As usual, every end of the year I will make a summary of what I've done, and how I felt about the year. 2007 overall wasn't a good year for me especially end of the year. I can say almost every step I take was wrong. A year full of regretful stuff. However I still have some enjoyable moments.
So from January. It was my 5th sem and I have hell lots of labs to accomplish. One after another. Nothing much during this month actually. This year I did not go anywhere for countdown, instead I was whole day at home, think i was watching drama/variety shows. Did a lil preparation for exams. Tharsis went home to Malaysia, and I got some gift from my gf(currently ex).
February was a very hectic month for me due to exams. Normally we have 5 exams average per semester. But I took 8 exams, 7 of them are in German. Passed them all except from one, which 5 out of 23 students passed. So I wasn't the lousiest lolz. Had my first valentine with someone I love after 2 years of dry valentine. Received a valentine t-shirt which is still in my cupboard, won't be able to wear it anymore I guess.
First half of March was still exam for me. I've been camping in library almost everyday from day till night. I had a 2 weeks holiday after my exams but I still had an oral exam somewhere in April so had to study abit. Didn't go anywhere far, but went Bochum with Tharsis and friends just to jalan-jalan. Move my furniture around and still not satisfied with my room. I'll do better when I have my own permanent room.
First week of April, one exam and my birthday. Did ok in the exam, though could be better. As for my birthday, not as grand as those from friends, didn't had any celebration basically. I think I had cream soup and bread, self made. Received gifts from my gf at that time. A cute lil bear which is now right beside my speakers on my working table. A hel loads of groceries which is so important, especially those Nescafe 3 in 1 and a pink T-shirt. Though it was simple, but honestly I was happy because I virtually celebrated bday with the one I love at that time, after 2 years. However I wish to have a more grand birthday at least once in my life. Meantime, I've been looking forward for my parents to come over. Been busy planning trips, and planning my studies as well. Took up a project, but screwed up in the end. Around 10th April, a new semester starts, and again I'm planning on taking 8 exams. I took 3 non-technical subjects, which leads up to a total of 11 subjects. Hell yeah!!
May was fairly good. Again I was busy with labs and school stuff. Did the project for 2 weeks, but don't nothing because of that stupid blardy supervisor. In the end decided to just walk off from the project. Fuck him, he's an asshole. Me n my teammate wanted to punch him long ago. Again, did more plannings for the Euro trip. Parents finally came around 26th May, and we took a walk around my Uni, and around this area.
I was still in Berlin and Muenchen during the first week of June. This was my second time visiting those two cities. But Muenchen hav been a fantastic place for me, and I luv it so much there. Came back from trip, had alot of worries bout my future, and then the break up. From then, every step I took was kinda wrong. I strongly believe that my decision was right all the time, but now no more. You see, we can only walk forward according to time, and we can't turn back and change what we've done wrong. I believe even if there exist a time machine, it doesn't help anyway. You can change the process but the end result is still the same. That's how fragile humans are. In this month, I was suppose to start studying as I'm taking 8 exams but I was such a slacker. Everyday jiwanging.
End of July was exam period. I am finally able to start studying but a very slow start. I was still thinking of what I've done and whether it's right or wrong. People say the greatest enemy is ourselves. It's true. I was fighting against myself all the time and somehow I failed to win the enemy on me. But slowly I shifted my attention to studies as I know I have to pass everything, and best if i get a good grades for it. Again, I camp in the library almost everyday from morning till evening.
First two weeks of August, I was still having exams. The week after exams, went out to celebrate with Tharsis in Duesseldorf, partially because of the end of the exams, and partially because I did good in one of the papers. Had Maredo steak, pizza hut and starbucks on separate days in that week. Spent hell lots of money on that week. But whenever I'm at home, I start to jiwang again. I start to hav flashbacks which bring me tears because it was too wonderful to have that experience. I doubt I can have similar memories in the future. Every year I was back in Malaysia around this month, but this year I'm going no where. Being so lonely in Germany, and again nobody understand how i feel. I do admit I had wonderful times, but when the pain comes, it hurts big.
