As usual, every end of the year I will make a summary of what I've done, and how I felt about the year. 2007 overall wasn't a good year for me especially end of the year. I can say almost every step I take was wrong. A year full of regretful stuff. However I still have some enjoyable moments.
So from January. It was my 5th sem and I have hell lots of labs to accomplish. One after another. Nothing much during this month actually. This year I did not go anywhere for countdown, instead I was whole day at home, think i was watching drama/variety shows. Did a lil preparation for exams. Tharsis went home to Malaysia, and I got some gift from my gf(currently ex).
February was a very hectic month for me due to exams. Normally we have 5 exams average per semester. But I took 8 exams, 7 of them are in German. Passed them all except from one, which 5 out of 23 students passed. So I wasn't the lousiest lolz. Had my first valentine with someone I love after 2 years of dry valentine. Received a valentine t-shirt which is still in my cupboard, won't be able to wear it anymore I guess.
First half of March was still exam for me. I've been camping in library almost everyday from day till night. I had a 2 weeks holiday after my exams but I still had an oral exam somewhere in April so had to study abit. Didn't go anywhere far, but went Bochum with Tharsis and friends just to jalan-jalan. Move my furniture around and still not satisfied with my room. I'll do better when I have my own permanent room.
First week of April, one exam and my birthday. Did ok in the exam, though could be better. As for my birthday, not as grand as those from friends, didn't had any celebration basically. I think I had cream soup and bread, self made. Received gifts from my gf at that time. A cute lil bear which is now right beside my speakers on my working table. A hel loads of groceries which is so important, especially those Nescafe 3 in 1 and a pink T-shirt. Though it was simple, but honestly I was happy because I virtually celebrated bday with the one I love at that time, after 2 years. However I wish to have a more grand birthday at least once in my life. Meantime, I've been looking forward for my parents to come over. Been busy planning trips, and planning my studies as well. Took up a project, but screwed up in the end. Around 10th April, a new semester starts, and again I'm planning on taking 8 exams. I took 3 non-technical subjects, which leads up to a total of 11 subjects. Hell yeah!!
May was fairly good. Again I was busy with labs and school stuff. Did the project for 2 weeks, but don't nothing because of that stupid blardy supervisor. In the end decided to just walk off from the project. Fuck him, he's an asshole. Me n my teammate wanted to punch him long ago. Again, did more plannings for the Euro trip. Parents finally came around 26th May, and we took a walk around my Uni, and around this area.
I was still in Berlin and Muenchen during the first week of June. This was my second time visiting those two cities. But Muenchen hav been a fantastic place for me, and I luv it so much there. Came back from trip, had alot of worries bout my future, and then the break up. From then, every step I took was kinda wrong. I strongly believe that my decision was right all the time, but now no more. You see, we can only walk forward according to time, and we can't turn back and change what we've done wrong. I believe even if there exist a time machine, it doesn't help anyway. You can change the process but the end result is still the same. That's how fragile humans are. In this month, I was suppose to start studying as I'm taking 8 exams but I was such a slacker. Everyday jiwanging.
End of July was exam period. I am finally able to start studying but a very slow start. I was still thinking of what I've done and whether it's right or wrong. People say the greatest enemy is ourselves. It's true. I was fighting against myself all the time and somehow I failed to win the enemy on me. But slowly I shifted my attention to studies as I know I have to pass everything, and best if i get a good grades for it. Again, I camp in the library almost everyday from morning till evening.
First two weeks of August, I was still having exams. The week after exams, went out to celebrate with Tharsis in Duesseldorf, partially because of the end of the exams, and partially because I did good in one of the papers. Had Maredo steak, pizza hut and starbucks on separate days in that week. Spent hell lots of money on that week. But whenever I'm at home, I start to jiwang again. I start to hav flashbacks which bring me tears because it was too wonderful to have that experience. I doubt I can have similar memories in the future. Every year I was back in Malaysia around this month, but this year I'm going no where. Being so lonely in Germany, and again nobody understand how i feel. I do admit I had wonderful times, but when the pain comes, it hurts big.
September used to be the sweetest month in my life since 2001. But this year it was kinda lonely and sad month. Nothing really much happen though. I had 1 oral exam at the end of the month and suddenly Kar Sang had a plan to meet me up somewhere in Europe. At first the initial plan was that he'll come to my place and we hang out around here. But I was so afraid he'll waste up his money seeing nothing here. So we plan on a UK trip somewhere in mid October. Manage to get cheap flights. BUt most of the time I was with Tharsis n his friends and as usual searching for my internship. That's about it.
October was slightly better. I went on a trip with KS to UK. We meet up my close friend CK and wan leng. Then we meet up with Soo Fan and Jun. Though I've been London before, but it's so different with different company. Went down leeds, Manchester and Cardiff osso. Now I've been to all da big countries in UK. England Scotland Ireland N.Ireland and Wales. Came back from UK, had a lil up n down with someone. Start to realize more mistakes in life. But on the other hand super busy with application. Tried making tiramisu but failed lol.
November. My first time writing song, first time doing home made video. Turns out to have a good response. For the past 3 months I've been playing lots of guitar. Still hoping for an intern soon. This month I've been very free so I've been trying out new recipes. SOme work some don't. What else??
December. End of the year. Yeah normally this is the most emotional period coz I'll automatically round up the year and start thinking of what I've done throughout the year. Did I accomplish what I'm suppose to? Did I regret in stuff? The first week of December I got my internship. Was kinda happy and relief at least I know where I'm heading. Thought of studying but in the end failed. Played alot of computer games especially with friends. Then come christmas. Just 1 week before Christmas I decided to visit Oliver and Nikki. Went there for about 5 days. Enjoyed quite alot. First time walking in a forest and got lost. Played rubik cube and now I'm so addicted to it I eventually bought one for myself to play. All in all, christmas wasn't that bad but new year was kinda so so. Had 2 friends for dinner together, hang out in my room, playing Chinese Chess. at midnight, fireworks all around and that's bout it.
