Did I ever mention before that it was one of those greatest moments? I bet I did as I always share great moments. It was kinda boring initially as I thought I have to stay in Singapore in case my presence is needed for any document application. But after 2 weeks, I decided that I desperately want to go home to see my friends and of course, someone special. I had the best two months full of movies outing and dinner or BBQ. I even have two separate trips with Kelsen in Singapore and her immediately after. To conclude, I left Malaysia at my highest peak to Germany.
Then it was disastrous weeks for me as I find it difficult to settle down. I even broke down in tears badly for days as I've been missing the people and fun back home. Until now, I don't think I am quite settled though I have start searching for jobs here. Back then, I was seriously counting days, and hope my time will be over here and go back to what I've left behind before I came.
I guess I have to admit I am being too naive and childish to hope that things didn't change, or change in a positive way. Two months after I am here, I have already felt the changes in someone. But I try to move on as I know I am in a long distance, and I can't expect things to be the same. At least this is what I tried to tell myself, and try to find ways to settle down here too. It is seriously difficult when you're alone and there's not much stuff to do around here. I was depressed and pressured as well initially due to work too.
I don't want to do into details about things despite remember all the bits and pieces crystal clear in my mind. But somewhere in December where I had my two weeks Christmas break and I went north to find my old friends, I already felt the changes and things were just so ruined then. It honestly spoilt my holiday and made me start to wonder alot of things.
Somehow that month was skipped through, and thankfully yet nothing have really happened. Then comes January where things should turn around. She's flying to UK for training, and theoretically it should be better for us as the distance is much closer and gave me the opportunity to meet up after so long. I was freaking damn excited, and I am even more excited when my tickets are confirmed. Though at one point I had also some negative thoughts like maybe she'll feel a little stranger of me after so long didn't meet up. So the day came and I enjoyed the trip pretty much, and straight away this trip went to the top chart of my most enjoyable trip i ever had. Unfortunately, I just gotta realized that I am clapping my own hand. This trip is my top list, but doesn't mean its the top for everybody involve. Well, again I know I am acting childish, but i guess i have every right to be sad.
Just 1 month after the trip and all, things became from bad to worse. Finally I have addressed the main issue out and asked a fairly simple question, but a question that should've been considered seriously since few months back. Despite that, there are quite a number of fights involve, and once again it broke me down into one week full of tears hiding under my blanket on my bed at night. Can u believe a 26 year old male with a Master degree soon still crying like a baby? I don't know anyone else does that though. But I guess I have to start preparing for the worse as I finally get the honest answer. Things changed, and it can just happen without any prior notice. Oh maybe i should take that back, as the prior notice has been there, just that I choose to believe its not true.
I am sorry for the people in Japan, but I predict I'll be crying like a tsunami rain too. Sigh.
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