September used to be the sweetest month in my life since 2001. But this year it was kinda lonely and sad month. Nothing really much happen though. I had 1 oral exam at the end of the month and suddenly Kar Sang had a plan to meet me up somewhere in Europe. At first the initial plan was that he'll come to my place and we hang out around here. But I was so afraid he'll waste up his money seeing nothing here. So we plan on a UK trip somewhere in mid October. Manage to get cheap flights. BUt most of the time I was with Tharsis n his friends and as usual searching for my internship. That's about it.
October was slightly better. I went on a trip with KS to UK. We meet up my close friend CK and wan leng. Then we meet up with Soo Fan and Jun. Though I've been London before, but it's so different with different company. Went down leeds, Manchester and Cardiff osso. Now I've been to all da big countries in UK. England Scotland Ireland N.Ireland and Wales. Came back from UK, had a lil up n down with someone. Start to realize more mistakes in life. But on the other hand super busy with application. Tried making tiramisu but failed lol.
November. My first time writing song, first time doing home made video. Turns out to have a good response. For the past 3 months I've been playing lots of guitar. Still hoping for an intern soon. This month I've been very free so I've been trying out new recipes. SOme work some don't. What else??
December. End of the year. Yeah normally this is the most emotional period coz I'll automatically round up the year and start thinking of what I've done throughout the year. Did I accomplish what I'm suppose to? Did I regret in stuff? The first week of December I got my internship. Was kinda happy and relief at least I know where I'm heading. Thought of studying but in the end failed. Played alot of computer games especially with friends. Then come christmas. Just 1 week before Christmas I decided to visit Oliver and Nikki. Went there for about 5 days. Enjoyed quite alot. First time walking in a forest and got lost. Played rubik cube and now I'm so addicted to it I eventually bought one for myself to play. All in all, christmas wasn't that bad but new year was kinda so so. Had 2 friends for dinner together, hang out in my room, playing Chinese Chess. at midnight, fireworks all around and that's bout it.
So, there goes the monthly summary. Once again I'll do an overall summary. The good things are :
1. Travelling
2.completing lots of exams this year
3.guitar and cooking skills improved
4.pick up new hobbies like playing rubik cube
5.meet up with alot of my college mates and KS in Europe
6.Spent alot of money lolx
Bad things are :
1.Done awful moves
2.Being very emo
3.wasted alot of time and money
4.Still a sucker with no looks, no brain and no talent
5.Still severely stuck in da past
6.health level getting worse
7.headaches more often than before
8.Screwed up my personal life
9.lost my personality
10.getting more n more impatient
Happy 2008!!!
Those who know chinese, will definately know the exact meaning of 失恋. I can't find an english word for it, except lost of love? But when i translate it in google, I found this world lovelorn. It might be funny to you guys who've already known this word for long time. But don't laugh at me, though I'm relatively good in English, but I've lots of vocab that i don't know about it. I mean even my grammer sux most of the time.
Ok back to the topic. Most people will think, that lovelorn occurs after a break up. But that's just the smallest bit of understanding. I've broke up 4 times already, does that mean I 失恋 for 4 times? Nah I don't think so. The way I understand things, 失恋 happen when you finally realize that the person you love, doesn't love you anymore. Or you realize that you're in love with someone but the someone doesn't love you. Break up can mean alot of things, maybe the reason for break up is because of some problems between both of them, but that doesn't mean they get lovelorn because they might still have feelings, just so misunderstanding that can cause the break up. The major difference is that breakup is an incident but lovelorn is an emotion.
After my recent break up, I never felt lovelorn because I knew the reason for breaking up is for both sides to be good. I might be wrong, but I strongly believe that the person I love still have strong feeling on me. That's why I never felt lovelorn, I only felt lonely. But now, I really felt the feeling of lovelorn, due to some "signals" send by the other person. You know our reaction is always based on our first instinct. For example, if you're English educated person, and you accidentally knocked a German(you know the language), you'll find that the first word you say is sorry instead of Entschuldigung. You can find lots of reason/excuses for denying what your first instinct is, but that's the fact. And usually instinct comes from the heart.