So, there goes the monthly summary. Once again I'll do an overall summary. The good things are :
1. Travelling
2.completing lots of exams this year
3.guitar and cooking skills improved
4.pick up new hobbies like playing rubik cube
5.meet up with alot of my college mates and KS in Europe
6.Spent alot of money lolx
Bad things are :
1.Done awful moves
2.Being very emo
3.wasted alot of time and money
4.Still a sucker with no looks, no brain and no talent
5.Still severely stuck in da past
6.health level getting worse
7.headaches more often than before
8.Screwed up my personal life
9.lost my personality
10.getting more n more impatient
Happy 2008!!!
Those who know chinese, will definately know the exact meaning of 失恋. I can't find an english word for it, except lost of love? But when i translate it in google, I found this world lovelorn. It might be funny to you guys who've already known this word for long time. But don't laugh at me, though I'm relatively good in English, but I've lots of vocab that i don't know about it. I mean even my grammer sux most of the time.
Ok back to the topic. Most people will think, that lovelorn occurs after a break up. But that's just the smallest bit of understanding. I've broke up 4 times already, does that mean I 失恋 for 4 times? Nah I don't think so. The way I understand things, 失恋 happen when you finally realize that the person you love, doesn't love you anymore. Or you realize that you're in love with someone but the someone doesn't love you. Break up can mean alot of things, maybe the reason for break up is because of some problems between both of them, but that doesn't mean they get lovelorn because they might still have feelings, just so misunderstanding that can cause the break up. The major difference is that breakup is an incident but lovelorn is an emotion.
After my recent break up, I never felt lovelorn because I knew the reason for breaking up is for both sides to be good. I might be wrong, but I strongly believe that the person I love still have strong feeling on me. That's why I never felt lovelorn, I only felt lonely. But now, I really felt the feeling of lovelorn, due to some "signals" send by the other person. You know our reaction is always based on our first instinct. For example, if you're English educated person, and you accidentally knocked a German(you know the language), you'll find that the first word you say is sorry instead of Entschuldigung. You can find lots of reason/excuses for denying what your first instinct is, but that's the fact. And usually instinct comes from the heart.
I guess nobody will understand how i feel, and so do i. I just wish I can be emotionless at this point. But in opposite, my emotion is getting richer now. Anywayz,
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone who visited my blog.
Ok back to the topic. Most people will think, that lovelorn occurs after a break up. But that's just the smallest bit of understanding. I've broke up 4 times already, does that mean I 失恋 for 4 times? Nah I don't think so. The way I understand things, 失恋 happen when you finally realize that the person you love, doesn't love you anymore. Or you realize that you're in love with someone but the someone doesn't love you. Break up can mean alot of things, maybe the reason for break up is because of some problems between both of them, but that doesn't mean they get lovelorn because they might still have feelings, just so misunderstanding that can cause the break up. The major difference is that breakup is an incident but lovelorn is an emotion.
After my recent break up, I never felt lovelorn because I knew the reason for breaking up is for both sides to be good. I might be wrong, but I strongly believe that the person I love still have strong feeling on me. That's why I never felt lovelorn, I only felt lonely. But now, I really felt the feeling of lovelorn, due to some "signals" send by the other person. You know our reaction is always based on our first instinct. For example, if you're English educated person, and you accidentally knocked a German(you know the language), you'll find that the first word you say is sorry instead of Entschuldigung. You can find lots of reason/excuses for denying what your first instinct is, but that's the fact. And usually instinct comes from the heart.
I guess nobody will understand how i feel, and so do i. I just wish I can be emotionless at this point. But in opposite, my emotion is getting richer now. Anywayz,
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone who visited my blog.
Those sweet memories you have, normally it happens with two party or more. I have alot of sweet memories. Examples like trips with friends, trip with family, outings with buddies, guitar session with guitar mate and so on. I always felt that if that's an unforgettable memory for me, it also should be for the other party involved. But I was wrong. Not all the time. Today a group of 5 of us had a guitar learning/playing session. One of it was my classmate. Last time I used to bring my laptop to class and we play games together in class such as NBA live and football game. To me though it's a small thingy, but it's worth remembering. Playing in class when lectures are held, lolz. So I did mentioned abit, and that guy was like blur blur. He played wif me NBA and we play as team against computer. we made lots of smooth move like alley-oop n stuff, but he just forgotten bout it. Maybe i can remember things better. Of course it's just an example. There are many situations where only I remember the stuff, i felt it was a great time, but not the other party. But i think it's not worth mentioning here.
Anywayz, another 9 days till christmas. Everyone is planning on something. Those new UKMers are going to Switzerland/Austria. Tharsis is going London. The new juniors are going Hamburg. Me?? No where. Nvm. Shan has her friend dinner party, Adrian is going to his father's friend's house for christmas eve. I guess I'll be at home, singing 3 songs with my guitar - Lonely Christmas, 寂寞的季节, and silent night. It will be me, my guitar and my set of drama/variety shows/games. At least last year I get to talk to someone on the phone/MSN. This year nothing at all. Whatever...Merry Christmas everyone!!!
Btw, yesterday me Betrand and Adrian had a small LAN party. We played CS. We tag team against bunch of bots. Was fun after so long din play with friends. At first my killing rate was 11-28. After a change of map, my form suddenly came back. At the last map, I was top. Though it's not as fun as form3, but no doubt I enjoyed it. We also played NFS Underground 2 with the wheelpad. We drove the Escalade for drifting. Damn lame. And a few days back I played RA2. Ta pao the Soviet Union!!!! Hahaha. Man, though these are the old games, but I enjoyed more than the new games. New games only focuses on graphics, but the AI and game play are getting worse i felt. But there would be one game I'll continue playing - Pro Evolution Soccer. KS is playing Final Fantasy 7 which soon i might play too coz RA2 almost finish di.
