Day 2 Official

Today my concentration was way too low in the office. Every 5 mins I stare at the phone. The conversation we had on Wednesday kept circulating my mind. Its like, she didn't want to let go. Yes it made me so happy. But the reason was coz if we break my parents is gonna hate her, n my friends is gonna hate her. The reason why didn't want to hold on, was because I have been ridiculous and really made her pressured. Honestly, in this few days I really thought of it and I realize I have been acting like a jerk. I wish i could change things around. But, this few days her conversation was cold towards me and didn't show signs that she want to hold on with the hope I'll change. She wiped out all possibility by saying i'll only give empty promises as i always do. I guess at this point, it is clear that i am not worth being trusted anymore.

So I thought maybe I should let go if she's happier that way. Yes, I also admit when i told her that, i want to see what is her reaction. If she shows contention to let go and hope I'll still hold on, I can still be positive about things. But all she gave me was that she don't know. Sometimes it doesn't have to say it out loud, i guess this reaction already shows its over.

I was reluctant, I am still very reluctant to let go. Trust me, I am feeling like dying, but by saying this I am assuring you I will not do stupid things don't worry. I thought to reduce my sadness and to speed up my recovery, I should cut all contacts from her first. But I am too weak to withstand it. I burst out, sent emotional sms to her, but I was labelled childish. I guess loving someone, and losing the one u love, and show signs of unwillingness to let go means childish.

Now, I am to be blame for ruining this relationship and not giving chance to turn things around because i changed fb status. I guess everyone knows, facebook status doesn't mean anything at all if things were to turn around at this point. But I guess, things aren't turning around because the feeling is faded, the heart is faded, the will is faded as well.

How much more tears that will fall? How long I need to recover? How and what should I do now?? Its just so difficult for me.