I guess nobody will understand how i feel, and so do i. I just wish I can be emotionless at this point. But in opposite, my emotion is getting richer now. Anywayz,
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone who visited my blog.
Ok back to the topic. Most people will think, that lovelorn occurs after a break up. But that's just the smallest bit of understanding. I've broke up 4 times already, does that mean I 失恋 for 4 times? Nah I don't think so. The way I understand things, 失恋 happen when you finally realize that the person you love, doesn't love you anymore. Or you realize that you're in love with someone but the someone doesn't love you. Break up can mean alot of things, maybe the reason for break up is because of some problems between both of them, but that doesn't mean they get lovelorn because they might still have feelings, just so misunderstanding that can cause the break up. The major difference is that breakup is an incident but lovelorn is an emotion.
After my recent break up, I never felt lovelorn because I knew the reason for breaking up is for both sides to be good. I might be wrong, but I strongly believe that the person I love still have strong feeling on me. That's why I never felt lovelorn, I only felt lonely. But now, I really felt the feeling of lovelorn, due to some "signals" send by the other person. You know our reaction is always based on our first instinct. For example, if you're English educated person, and you accidentally knocked a German(you know the language), you'll find that the first word you say is sorry instead of Entschuldigung. You can find lots of reason/excuses for denying what your first instinct is, but that's the fact. And usually instinct comes from the heart.
I guess nobody will understand how i feel, and so do i. I just wish I can be emotionless at this point. But in opposite, my emotion is getting richer now. Anywayz,
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone who visited my blog.
Those sweet memories you have, normally it happens with two party or more. I have alot of sweet memories. Examples like trips with friends, trip with family, outings with buddies, guitar session with guitar mate and so on. I always felt that if that's an unforgettable memory for me, it also should be for the other party involved. But I was wrong. Not all the time. Today a group of 5 of us had a guitar learning/playing session. One of it was my classmate. Last time I used to bring my laptop to class and we play games together in class such as NBA live and football game. To me though it's a small thingy, but it's worth remembering. Playing in class when lectures are held, lolz. So I did mentioned abit, and that guy was like blur blur. He played wif me NBA and we play as team against computer. we made lots of smooth move like alley-oop n stuff, but he just forgotten bout it. Maybe i can remember things better. Of course it's just an example. There are many situations where only I remember the stuff, i felt it was a great time, but not the other party. But i think it's not worth mentioning here.
Anywayz, another 9 days till christmas. Everyone is planning on something. Those new UKMers are going to Switzerland/Austria. Tharsis is going London. The new juniors are going Hamburg. Me?? No where. Nvm. Shan has her friend dinner party, Adrian is going to his father's friend's house for christmas eve. I guess I'll be at home, singing 3 songs with my guitar - Lonely Christmas, 寂寞的季节, and silent night. It will be me, my guitar and my set of drama/variety shows/games. At least last year I get to talk to someone on the phone/MSN. This year nothing at all. Whatever...Merry Christmas everyone!!!
Btw, yesterday me Betrand and Adrian had a small LAN party. We played CS. We tag team against bunch of bots. Was fun after so long din play with friends. At first my killing rate was 11-28. After a change of map, my form suddenly came back. At the last map, I was top. Though it's not as fun as form3, but no doubt I enjoyed it. We also played NFS Underground 2 with the wheelpad. We drove the Escalade for drifting. Damn lame. And a few days back I played RA2. Ta pao the Soviet Union!!!! Hahaha. Man, though these are the old games, but I enjoyed more than the new games. New games only focuses on graphics, but the AI and game play are getting worse i felt. But there would be one game I'll continue playing - Pro Evolution Soccer. KS is playing Final Fantasy 7 which soon i might play too coz RA2 almost finish di.