Sighz, life is as boring as ever. I have about 1 month before work start. What should I do?? I know I have to brush up a lil, but no motivation. I guess maybe next week I'll organize a small Christmas gathering, and guitar session. Lets see how it goes.....
Anywayz, another 9 days till christmas. Everyone is planning on something. Those new UKMers are going to Switzerland/Austria. Tharsis is going London. The new juniors are going Hamburg. Me?? No where. Nvm. Shan has her friend dinner party, Adrian is going to his father's friend's house for christmas eve. I guess I'll be at home, singing 3 songs with my guitar - Lonely Christmas, 寂寞的季节, and silent night. It will be me, my guitar and my set of drama/variety shows/games. At least last year I get to talk to someone on the phone/MSN. This year nothing at all. Whatever...Merry Christmas everyone!!!
Btw, yesterday me Betrand and Adrian had a small LAN party. We played CS. We tag team against bunch of bots. Was fun after so long din play with friends. At first my killing rate was 11-28. After a change of map, my form suddenly came back. At the last map, I was top. Though it's not as fun as form3, but no doubt I enjoyed it. We also played NFS Underground 2 with the wheelpad. We drove the Escalade for drifting. Damn lame. And a few days back I played RA2. Ta pao the Soviet Union!!!! Hahaha. Man, though these are the old games, but I enjoyed more than the new games. New games only focuses on graphics, but the AI and game play are getting worse i felt. But there would be one game I'll continue playing - Pro Evolution Soccer. KS is playing Final Fantasy 7 which soon i might play too coz RA2 almost finish di.
Sighz, life is as boring as ever. I have about 1 month before work start. What should I do?? I know I have to brush up a lil, but no motivation. I guess maybe next week I'll organize a small Christmas gathering, and guitar session. Lets see how it goes.....
I might not be a very perfect person, but I always try to plan my steps carefully, and hopefully I will not get wrong. I know that humans do make mistakes, but I always tell myself to be careful not to make mistakes so that I don't have to be criticize by anyone. But I recently realized that I've been very wrong in things I've done.
I'll start way back from the past. In form 4 I started having a girlfriend. At that time, people used to know me as the Mr Good Guy. My girlfriend at that time was relatively sassy. Everytime she did something wrong, I have to cover up for her. I'll try to fulfill whatever she wants, without even thinking whether I'm able to do it or not. Well, I'm a very low self confident person, and I know I have to do double effort, or triple in order to keep my girlfriend by my side. Furthermore it's my first, and I'll do everything I could in order to stay in this relationships. I have friends telling me it's not worth doing so, and I just don't bother about it. Many times I've been invited for bball games, or outing by friends, but i fly kite. When I was in College, I start to feel very proud that I'm such a person. I've break up with her 2 times, with 1 of those I initiated it. I gave reasons because I've been hurt over and over again. At that time I've been very cruel to her. But after two months, my tears start dropping. I've regret of what I've just done, and I promise myself and to her that I'll not hurt her anymore. In that 2 months of break up period, she'd done really alot in order to get me back, but i was just so cold to her. You can use the world inhuman to describe what I've done. But miracle number 1 happen to me. I was given a second chance and we both got back together. Months after we get back together, I had this thing set in mind, that i'm mister good guy. So whatever you do, you must think if you've done right or not. Again, I believe I've been treating her really badly, which of course I don't see it at that time.
Finally in 2004, the 3rd break up occurs. the break up lasted 2 years. During this period, both of us walked on our life in different style. But most of the time I've been trying to prove that she's in the wrong, and it's all her fault. I just try to get attention from everyone that she hurt me so deeply. Even my previous post, whether directly or indirectly I've been trying to send a message to everyone that it's never my fault. However, we get back together in 2006. Miracle number 2 happen. Though our relationship was an up and down unstable one, and it's a LDR, but we manage to keep till last June, where i broke up with her again. At that time I had lots of reason for this break up, and convince everyone to believe that I've made the right path. maybe i was selfish, but I believe is for our own good. But time proven my decision wrong.
I've always being the ridiculous one. I've been the mean party between the both of us. I always try to find fault from her, but the biggest fault occur in myself. I've made a big promise not to hurt her anymore, but yet I hurt her again and again, and especially the latest one which is the break up in June. I was fortunate to know that both of us still have feelings for each other, but I believe it won't be for long. Why??? Because I know I'm not the Mr Good Guy anymore. Though we've been contacting each other in emails/telephones, but each time all i know is to hurt her over and over again. It turns out to be that I'm mr evil!!! At this very moment, I felt deeply the guiltyness and all the bad things I've done. During the first break up, I felt that I deserve better. But now, i wish someone could punish me hard. I don't expect anything from her anymore, not even another chance. I've wasted too many di, and I'm starting to lose confidence in myself anymore. Maybe I should just stay single, that way no one will get hurt.
I just wish the best for her now. No matter what happen in the future, I'm really glad that I've been given so many chances, and most importantly I've been given a chance to had such a wonderful moment. Thank you and sorry.....
I'll start way back from the past. In form 4 I started having a girlfriend. At that time, people used to know me as the Mr Good Guy. My girlfriend at that time was relatively sassy. Everytime she did something wrong, I have to cover up for her. I'll try to fulfill whatever she wants, without even thinking whether I'm able to do it or not. Well, I'm a very low self confident person, and I know I have to do double effort, or triple in order to keep my girlfriend by my side. Furthermore it's my first, and I'll do everything I could in order to stay in this relationships. I have friends telling me it's not worth doing so, and I just don't bother about it. Many times I've been invited for bball games, or outing by friends, but i fly kite. When I was in College, I start to feel very proud that I'm such a person. I've break up with her 2 times, with 1 of those I initiated it. I gave reasons because I've been hurt over and over again. At that time I've been very cruel to her. But after two months, my tears start dropping. I've regret of what I've just done, and I promise myself and to her that I'll not hurt her anymore. In that 2 months of break up period, she'd done really alot in order to get me back, but i was just so cold to her. You can use the world inhuman to describe what I've done. But miracle number 1 happen to me. I was given a second chance and we both got back together. Months after we get back together, I had this thing set in mind, that i'm mister good guy. So whatever you do, you must think if you've done right or not. Again, I believe I've been treating her really badly, which of course I don't see it at that time.
