But it wasn't really the journey to Pan Pacific hotel nor the wedding dinner that made me sad. The main reason was because I went with Gibran and throughout the journey I had a nice chat with him. In the dinner, There are few classmates attended and we joke and laugh so much. I was kinda back to my lameness since being a silent guy for months especially those time in Germany. Food obviously wasn't that great eventhough there're expensive food like shark fin or abalone. But overall the dinner wasn't that bad. The only bad thing is I am reminded by my classmates about my case with STMicroelectronics and might dent my career advancement in Singapore because i'm potentially blacklisted. Well I can't be too worried bout that at the moment. Just have to keep trying until I really face a dead end.
The sad part only start to kick in when Gibran receive a call to meet up with his girlfriend and that reminded me alot about how I used to have that and Was eager to leave the place to meet up with mine. Now that is over, I don't know when I'll have that experience again. The journey back was also quite suffering as I was alone and I had a long journey to have all those flashbacks. Honestly even until now after 3 months, I admit I am still putting hopes that things might turn around. The hope wasn't totally just a dream when I receive a surprise call and smses from her. I wasn't able to talk nicely with her mainly because deep down in me I am still feeling angry and upset over a sudden change of feelings which led to the break up. Now that I'm waiting for champions league final to start, I had some time to think bout it again. The last sms I think I made a very straight forward question regarding the "hope", and receive no reply at all. I suppose that already answer to my question. She just wanted to visit Singapore, not really me. I appreciate, her effort to try to be friends again like I've mentioned in the previous post. But I am just too weak to move on at the moment. It's good to know, but it's just hard to accept. But still, a good sign for me. At least I can slap myself everytime I think of the hope and start to move on whichever way I am able to.
Of my 26 years of life, 10 years I've been on and off relationship with the same person. To be honest, those 10 years was the most extreme years for me, meaning the best time I ever had, and also the worse. Literally, I have to remove this 10 years from my life, and minus those first few years being a noob baby, I have only 10 years of remaining memories. Again, among this 10 remaining years, most of my time I dedicate to academic achievement. So that left me theoretically with not much sweet memories of my childhood, or my teenage life, or even my young adult life. I am 26, the last quarter of my twenties. I wish I could really fast forward to the time where I am enjoying again. I hope it's not that far away. 2011 is not a good year for me, and if i extrapolate this trend, I guess it'll last for the whole 2011. Just hope I can get my career started soon and hope I can find ways to really enjoy life.
Everyone dies, but not everyone live a life like they should. I am definitely wasting my one and only life.
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