Sighz, life is as boring as ever. I have about 1 month before work start. What should I do?? I know I have to brush up a lil, but no motivation. I guess maybe next week I'll organize a small Christmas gathering, and guitar session. Lets see how it goes.....
Anywayz, another 9 days till christmas. Everyone is planning on something. Those new UKMers are going to Switzerland/Austria. Tharsis is going London. The new juniors are going Hamburg. Me?? No where. Nvm. Shan has her friend dinner party, Adrian is going to his father's friend's house for christmas eve. I guess I'll be at home, singing 3 songs with my guitar - Lonely Christmas, 寂寞的季节, and silent night. It will be me, my guitar and my set of drama/variety shows/games. At least last year I get to talk to someone on the phone/MSN. This year nothing at all. Whatever...Merry Christmas everyone!!!
Btw, yesterday me Betrand and Adrian had a small LAN party. We played CS. We tag team against bunch of bots. Was fun after so long din play with friends. At first my killing rate was 11-28. After a change of map, my form suddenly came back. At the last map, I was top. Though it's not as fun as form3, but no doubt I enjoyed it. We also played NFS Underground 2 with the wheelpad. We drove the Escalade for drifting. Damn lame. And a few days back I played RA2. Ta pao the Soviet Union!!!! Hahaha. Man, though these are the old games, but I enjoyed more than the new games. New games only focuses on graphics, but the AI and game play are getting worse i felt. But there would be one game I'll continue playing - Pro Evolution Soccer. KS is playing Final Fantasy 7 which soon i might play too coz RA2 almost finish di.
Sighz, life is as boring as ever. I have about 1 month before work start. What should I do?? I know I have to brush up a lil, but no motivation. I guess maybe next week I'll organize a small Christmas gathering, and guitar session. Lets see how it goes.....
I might not be a very perfect person, but I always try to plan my steps carefully, and hopefully I will not get wrong. I know that humans do make mistakes, but I always tell myself to be careful not to make mistakes so that I don't have to be criticize by anyone. But I recently realized that I've been very wrong in things I've done.
I'll start way back from the past. In form 4 I started having a girlfriend. At that time, people used to know me as the Mr Good Guy. My girlfriend at that time was relatively sassy. Everytime she did something wrong, I have to cover up for her. I'll try to fulfill whatever she wants, without even thinking whether I'm able to do it or not. Well, I'm a very low self confident person, and I know I have to do double effort, or triple in order to keep my girlfriend by my side. Furthermore it's my first, and I'll do everything I could in order to stay in this relationships. I have friends telling me it's not worth doing so, and I just don't bother about it. Many times I've been invited for bball games, or outing by friends, but i fly kite. When I was in College, I start to feel very proud that I'm such a person. I've break up with her 2 times, with 1 of those I initiated it. I gave reasons because I've been hurt over and over again. At that time I've been very cruel to her. But after two months, my tears start dropping. I've regret of what I've just done, and I promise myself and to her that I'll not hurt her anymore. In that 2 months of break up period, she'd done really alot in order to get me back, but i was just so cold to her. You can use the world inhuman to describe what I've done. But miracle number 1 happen to me. I was given a second chance and we both got back together. Months after we get back together, I had this thing set in mind, that i'm mister good guy. So whatever you do, you must think if you've done right or not. Again, I believe I've been treating her really badly, which of course I don't see it at that time.
Finally in 2004, the 3rd break up occurs. the break up lasted 2 years. During this period, both of us walked on our life in different style. But most of the time I've been trying to prove that she's in the wrong, and it's all her fault. I just try to get attention from everyone that she hurt me so deeply. Even my previous post, whether directly or indirectly I've been trying to send a message to everyone that it's never my fault. However, we get back together in 2006. Miracle number 2 happen. Though our relationship was an up and down unstable one, and it's a LDR, but we manage to keep till last June, where i broke up with her again. At that time I had lots of reason for this break up, and convince everyone to believe that I've made the right path. maybe i was selfish, but I believe is for our own good. But time proven my decision wrong.
