The call.....

today is theoretically the saddest day of my life, at least until now. Next week I will have another sad week and Saturday will be the Ultimatum. For 10 years on and off, it is just sad that it has to come to this point where she's confuse about our relationship. For once I was so firm about it, almost certain nothing will happen to this relationship. I guess it will definitely add to one sacrifice I have to make for being in Germany instead of staying back in Singapore. As the end comes, my verdict towards choosing Germany is becoming less bright. I am always trying hard to defend my decision, but in the end i guess there are more sacrifice made than gain. I lost my social time, I have to pay extra and now in a brink of losing my most precious relationship.

Well, people envy me that I can be with my love one in UK, taking pics of nice buildings and castle. For once I also thought that, but how am I even going to open my photo album now. I don't think I can. Its just gonna make my tears drop pretty madly.

For the past 2 years, it has been all about her. I enjoy watching movies in the cinema, purely because she's beside me. I enjoy driving around because she'll be sitting at the front seat of my car. I enjoy going around having food hunt, purely because she eats like barbarian like i do. I enjoy putting on nice clothings, because i love to impress her, or at least don't look ugly when i'm with her. I just have a long list to go on with this, but the more i type the more my keyboard is gonna get wet.

It will never be that easy for me, eventhough i've been through this. I don't know how long i need this time. 10 years? 100 years? Or maybe 2012 will wipe out the entire human race, or even I survive that 2029 Terminator is gonna kill us all. As for now, I see darkness. I don't see any light anymore. 2011, a year without joy for me so far.

I'm hurting so badly....so badly...........