songs are like shit, but whenever i felt something, i'll just take a pen and write it down in a piece of paper. Now I've already hav 4 lines of lyrics. The oni thing is to figure out how should i sing it. I'm really enjoying these things. Hope it continues.

Anywayz, I hope I can get back to my life.