I've always being the ridiculous one. I've been the mean party between the both of us. I always try to find fault from her, but the biggest fault occur in myself. I've made a big promise not to hurt her anymore, but yet I hurt her again and again, and especially the latest one which is the break up in June. I was fortunate to know that both of us still have feelings for each other, but I believe it won't be for long. Why??? Because I know I'm not the Mr Good Guy anymore. Though we've been contacting each other in emails/telephones, but each time all i know is to hurt her over and over again. It turns out to be that I'm mr evil!!! At this very moment, I felt deeply the guiltyness and all the bad things I've done. During the first break up, I felt that I deserve better. But now, i wish someone could punish me hard. I don't expect anything from her anymore, not even another chance. I've wasted too many di, and I'm starting to lose confidence in myself anymore. Maybe I should just stay single, that way no one will get hurt.
I just wish the best for her now. No matter what happen in the future, I'm really glad that I've been given so many chances, and most importantly I've been given a chance to had such a wonderful moment. Thank you and sorry.....
I'll start way back from the past. In form 4 I started having a girlfriend. At that time, people used to know me as the Mr Good Guy. My girlfriend at that time was relatively sassy. Everytime she did something wrong, I have to cover up for her. I'll try to fulfill whatever she wants, without even thinking whether I'm able to do it or not. Well, I'm a very low self confident person, and I know I have to do double effort, or triple in order to keep my girlfriend by my side. Furthermore it's my first, and I'll do everything I could in order to stay in this relationships. I have friends telling me it's not worth doing so, and I just don't bother about it. Many times I've been invited for bball games, or outing by friends, but i fly kite. When I was in College, I start to feel very proud that I'm such a person. I've break up with her 2 times, with 1 of those I initiated it. I gave reasons because I've been hurt over and over again. At that time I've been very cruel to her. But after two months, my tears start dropping. I've regret of what I've just done, and I promise myself and to her that I'll not hurt her anymore. In that 2 months of break up period, she'd done really alot in order to get me back, but i was just so cold to her. You can use the world inhuman to describe what I've done. But miracle number 1 happen to me. I was given a second chance and we both got back together. Months after we get back together, I had this thing set in mind, that i'm mister good guy. So whatever you do, you must think if you've done right or not. Again, I believe I've been treating her really badly, which of course I don't see it at that time.
Finally in 2004, the 3rd break up occurs. the break up lasted 2 years. During this period, both of us walked on our life in different style. But most of the time I've been trying to prove that she's in the wrong, and it's all her fault. I just try to get attention from everyone that she hurt me so deeply. Even my previous post, whether directly or indirectly I've been trying to send a message to everyone that it's never my fault. However, we get back together in 2006. Miracle number 2 happen. Though our relationship was an up and down unstable one, and it's a LDR, but we manage to keep till last June, where i broke up with her again. At that time I had lots of reason for this break up, and convince everyone to believe that I've made the right path. maybe i was selfish, but I believe is for our own good. But time proven my decision wrong.
I've always being the ridiculous one. I've been the mean party between the both of us. I always try to find fault from her, but the biggest fault occur in myself. I've made a big promise not to hurt her anymore, but yet I hurt her again and again, and especially the latest one which is the break up in June. I was fortunate to know that both of us still have feelings for each other, but I believe it won't be for long. Why??? Because I know I'm not the Mr Good Guy anymore. Though we've been contacting each other in emails/telephones, but each time all i know is to hurt her over and over again. It turns out to be that I'm mr evil!!! At this very moment, I felt deeply the guiltyness and all the bad things I've done. During the first break up, I felt that I deserve better. But now, i wish someone could punish me hard. I don't expect anything from her anymore, not even another chance. I've wasted too many di, and I'm starting to lose confidence in myself anymore. Maybe I should just stay single, that way no one will get hurt.
