the streak continues

Some people say, when you keep thinking of the bad things, then the bad things will come. But all the bad stuff that happen to me so far are unavoidable. It happens because it was meant to be. Although most of the problems aren't settled, but I'm working my way through. I used to be the person that run away from problem. But i guess, I don't have any where else to run. The good thing is that I have a very great parents that support me all the way. I express the problem to them and they did their part to help me although it's abit troublesome to them. Though it didn't help much, but they gave me the strength and motivation to face the problems.

My parents and my brother are going to Taiwan on the raya holiday. I am not jealous that they're going, I'm just sad that I can't join them. Since 5 years ago, my family had never celebrate any festival with all the members present. The only time where four of us were together in a trip was in Ireland 3 years ago. I remember the first time seeing my mom in Ireland after 1 year didn't meet up with her, I nearly cried. I can see that her hair is getting white. I remember I actually cancelled 2 exams just to meet my parents in Ireland, but it was all worth it. After that we never had a full family gathering before. The worse period was that me and my bro were both in Europe and left only my parents. I remember my mom told me that she only cook rice for 1 portion and my parents share them because they don't eat that much lately. They even told me that they don't have a proper rice cooker anymore. Not that they can't afford, just that they don't see a point to buy one. I've missed 4 birthday celebrations with them, 4 CNY celebrations, mooncake festival, dumpling festival, Hari Raya, Christmas and so many others. I'm not gonna make it for my dad's birthday this year either, althought i thought i can make it. Now i'm not even sure about christmas.

When I was in high school, I hate it that every year I have to celebrate all these with my family because they are really boring. In college, I finally have my freedom. Besides CNY, I spent the other festivals with my friends, especially during birthday. Everything changed. I really want to have those celebrations with them.

This month is just gonna be emotional for me.