Jiwang

It's December already. Another 3 weeks time, Christmas will be here. I had a different Christmas every year, some happy some sad. In 2004 I had a super lonely Christmas. Basically Christmas at that year seems to me more like an ordinary day. 2005 wasn't bad. I had christmas in Dublin with my brothers and his friends. I had a 3 days straight Christmas party in different person's house. But felt sometimes a lil awkward coz they're all doctors except me. 2006 was kinda peaceful. Just had some chats wif pals on the phone/MSN. This year I don't think there would be any difference. I haven't been receiving Christmas gifts for a long long time. So pathetic. Well gifts are not so important actually but once in a while I would become childish thinking bout my childhood days where we exchange gifts every year. The best gift i ever had on christmas during childhood was the captain hook sword, damn yeng lolx.

Sighz, you guys know the word "Jiwang" right? For those who don't, it means sort of having some flashbacks. It's a word created by the east malaysians, according to Oliver, my ex-roomie. Anyway I've been jiwang-ing alot these days. Missing out too many things in my life. On Saturday, Tharsis, Thomas and I had dinner together and we sort of chat about our lives here. Tharsis is a very slack and flexible guy. To him, it doesn't really matter much where he is. He can just find things to do and get occupied with it. Thomas has been here for only couple of months but he kinda felt that he has no life here and feel like giving up already. As for me, after 3 yaers i've been here, I start to feel like how Tharsis felt. I hate the life here at first, but slowly getting numb. Though life wasn't that enjoyable, but I still manage to do something interesting over here. Travelling for example is one of it. I never dreamt that i could actually tour around popular places in Europe. But besides all those fun i had here, the most precious thing i gain is experience. I won't be proud of myself that I've completed a degree from Germany, or having a good grades for it. But I would definitely be proud of myself for all those life experience i had when i'm here.

But still, though i can some, but i lost more. Do you know where i watched those movies throughout the years?? I can only watch downloaded movies. I have to wait at least 2 months after release for movies. Everyone's blog is talking bout the movie, giving critics/ratings but I can only read it and try imagining how the movie is before getting to watch it myself. So far I've only been to the cinema less than 5 times in 3 years in Germany!!! The first movie was "Hitch" where i watch with my brother in Sony Center, Berlin. 2nd was "Basic Instinct 2" I watched in London with CK and friends. 3rd was "Harry Potter:Prisoner of Azkaban"(think so) in Cinestar Duesseldorf. 4th was "transformer" in UCI Duisburg. that's all. So pathetic. I wanted to watch so many good movies such as Elizabeth : the golden age, Hitman and so on. Sighz, no chance. I've missed out so many great movies, or great time where i could've watched wif my best bros. I missed karaoke sessions. Though I'm not a good singer, but I love karaoke for reasons. Now i can only play guitar and sing. I miss Jap food. I miss sushi. I miss driving. I know fuel prices increase alot these days but that won't stop me from driving if i had a chance. I'll work my ass off just to pay for fuel. I also miss the most basic thing, basketball!!! Now it's worse, it's winter and i can't do any sports at all!!! I'm not sure if i am as good as before already, almost 1 year din play. well actually i did but only pure shooting and 1 on 1. Did not really play match anymore!!!

I guess nobody understand how i felt, especially these period. But I don't expect anyone to understand coz u gotta be in my shoes to feel it. I guess Kelsen would understand how i felt. I felt much better blogging, and writing diary. But still i felt miserable. I wish i could sleep and just forget about the sad things.

Merry early Christmas everyone!