I just wish the best for her now. No matter what happen in the future, I'm really glad that I've been given so many chances, and most importantly I've been given a chance to had such a wonderful moment. Thank you and sorry.....
Good news first. If there's nothing going wrong in this 1 month, I'll be starting my internship on the 15th January in a research institute called Fraunhofer Insitute of Microelectronics and Circuit. The institute is located just opposite to my University so one of the advantage is that i don't have to shift to other place. This institute mainly do research on Microelectronics and IC, mainly based on CMOS technology, microcontrollers, and so on. For more info log on to www.ims.fraunhofer.de
It's a german website but there's english page as well. Well, it wasn't my first choice but I'm more than glad. If I successfully complete my internship there, I think it's gonna be a major asset for me.
I've been watching a Hongkong drama called "Marriage of Inconvenience" ,两妻时代。 It's a story about this married couple divorce because of a huge misunderstanding between them. After divorce they still fight alot. The fact is that they both still love each other. Well, normally I won't watch this kinda drama, since I'm not into those romantic type, especially Taiwan series. But after a few episodes, I kinda hav alot of thoughts, especially reflecting myself. Sometimes it takes just more than feelings for a couple to stay in a relationship. It might be just a misunderstanding, but sometimes the misunderstanding is just a a spark plug to start the engine, but in fact there're a lot of problems behind it that was neglected.
Recently I've been very childish. But today, I suddenly wake up from my fantasy world. I start having thoughts and finally realize that my future aint the way it is in the fantasy land. Though we still have feelings for each other, but there're just too many factors that doesn't bring us together. I'm starting to lose grip on what I've hoped for. It's always painful to see the one you love is having someone else by him/her side. But if you're mature enough, you should let go the pain, and start blessing them on having a happyness and hopefully forever.
I'm being very pessimistic now. Sighz, I should be celebrating bout having an internship finally after so long. Yes I'm relief, but now I'm having emotional troubles. Sighz.....
It's a german website but there's english page as well. Well, it wasn't my first choice but I'm more than glad. If I successfully complete my internship there, I think it's gonna be a major asset for me.
I've been watching a Hongkong drama called "Marriage of Inconvenience" ,两妻时代。 It's a story about this married couple divorce because of a huge misunderstanding between them. After divorce they still fight alot. The fact is that they both still love each other. Well, normally I won't watch this kinda drama, since I'm not into those romantic type, especially Taiwan series. But after a few episodes, I kinda hav alot of thoughts, especially reflecting myself. Sometimes it takes just more than feelings for a couple to stay in a relationship. It might be just a misunderstanding, but sometimes the misunderstanding is just a a spark plug to start the engine, but in fact there're a lot of problems behind it that was neglected.
Recently I've been very childish. But today, I suddenly wake up from my fantasy world. I start having thoughts and finally realize that my future aint the way it is in the fantasy land. Though we still have feelings for each other, but there're just too many factors that doesn't bring us together. I'm starting to lose grip on what I've hoped for. It's always painful to see the one you love is having someone else by him/her side. But if you're mature enough, you should let go the pain, and start blessing them on having a happyness and hopefully forever.
I'm being very pessimistic now. Sighz, I should be celebrating bout having an internship finally after so long. Yes I'm relief, but now I'm having emotional troubles. Sighz.....
I had a small chat with one of my close friend today. She just had her birthday yesterday and I asked about how she celebrated it. Turns out that she really enjoyed it, receiving gifts and surprises from people she care. I guess it would be one of those memorable birthday for her. When i heard that, half of my heart felt happy for her, the other half felt jealous. Well, I have some nice bdays, but never great. I don't blame anyone coz my bdays are always not at the correct time. Since primary skul till secondary skul, my bdays are on exam period. And after that, it will be too late to have surprises. In College, i had my bday very close to A-level exams. And when I'm in Germany, not many ppl know bout my bday. Though I'm 22 years old but i never had a great kick-ass bday party. I'm a grown up but still hav this childish thoughts bout bday. I don't care, the next time I must hav at least 1 grand bday party. If I get the job on monday, I'll probably finish my job around march and maybe...i mean super maybe 0.05% that i might come back to malaysia for my bday before starting my thesis. Anywayz, I'm really glad to see my friends having a great time.