Finally in 2004, the 3rd break up occurs. the break up lasted 2 years. During this period, both of us walked on our life in different style. But most of the time I've been trying to prove that she's in the wrong, and it's all her fault. I just try to get attention from everyone that she hurt me so deeply. Even my previous post, whether directly or indirectly I've been trying to send a message to everyone that it's never my fault. However, we get back together in 2006. Miracle number 2 happen. Though our relationship was an up and down unstable one, and it's a LDR, but we manage to keep till last June, where i broke up with her again. At that time I had lots of reason for this break up, and convince everyone to believe that I've made the right path. maybe i was selfish, but I believe is for our own good. But time proven my decision wrong.
I've always being the ridiculous one. I've been the mean party between the both of us. I always try to find fault from her, but the biggest fault occur in myself. I've made a big promise not to hurt her anymore, but yet I hurt her again and again, and especially the latest one which is the break up in June. I was fortunate to know that both of us still have feelings for each other, but I believe it won't be for long. Why??? Because I know I'm not the Mr Good Guy anymore. Though we've been contacting each other in emails/telephones, but each time all i know is to hurt her over and over again. It turns out to be that I'm mr evil!!! At this very moment, I felt deeply the guiltyness and all the bad things I've done. During the first break up, I felt that I deserve better. But now, i wish someone could punish me hard. I don't expect anything from her anymore, not even another chance. I've wasted too many di, and I'm starting to lose confidence in myself anymore. Maybe I should just stay single, that way no one will get hurt.
I just wish the best for her now. No matter what happen in the future, I'm really glad that I've been given so many chances, and most importantly I've been given a chance to had such a wonderful moment. Thank you and sorry.....
Good news first. If there's nothing going wrong in this 1 month, I'll be starting my internship on the 15th January in a research institute called Fraunhofer Insitute of Microelectronics and Circuit. The institute is located just opposite to my University so one of the advantage is that i don't have to shift to other place. This institute mainly do research on Microelectronics and IC, mainly based on CMOS technology, microcontrollers, and so on. For more info log on to www.ims.fraunhofer.de
It's a german website but there's english page as well. Well, it wasn't my first choice but I'm more than glad. If I successfully complete my internship there, I think it's gonna be a major asset for me.
I've been watching a Hongkong drama called "Marriage of Inconvenience" ,两妻时代。 It's a story about this married couple divorce because of a huge misunderstanding between them. After divorce they still fight alot. The fact is that they both still love each other. Well, normally I won't watch this kinda drama, since I'm not into those romantic type, especially Taiwan series. But after a few episodes, I kinda hav alot of thoughts, especially reflecting myself. Sometimes it takes just more than feelings for a couple to stay in a relationship. It might be just a misunderstanding, but sometimes the misunderstanding is just a a spark plug to start the engine, but in fact there're a lot of problems behind it that was neglected.
Recently I've been very childish. But today, I suddenly wake up from my fantasy world. I start having thoughts and finally realize that my future aint the way it is in the fantasy land. Though we still have feelings for each other, but there're just too many factors that doesn't bring us together. I'm starting to lose grip on what I've hoped for. It's always painful to see the one you love is having someone else by him/her side. But if you're mature enough, you should let go the pain, and start blessing them on having a happyness and hopefully forever.
I'm being very pessimistic now. Sighz, I should be celebrating bout having an internship finally after so long. Yes I'm relief, but now I'm having emotional troubles. Sighz.....
It's a german website but there's english page as well. Well, it wasn't my first choice but I'm more than glad. If I successfully complete my internship there, I think it's gonna be a major asset for me.
I've been watching a Hongkong drama called "Marriage of Inconvenience" ,两妻时代。 It's a story about this married couple divorce because of a huge misunderstanding between them. After divorce they still fight alot. The fact is that they both still love each other. Well, normally I won't watch this kinda drama, since I'm not into those romantic type, especially Taiwan series. But after a few episodes, I kinda hav alot of thoughts, especially reflecting myself. Sometimes it takes just more than feelings for a couple to stay in a relationship. It might be just a misunderstanding, but sometimes the misunderstanding is just a a spark plug to start the engine, but in fact there're a lot of problems behind it that was neglected.
Recently I've been very childish. But today, I suddenly wake up from my fantasy world. I start having thoughts and finally realize that my future aint the way it is in the fantasy land. Though we still have feelings for each other, but there're just too many factors that doesn't bring us together. I'm starting to lose grip on what I've hoped for. It's always painful to see the one you love is having someone else by him/her side. But if you're mature enough, you should let go the pain, and start blessing them on having a happyness and hopefully forever.
I'm being very pessimistic now. Sighz, I should be celebrating bout having an internship finally after so long. Yes I'm relief, but now I'm having emotional troubles. Sighz.....
I had a small chat with one of my close friend today. She just had her birthday yesterday and I asked about how she celebrated it. Turns out that she really enjoyed it, receiving gifts and surprises from people she care. I guess it would be one of those memorable birthday for her. When i heard that, half of my heart felt happy for her, the other half felt jealous. Well, I have some nice bdays, but never great. I don't blame anyone coz my bdays are always not at the correct time. Since primary skul till secondary skul, my bdays are on exam period. And after that, it will be too late to have surprises. In College, i had my bday very close to A-level exams. And when I'm in Germany, not many ppl know bout my bday. Though I'm 22 years old but i never had a great kick-ass bday party. I'm a grown up but still hav this childish thoughts bout bday. I don't care, the next time I must hav at least 1 grand bday party. If I get the job on monday, I'll probably finish my job around march and maybe...i mean super maybe 0.05% that i might come back to malaysia for my bday before starting my thesis. Anywayz, I'm really glad to see my friends having a great time.
