Let it be..let it be

I was suppose to post up more of those Funky pics of ma fave footballerz n "fave" foolballerz but I was kinda stuck wif ideas today. I was blurry, unconcious, miserable, empty and down. I'm losing myself today.

After 2 funny post, I guess I have to be the typical me again. Emotional blog. I was suppose to at least read something or do some exercise today but I was just not in a mood. Well, as i did mention in my past post, today, the 10th of July, 2 years back was my official date I had a break up and yes though its still clearly in my mind but I'm ok with it. It does a lil affect on my mood today, but that'z not the main reason i'm feeling down today.

Today, I was waiting for my ex to on9 coz we made deal to do so. But she had some problems and so she couldn't appear on9 during the time we're suppose to. While waiting, I actually watched some chinese series. I start to think, past present future, what I've did, what I am doing and what I'll be doing in the future in many aspect. Academically, I was excellent in the past minus the A-level time, I've never worried bout studies. Now, I'm struggling and kinda unstable. Sometimes I can be really good and sometimes I just suck big time. I blame no one but myself. In the future, I'm not sure. Its no more a matter of academic, but career. I always dream of being some sucessful person, not rich but at least an average income. But based on my performance now, this dream of mine is far from reality. I knoe but I'm still sitting here doing nothing to bring the dream to reality. Just no motivation, or the easiest word to describe myself, LAZY!!!

Physically, I always dream of having a fit outlook. Of course I ain't dreaming of being as macho as Arnold Schwarzernagger but at least hav a lil more muscle. I'm too skinny, everyone says that and I think that way too. I'm doing push ups n sit ups but not constantly. Its like I'll only do when i have the mood to do. I know its equivalent to not doing anything because If i don't do constantly, there'll not be any result. Again, no motivation. I'm a person who likes beach alot but I just can't be one of those beachboys only wearing a beach pants but topless. I'm not conservative guy, but only if I'm more muscular, I wouldn't mind topless.

Physical looks is just a small part, I think the biggest fear in me is my self confidence. As everyone knows, especially those who read my blog, basically I'm a guy who doesn't have much self-confidence. Can say I'm a shy guy. I seldom able to face someone especially opposite sex and start a conversation. I think this is the biggest problem in me. academic wise, I can at least work harder to improve it, physical wise I can also put more effort but for this case, its never easy to build up self confidence. I just felt like I'm not 21 but 12. I'm so immature and just refuse to grow up.

Sighz, its so hard for me to express my feelings over here actually. I guess i'll just stop. Sorry again for posting such pathetic topic...tomorrow I'll be ok. And I'll start doing fancy pics again.....