Do you believe that there's nothing in this world that won't change even a single bit? I don't. People around me change alot. Some change good some change bad. But sometimes it's also hard to determine wat's good wat's bad. It all depend on point of view. Well, I even dare to say some of my closest friend turn bad, bad according to my definitions. I know i shouldn't make such a big statement. I mean who am I do judge someone? I'm not that good myself. But I've seen so many things that has negative effects on me. However there're major part of it where i have to take responsibilities because of my actions. I'm still glad to have some close friends who are loyal to me, and my loyal to them.
I am super confused of what I'm doing here. I'm losing grip of my life again. I just felt that every step i made is just wrong. Sighz, I really don't know what's wrong with me.
Anywayz, I'm tired today and feeling sick.
Do you believe that there's nothing in this world that won't change even a single bit? I don't. People around me change alot. Some change good some change bad. But sometimes it's also hard to determine wat's good wat's bad. It all depend on point of view. Well, I even dare to say some of my closest friend turn bad, bad according to my definitions. I know i shouldn't make such a big statement. I mean who am I do judge someone? I'm not that good myself. But I've seen so many things that has negative effects on me. However there're major part of it where i have to take responsibilities because of my actions. I'm still glad to have some close friends who are loyal to me, and my loyal to them.
I am super confused of what I'm doing here. I'm losing grip of my life again. I just felt that every step i made is just wrong. Sighz, I really don't know what's wrong with me.
Anywayz, I'm tired today and feeling sick.
It's December already. Another 3 weeks time, Christmas will be here. I had a different Christmas every year, some happy some sad. In 2004 I had a super lonely Christmas. Basically Christmas at that year seems to me more like an ordinary day. 2005 wasn't bad. I had christmas in Dublin with my brothers and his friends. I had a 3 days straight Christmas party in different person's house. But felt sometimes a lil awkward coz they're all doctors except me. 2006 was kinda peaceful. Just had some chats wif pals on the phone/MSN. This year I don't think there would be any difference. I haven't been receiving Christmas gifts for a long long time. So pathetic. Well gifts are not so important actually but once in a while I would become childish thinking bout my childhood days where we exchange gifts every year. The best gift i ever had on christmas during childhood was the captain hook sword, damn yeng lolx.
Sighz, you guys know the word "Jiwang" right? For those who don't, it means sort of having some flashbacks. It's a word created by the east malaysians, according to Oliver, my ex-roomie. Anyway I've been jiwang-ing alot these days. Missing out too many things in my life. On Saturday, Tharsis, Thomas and I had dinner together and we sort of chat about our lives here. Tharsis is a very slack and flexible guy. To him, it doesn't really matter much where he is. He can just find things to do and get occupied with it. Thomas has been here for only couple of months but he kinda felt that he has no life here and feel like giving up already. As for me, after 3 yaers i've been here, I start to feel like how Tharsis felt. I hate the life here at first, but slowly getting numb. Though life wasn't that enjoyable, but I still manage to do something interesting over here. Travelling for example is one of it. I never dreamt that i could actually tour around popular places in Europe. But besides all those fun i had here, the most precious thing i gain is experience. I won't be proud of myself that I've completed a degree from Germany, or having a good grades for it. But I would definitely be proud of myself for all those life experience i had when i'm here.