Do you believe that there's nothing in this world that won't change even a single bit? I don't. People around me change alot. Some change good some change bad. But sometimes it's also hard to determine wat's good wat's bad. It all depend on point of view. Well, I even dare to say some of my closest friend turn bad, bad according to my definitions. I know i shouldn't make such a big statement. I mean who am I do judge someone? I'm not that good myself. But I've seen so many things that has negative effects on me. However there're major part of it where i have to take responsibilities because of my actions. I'm still glad to have some close friends who are loyal to me, and my loyal to them.
I am super confused of what I'm doing here. I'm losing grip of my life again. I just felt that every step i made is just wrong. Sighz, I really don't know what's wrong with me.
Anywayz, I'm tired today and feeling sick.
Do you believe that there's nothing in this world that won't change even a single bit? I don't. People around me change alot. Some change good some change bad. But sometimes it's also hard to determine wat's good wat's bad. It all depend on point of view. Well, I even dare to say some of my closest friend turn bad, bad according to my definitions. I know i shouldn't make such a big statement. I mean who am I do judge someone? I'm not that good myself. But I've seen so many things that has negative effects on me. However there're major part of it where i have to take responsibilities because of my actions. I'm still glad to have some close friends who are loyal to me, and my loyal to them.
I am super confused of what I'm doing here. I'm losing grip of my life again. I just felt that every step i made is just wrong. Sighz, I really don't know what's wrong with me.
Anywayz, I'm tired today and feeling sick.
It's December already. Another 3 weeks time, Christmas will be here. I had a different Christmas every year, some happy some sad. In 2004 I had a super lonely Christmas. Basically Christmas at that year seems to me more like an ordinary day. 2005 wasn't bad. I had christmas in Dublin with my brothers and his friends. I had a 3 days straight Christmas party in different person's house. But felt sometimes a lil awkward coz they're all doctors except me. 2006 was kinda peaceful. Just had some chats wif pals on the phone/MSN. This year I don't think there would be any difference. I haven't been receiving Christmas gifts for a long long time. So pathetic. Well gifts are not so important actually but once in a while I would become childish thinking bout my childhood days where we exchange gifts every year. The best gift i ever had on christmas during childhood was the captain hook sword, damn yeng lolx.
Sighz, you guys know the word "Jiwang" right? For those who don't, it means sort of having some flashbacks. It's a word created by the east malaysians, according to Oliver, my ex-roomie. Anyway I've been jiwang-ing alot these days. Missing out too many things in my life. On Saturday, Tharsis, Thomas and I had dinner together and we sort of chat about our lives here. Tharsis is a very slack and flexible guy. To him, it doesn't really matter much where he is. He can just find things to do and get occupied with it. Thomas has been here for only couple of months but he kinda felt that he has no life here and feel like giving up already. As for me, after 3 yaers i've been here, I start to feel like how Tharsis felt. I hate the life here at first, but slowly getting numb. Though life wasn't that enjoyable, but I still manage to do something interesting over here. Travelling for example is one of it. I never dreamt that i could actually tour around popular places in Europe. But besides all those fun i had here, the most precious thing i gain is experience. I won't be proud of myself that I've completed a degree from Germany, or having a good grades for it. But I would definitely be proud of myself for all those life experience i had when i'm here.
But still, though i can some, but i lost more. Do you know where i watched those movies throughout the years?? I can only watch downloaded movies. I have to wait at least 2 months after release for movies. Everyone's blog is talking bout the movie, giving critics/ratings but I can only read it and try imagining how the movie is before getting to watch it myself. So far I've only been to the cinema less than 5 times in 3 years in Germany!!! The first movie was "Hitch" where i watch with my brother in Sony Center, Berlin. 2nd was "Basic Instinct 2" I watched in London with CK and friends. 3rd was "Harry Potter:Prisoner of Azkaban"(think so) in Cinestar Duesseldorf. 4th was "transformer" in UCI Duisburg. that's all. So pathetic. I wanted to watch so many good movies such as Elizabeth : the golden age, Hitman and so on. Sighz, no chance. I've missed out so many great movies, or great time where i could've watched wif my best bros. I missed karaoke sessions. Though I'm not a good singer, but I love karaoke for reasons. Now i can only play guitar and sing. I miss Jap food. I miss sushi. I miss driving. I know fuel prices increase alot these days but that won't stop me from driving if i had a chance. I'll work my ass off just to pay for fuel. I also miss the most basic thing, basketball!!! Now it's worse, it's winter and i can't do any sports at all!!! I'm not sure if i am as good as before already, almost 1 year din play. well actually i did but only pure shooting and 1 on 1. Did not really play match anymore!!!
I guess nobody understand how i felt, especially these period. But I don't expect anyone to understand coz u gotta be in my shoes to feel it. I guess Kelsen would understand how i felt. I felt much better blogging, and writing diary. But still i felt miserable. I wish i could sleep and just forget about the sad things.
Merry early Christmas everyone!
Sighz, you guys know the word "Jiwang" right? For those who don't, it means sort of having some flashbacks. It's a word created by the east malaysians, according to Oliver, my ex-roomie. Anyway I've been jiwang-ing alot these days. Missing out too many things in my life. On Saturday, Tharsis, Thomas and I had dinner together and we sort of chat about our lives here. Tharsis is a very slack and flexible guy. To him, it doesn't really matter much where he is. He can just find things to do and get occupied with it. Thomas has been here for only couple of months but he kinda felt that he has no life here and feel like giving up already. As for me, after 3 yaers i've been here, I start to feel like how Tharsis felt. I hate the life here at first, but slowly getting numb. Though life wasn't that enjoyable, but I still manage to do something interesting over here. Travelling for example is one of it. I never dreamt that i could actually tour around popular places in Europe. But besides all those fun i had here, the most precious thing i gain is experience. I won't be proud of myself that I've completed a degree from Germany, or having a good grades for it. But I would definitely be proud of myself for all those life experience i had when i'm here.
