This relationship starts to fall in recent months. Honestly, I take the blame as it was me who caused that to happen. I was insecure, and I become very control freak, sensitive, and jealous. In a way, I conclude myself as being a jerk. So finally everything crack, and we fight over it. After cooling down, I sincerely apologize to her. I wanted things to work out. But she don't seem keen. But all she gave me was she don't know what to do. I gave her time to think, but she wrote off by saying its not going to work even if i gave time. So in a blitz, she told me that she will hold on, but didn't even show signs that she wanted this anymore. I reckon, I talk nicely to her and I clearly understand it takes time to recover from everything like that. But, she sounded like shit to me, its like stepping the wound between us even more. I still talk nicely, but ended up being labelled as childish.
The other thing I felt injustice about is facebook wall post. I was badly down emotionally, and all I did was sharing in facebook. I might have been posted excessively but hey its my wallpost after all and i'm just being sad ain't? The worse thing was she said that was too much. I was like WTF? Erm its not my game to do comparison, but look at how she usually rant out wall post when we quarrel? How come when she did it, its totally ok but when I do it, I'm childish? Just because I am a guy and she's a girl? oh tell me since when i guy cannot be sad over a break up?
One word to describe, lack of commitment.
I have demands and expectation. But it all came from the same person. I have only been in relationship with one person, and of course all my expectation comes from the same person. But when that person reacted differently, who'd changed?
All I wanted to tell her was that she didn't show that relationship is priority when you need it be in priority. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect her to put everything behind our relationship. Just that since last week itself we were already fighting and the relationship is on the verge of breaking. Instead of settling it first, no she didn't. When I brought this up to her, She tell me relationship is not everything. Perhaps its clear by that time that my assumptions towards her are wrong and i think i can't take it with somebody who doesn't put relationship first when it is needed.
And she just focus on looking good. She's just afraid people will think bad about her if the break up happens. Then it is damn clear she didn't care about this relationship much anymore, she just care about the looks of it. Worse thing I expect her to do is that she went to my parents and tell her about our break up. The purpose was that she's afraid I will tell different story and my mom will hate her. So who's childish here?
U know the worse type of break up is when you have to feel sad, depress and injustice. I still find it hard to take it, and I'm struggling. But I guess thats the best choice.
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