Day 5 Official

Sometimes, it's just hard to describe a particular feeling that I am having. So it's finally really over this time. I just don't understand why I am sorta not allowed to be sad over my decision since its made by me myself. I just made it because it was clear after a long fights and argue on Friday and Saturday. I am not trying to be the winner in all situation, just that I find all I said was just bounced back by saying I'm childish. I don't even think its the matter of being mature or childish anymore. I just felt its difficult to continue that way if a relationship isn't valued that much. I may have been a jerk in the past being such control freak, but I think this time it shows from her side the lack of commitment and relationship priority when our relationship is already on the verge of breaking.

Yes, now she finally wanted to patch things up, which I have been trying to do the whole time this week until I gave up on Friday. I guess its fair to say, when u lose it u realize how important it is. But that is not going to be a long term solution. Imagine what will happen when there's already kids around and after marriage.

Well, now is time to cool off. Now is the time for recovery. But I guess as time goes by, she'll realize perhaps I am not the one she really want. Perhaps now its just because I made the call and I felt sad about it.

I guess from today on, my phone will not ring or sms that often anymore. Honestly, I miss those times. Really. I cherish every moment we had. Godspeed recover is what I need now. By the time I return home, I guess she'll have a wonderful life attached or single. As for me, I have always been the guy who's stuck in the past. So, the only thing that can really make me happy is to get out and start moving forward. This normally can be achieve with a life breakthrough. I hope I will get one.

For now, if you ask me how i felt about things, I am still very very sad, depressed and still trying to find ways to recover, despite calling for it. Hope it won't last.