But still, though i can some, but i lost more. Do you know where i watched those movies throughout the years?? I can only watch downloaded movies. I have to wait at least 2 months after release for movies. Everyone's blog is talking bout the movie, giving critics/ratings but I can only read it and try imagining how the movie is before getting to watch it myself. So far I've only been to the cinema less than 5 times in 3 years in Germany!!! The first movie was "Hitch" where i watch with my brother in Sony Center, Berlin. 2nd was "Basic Instinct 2" I watched in London with CK and friends. 3rd was "Harry Potter:Prisoner of Azkaban"(think so) in Cinestar Duesseldorf. 4th was "transformer" in UCI Duisburg. that's all. So pathetic. I wanted to watch so many good movies such as Elizabeth : the golden age, Hitman and so on. Sighz, no chance. I've missed out so many great movies, or great time where i could've watched wif my best bros. I missed karaoke sessions. Though I'm not a good singer, but I love karaoke for reasons. Now i can only play guitar and sing. I miss Jap food. I miss sushi. I miss driving. I know fuel prices increase alot these days but that won't stop me from driving if i had a chance. I'll work my ass off just to pay for fuel. I also miss the most basic thing, basketball!!! Now it's worse, it's winter and i can't do any sports at all!!! I'm not sure if i am as good as before already, almost 1 year din play. well actually i did but only pure shooting and 1 on 1. Did not really play match anymore!!!
I guess nobody understand how i felt, especially these period. But I don't expect anyone to understand coz u gotta be in my shoes to feel it. I guess Kelsen would understand how i felt. I felt much better blogging, and writing diary. But still i felt miserable. I wish i could sleep and just forget about the sad things.
Merry early Christmas everyone!
Updates...
Well lets talk bout the serious thing first. Till now I've not gotten an internship but i'm getting reply from companies already. Good sign, though not the best. However I'll double my effort now. Lets see how it goes. 天无绝人之路. I will do whatever i can and i believe i'll not come to a dead end. We shall see how it goes.
As for others, Lets talk bout gadgets. Hmmm, I recently bought a USB guitar interface system. Quite cool. Now i can plug in my semi-acoustic guitar into my comp n record directly. It can also use software to generate different effects like distortion, delay, wahwah, phasors, flanger and many more. In another words i can make my acoustic guitar sound like E-guitar with different effects. Well I'm still a beginner in Audio Engineering, but i'm super interested in it. I'm learning from the basic now from internet how to make use of those effects. Of course at the same time practicing my scales. The only problem is that my guitar strings are too distance from the frets, makes it harder to press the key. I wonder how long hav i still hav to learn to produce my first real song...i mean a complete song, like those which has vocal, bass, guitar, solo, drums and other elements.
Life is like shit for me now. On the surface i look happy but i'm not at all. When i was having exams and all, I always complain life is so difficult. But now I wish I am back to exam period. At least I have an aim, which is to do my exams and therefore having a motivation to do some serious stuff. Now I'm just a slacker! In German = lackadasical. I know people are tellin me to get a job. Actually while applying for internship I'm also applying for job. So there's nothing much i can do anymore. Leaving in a foreign country where people dun speak english is not that easy at all. I mean in Malaysia to get a job it's like kacang. If can't get a technical job osso can get promoter job, survey, office boy and others. I mean of course I wan to have a job related to my studies, but for the time being i just wan to get a job that can at least earn some money for me to get some stuff. I've not been buying clothings for 1 year di. I've not been doing things that i want to do like watching movie, snooker, or maybe traveling. Everything need money and i don't want to spend my parent's money anymore except to pay rents and bills.
Btw that day I went Starbucks with Tharsis. Finally after so long. I've promised to treat him a starbucks coffee since he helped me in doing the song. It was enjoying though it was just a short 40 mins session. But these few days I've been thinking alot, mainly negative things. I mean it always started with those flashbacks wif those sweet ones, but then it turns to bad when i start to miss it, and then thinking of the future, thinking when will i have such a wonderful time again. I hate it when i have to look at my future, since nobody is able to see it.
Whatever la. I've learn to numb myself since i'm in Germany. After a while I'll feel numb and then i'll just forget the stuff.
Well lets talk bout the serious thing first. Till now I've not gotten an internship but i'm getting reply from companies already. Good sign, though not the best. However I'll double my effort now. Lets see how it goes. 天无绝人之路. I will do whatever i can and i believe i'll not come to a dead end. We shall see how it goes.
As for others, Lets talk bout gadgets. Hmmm, I recently bought a USB guitar interface system. Quite cool. Now i can plug in my semi-acoustic guitar into my comp n record directly. It can also use software to generate different effects like distortion, delay, wahwah, phasors, flanger and many more. In another words i can make my acoustic guitar sound like E-guitar with different effects. Well I'm still a beginner in Audio Engineering, but i'm super interested in it. I'm learning from the basic now from internet how to make use of those effects. Of course at the same time practicing my scales. The only problem is that my guitar strings are too distance from the frets, makes it harder to press the key. I wonder how long hav i still hav to learn to produce my first real song...i mean a complete song, like those which has vocal, bass, guitar, solo, drums and other elements.
Life is like shit for me now. On the surface i look happy but i'm not at all. When i was having exams and all, I always complain life is so difficult. But now I wish I am back to exam period. At least I have an aim, which is to do my exams and therefore having a motivation to do some serious stuff. Now I'm just a slacker! In German = lackadasical. I know people are tellin me to get a job. Actually while applying for internship I'm also applying for job. So there's nothing much i can do anymore. Leaving in a foreign country where people dun speak english is not that easy at all. I mean in Malaysia to get a job it's like kacang. If can't get a technical job osso can get promoter job, survey, office boy and others. I mean of course I wan to have a job related to my studies, but for the time being i just wan to get a job that can at least earn some money for me to get some stuff. I've not been buying clothings for 1 year di. I've not been doing things that i want to do like watching movie, snooker, or maybe traveling. Everything need money and i don't want to spend my parent's money anymore except to pay rents and bills.
