whatever

I had a small chat with one of my close friend today. She just had her birthday yesterday and I asked about how she celebrated it. Turns out that she really enjoyed it, receiving gifts and surprises from people she care. I guess it would be one of those memorable birthday for her. When i heard that, half of my heart felt happy for her, the other half felt jealous. Well, I have some nice bdays, but never great. I don't blame anyone coz my bdays are always not at the correct time. Since primary skul till secondary skul, my bdays are on exam period. And after that, it will be too late to have surprises. In College, i had my bday very close to A-level exams. And when I'm in Germany, not many ppl know bout my bday. Though I'm 22 years old but i never had a great kick-ass bday party. I'm a grown up but still hav this childish thoughts bout bday. I don't care, the next time I must hav at least 1 grand bday party. If I get the job on monday, I'll probably finish my job around march and maybe...i mean super maybe 0.05% that i might come back to malaysia for my bday before starting my thesis. Anywayz, I'm really glad to see my friends having a great time.

Do you believe that there's nothing in this world that won't change even a single bit? I don't. People around me change alot. Some change good some change bad. But sometimes it's also hard to determine wat's good wat's bad. It all depend on point of view. Well, I even dare to say some of my closest friend turn bad, bad according to my definitions. I know i shouldn't make such a big statement. I mean who am I do judge someone? I'm not that good myself. But I've seen so many things that has negative effects on me. However there're major part of it where i have to take responsibilities because of my actions. I'm still glad to have some close friends who are loyal to me, and my loyal to them.

I am super confused of what I'm doing here. I'm losing grip of my life again. I just felt that every step i made is just wrong. Sighz, I really don't know what's wrong with me.

Anywayz, I'm tired today and feeling sick.