But still, though i can some, but i lost more. Do you know where i watched those movies throughout the years?? I can only watch downloaded movies. I have to wait at least 2 months after release for movies. Everyone's blog is talking bout the movie, giving critics/ratings but I can only read it and try imagining how the movie is before getting to watch it myself. So far I've only been to the cinema less than 5 times in 3 years in Germany!!! The first movie was "Hitch" where i watch with my brother in Sony Center, Berlin. 2nd was "Basic Instinct 2" I watched in London with CK and friends. 3rd was "Harry Potter:Prisoner of Azkaban"(think so) in Cinestar Duesseldorf. 4th was "transformer" in UCI Duisburg. that's all. So pathetic. I wanted to watch so many good movies such as Elizabeth : the golden age, Hitman and so on. Sighz, no chance. I've missed out so many great movies, or great time where i could've watched wif my best bros. I missed karaoke sessions. Though I'm not a good singer, but I love karaoke for reasons. Now i can only play guitar and sing. I miss Jap food. I miss sushi. I miss driving. I know fuel prices increase alot these days but that won't stop me from driving if i had a chance. I'll work my ass off just to pay for fuel. I also miss the most basic thing, basketball!!! Now it's worse, it's winter and i can't do any sports at all!!! I'm not sure if i am as good as before already, almost 1 year din play. well actually i did but only pure shooting and 1 on 1. Did not really play match anymore!!!
I guess nobody understand how i felt, especially these period. But I don't expect anyone to understand coz u gotta be in my shoes to feel it. I guess Kelsen would understand how i felt. I felt much better blogging, and writing diary. But still i felt miserable. I wish i could sleep and just forget about the sad things.
Merry early Christmas everyone!
Sighz, you guys know the word "Jiwang" right? For those who don't, it means sort of having some flashbacks. It's a word created by the east malaysians, according to Oliver, my ex-roomie. Anyway I've been jiwang-ing alot these days. Missing out too many things in my life. On Saturday, Tharsis, Thomas and I had dinner together and we sort of chat about our lives here. Tharsis is a very slack and flexible guy. To him, it doesn't really matter much where he is. He can just find things to do and get occupied with it. Thomas has been here for only couple of months but he kinda felt that he has no life here and feel like giving up already. As for me, after 3 yaers i've been here, I start to feel like how Tharsis felt. I hate the life here at first, but slowly getting numb. Though life wasn't that enjoyable, but I still manage to do something interesting over here. Travelling for example is one of it. I never dreamt that i could actually tour around popular places in Europe. But besides all those fun i had here, the most precious thing i gain is experience. I won't be proud of myself that I've completed a degree from Germany, or having a good grades for it. But I would definitely be proud of myself for all those life experience i had when i'm here.
But still, though i can some, but i lost more. Do you know where i watched those movies throughout the years?? I can only watch downloaded movies. I have to wait at least 2 months after release for movies. Everyone's blog is talking bout the movie, giving critics/ratings but I can only read it and try imagining how the movie is before getting to watch it myself. So far I've only been to the cinema less than 5 times in 3 years in Germany!!! The first movie was "Hitch" where i watch with my brother in Sony Center, Berlin. 2nd was "Basic Instinct 2" I watched in London with CK and friends. 3rd was "Harry Potter:Prisoner of Azkaban"(think so) in Cinestar Duesseldorf. 4th was "transformer" in UCI Duisburg. that's all. So pathetic. I wanted to watch so many good movies such as Elizabeth : the golden age, Hitman and so on. Sighz, no chance. I've missed out so many great movies, or great time where i could've watched wif my best bros. I missed karaoke sessions. Though I'm not a good singer, but I love karaoke for reasons. Now i can only play guitar and sing. I miss Jap food. I miss sushi. I miss driving. I know fuel prices increase alot these days but that won't stop me from driving if i had a chance. I'll work my ass off just to pay for fuel. I also miss the most basic thing, basketball!!! Now it's worse, it's winter and i can't do any sports at all!!! I'm not sure if i am as good as before already, almost 1 year din play. well actually i did but only pure shooting and 1 on 1. Did not really play match anymore!!!
I guess nobody understand how i felt, especially these period. But I don't expect anyone to understand coz u gotta be in my shoes to feel it. I guess Kelsen would understand how i felt. I felt much better blogging, and writing diary. But still i felt miserable. I wish i could sleep and just forget about the sad things.
Merry early Christmas everyone!
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