Btw that day I went Starbucks with Tharsis. Finally after so long. I've promised to treat him a starbucks coffee since he helped me in doing the song. It was enjoying though it was just a short 40 mins session. But these few days I've been thinking alot, mainly negative things. I mean it always started with those flashbacks wif those sweet ones, but then it turns to bad when i start to miss it, and then thinking of the future, thinking when will i have such a wonderful time again. I hate it when i have to look at my future, since nobody is able to see it.
Whatever la. I've learn to numb myself since i'm in Germany. After a while I'll feel numb and then i'll just forget the stuff.
是我自作多情，现在自作自受. I put myself in a situation now and i hav to suffer from the consequences. I could hav just move forward and skip thru this step but I choose to stop there. Now everything is screwed up, and I'm screwed up.
The art of reading people's mind is something I would really wanna master. Of course I don't believe in human possessing extraordinary powers that can read other people's mind, like the cop in Heroes. What I mean here is to judge what a person's thinking based on his/her body language, eye contact, behavior, changes in a certain amount of time, verbal and non-verbal, and so on. Misunderstanding is so common, and it may cause a major problem if it is not handled well enough. Often misunderstanding is caused by a misjudgment and a misjudgment is often due to emotional problems. Emotion is something one should really watch out cause it could be a good thing, but when it's bad...it's Evil!!!
Recently I've been losing my sleep alot. I am tired physically but just couldn't sleep. It could be that something is bothering me, but till now, I don't know what it is. Yesterday was good for me coz i could sleep for 8 hours, but today was bad. I went to bed @ 11pm and i could sleep well but i woke up suddenly at 2am. Here i am now writing this post. Now I'm being emotional again. I just realized that I've missed out alot of things in my life. Throughout this 3 years in Germany, I felt that my life could be more exciting than what i have now. Maybe people look at me, and gets envy coz I was able to travel to different countries. Yes I'm proud of it and I'm lucky to have this opportunity. But sometimes i felt that people shouldn't envy me coz I also envy them in a certain way. 你有你好， 我有我好. I felt that I've missed out more than i gained.
Good thing about me is that I've improved. I'm a better person now compare to me last time. When I was in high school form 1, I was super nerd. But on the other hand it was good coz my results were superb and it builds up a strong fundamentals so even now I'm a slacker but my results won't be that bad coz of a strong fundamentals. I changed alot from form 1 till form 5, mainly become more outgoing, open, and mischievous of course. Till when I'm in college, I became materialistic, cunning person(i mean always hiding my intentions) and really turned bad in a certain way. But I felt I'm wiser now, I'm back becoming a good boy, I'm more independent, and most importantly I luv my family and appreciate them more than i did last time.
Now that I'm doing nothing waiting for an internship, i utilized my free time to brush up what I've lost before. I actually had a Grade 5 in piano but I gave up coz i felt at that time that piano is a girlish thing. Besides it was forced by my parents. Now i regret not going further with it. Then in form 4 I've learned classical guitar for 4 months but i stopped. I felt classical was boring and I don't learn to play modern songs, now i regret. If i would have learned my scales well and theory at that time, i could be playing lead guitar by now. Music is part of my blood, and not just listening to other people's song, but writing my own song is part of my dream. Now that my strumming is improving day by day, and I've step further by writing a simple but lousy song. I'm writing a second song now actually. I never thought of doing so since writing songs are like shit, but whenever i felt something, i'll just take a pen and write it down in a piece of paper. Now I've already hav 4 lines of lyrics. The oni thing is to figure out how should i sing it. I'm really enjoying these things. Hope it continues.
Anywayz, I hope I can get back to my life.
The art of reading people's mind is something I would really wanna master. Of course I don't believe in human possessing extraordinary powers that can read other people's mind, like the cop in Heroes. What I mean here is to judge what a person's thinking based on his/her body language, eye contact, behavior, changes in a certain amount of time, verbal and non-verbal, and so on. Misunderstanding is so common, and it may cause a major problem if it is not handled well enough. Often misunderstanding is caused by a misjudgment and a misjudgment is often due to emotional problems. Emotion is something one should really watch out cause it could be a good thing, but when it's bad...it's Evil!!!
Recently I've been losing my sleep alot. I am tired physically but just couldn't sleep. It could be that something is bothering me, but till now, I don't know what it is. Yesterday was good for me coz i could sleep for 8 hours, but today was bad. I went to bed @ 11pm and i could sleep well but i woke up suddenly at 2am. Here i am now writing this post. Now I'm being emotional again. I just realized that I've missed out alot of things in my life. Throughout this 3 years in Germany, I felt that my life could be more exciting than what i have now. Maybe people look at me, and gets envy coz I was able to travel to different countries. Yes I'm proud of it and I'm lucky to have this opportunity. But sometimes i felt that people shouldn't envy me coz I also envy them in a certain way. 你有你好， 我有我好. I felt that I've missed out more than i gained.
Good thing about me is that I've improved. I'm a better person now compare to me last time. When I was in high school form 1, I was super nerd. But on the other hand it was good coz my results were superb and it builds up a strong fundamentals so even now I'm a slacker but my results won't be that bad coz of a strong fundamentals. I changed alot from form 1 till form 5, mainly become more outgoing, open, and mischievous of course. Till when I'm in college, I became materialistic, cunning person(i mean always hiding my intentions) and really turned bad in a certain way. But I felt I'm wiser now, I'm back becoming a good boy, I'm more independent, and most importantly I luv my family and appreciate them more than i did last time.
Now that I'm doing nothing waiting for an internship, i utilized my free time to brush up what I've lost before. I actually had a Grade 5 in piano but I gave up coz i felt at that time that piano is a girlish thing. Besides it was forced by my parents. Now i regret not going further with it. Then in form 4 I've learned classical guitar for 4 months but i stopped. I felt classical was boring and I don't learn to play modern songs, now i regret. If i would have learned my scales well and theory at that time, i could be playing lead guitar by now. Music is part of my blood, and not just listening to other people's song, but writing my own song is part of my dream. Now that my strumming is improving day by day, and I've step further by writing a simple but lousy song. I'm writing a second song now actually. I never thought of doing so since writing songs are like shit, but whenever i felt something, i'll just take a pen and write it down in a piece of paper. Now I've already hav 4 lines of lyrics. The oni thing is to figure out how should i sing it. I'm really enjoying these things. Hope it continues.
Anywayz, I hope I can get back to my life.
Though officially I'm now a slacker, everyday sitting at home waiting for internship news. I'll either watch drama, or play guitar, or sleep, or cook. In this 2 months I guess i became more stupid since I've not touched any books and I think I've totally forgotten all the stuff I've studied even from the last semester. The only thing I've improved is my guitar skills and my cooking skills(depend on form osso sometimes). My room is a mess and I've done nothing to make it better. I might not be a super clean person but last time i'll still clean my room from time to time. I am so amazed wif myself that i can live in such environment for so long lolx.
However in the past 3 days I've been really busy wif some stuffs. Yeah the song i wrote and the MV. And also to think of other stuff where i can giv to her to make her happy during her bday. I don't know why I get excited during her bday, even more excited that she is. Last year I don't know how many times I've called just to wish happy bday. This year much less, and most of the time I've been sleeping since i've not have enough sleep for so long. I've ordered flowers and delievered it directly to her office. It was scheduled to be shipped in the morning, but they had delays. Made me kinda worried things might not work out. But anyhow it reached before she left the office and I'm glad. All the things I've done was just to earn a smile from her. I guess it all paid off since she told me she's really happy. Now mission accomplish.
Yesterday I was in Maredos with Tharsis for dinner. At first it was a separate meal but in the end he paid for me with the reason of having good result. The original plan was to have a starbucks coffee and i promised to treat him for all the work he did to edit my song. Anywayz we'll be heading to starbucks today. It's been a while since I've been to starbucks. Though it's a blardy US franchise, but i still luv their coffees. Not so sure why. Anywayz yesterday's meal was good.
Sighz now what?? back to a slacker. sighz!
However in the past 3 days I've been really busy wif some stuffs. Yeah the song i wrote and the MV. And also to think of other stuff where i can giv to her to make her happy during her bday. I don't know why I get excited during her bday, even more excited that she is. Last year I don't know how many times I've called just to wish happy bday. This year much less, and most of the time I've been sleeping since i've not have enough sleep for so long. I've ordered flowers and delievered it directly to her office. It was scheduled to be shipped in the morning, but they had delays. Made me kinda worried things might not work out. But anyhow it reached before she left the office and I'm glad. All the things I've done was just to earn a smile from her. I guess it all paid off since she told me she's really happy. Now mission accomplish.
Yesterday I was in Maredos with Tharsis for dinner. At first it was a separate meal but in the end he paid for me with the reason of having good result. The original plan was to have a starbucks coffee and i promised to treat him for all the work he did to edit my song. Anywayz we'll be heading to starbucks today. It's been a while since I've been to starbucks. Though it's a blardy US franchise, but i still luv their coffees. Not so sure why. Anywayz yesterday's meal was good.
Sighz now what?? back to a slacker. sighz!
Well recently I've been doing some song recording and things. I've wrote a birthday song for someone. Well the idea came about 3 weeks ago where I wanted to get something for her but somehow I'm in a deep financial problem. But i felt so uncomfortable if i don't do anything. I was thinking since recently I've been practicing my guitar and I felt I've improve alot in strumming, why not just make a song. Then comes the lyrics which is hard. But idea comes from time to time and finally I've managed to make a song out of it. A very simple song, lyrics are all simple words, describing some of our history. The music uses very simple chords repeatedly. So don't think I've written a great song, it's just a small effort. I even made a video clip out of it. Proud of myself knowing such limited music knowledge but still able to create this song. Though I'm interested in these stuff, but I'm too lousy to be good at it.
Anyways it took me about 2 weeks to complete the lyrics and about 5 days to think of the style n melody. I asked help from a friend to do sound editing. As for the clip i spent about 14 hours doing it. Quite an easy piece of cut paste edit clip. Now that it's finally done, I can get to rest.
Maybe due to my lack of rest, now i'm feeling grumpy and mood is swinging like a pendulum. I've too many things to worry about. Shall write it down some day.
Anywayz I'm not planning to go public wif the vid, so I'm sorry can't let u guys see. But who wants to see it anywayz?? Haha crap!
Anyways it took me about 2 weeks to complete the lyrics and about 5 days to think of the style n melody. I asked help from a friend to do sound editing. As for the clip i spent about 14 hours doing it. Quite an easy piece of cut paste edit clip. Now that it's finally done, I can get to rest.
Maybe due to my lack of rest, now i'm feeling grumpy and mood is swinging like a pendulum. I've too many things to worry about. Shall write it down some day.
Anywayz I'm not planning to go public wif the vid, so I'm sorry can't let u guys see. But who wants to see it anywayz?? Haha crap!
My heart, it's like 1 million ton heavy. For the past few weeks, I've been sleeping @ 4am the earliest and wake up around 1pm. I've been doing nothing but watching dramas and playing games. Some outings and dinner gatherings. Sounds fun right?? NOT!!! I'm just screwing up my life. I wanted to find a job but it's never easy. Have some barriers. Everyone around me is busy with something but i'm not. And trust me, i'm not trying to show how free i am, but instead I'm trying to tell u guys how useless i felt.
To those bloggers, I have a question for u guys. Have u guys ever look at your previous posts again?? Well I do once in a while to see what'd happen in the past. Maybe I'm just too Emo or Psycho. In fact i read most of the post way back since 2005. Of course i din read it in details since some of my post are really damn long. Erm in fact most of it are really long. But it's good enuf to refresh my memory by just sweeping it through. My mood turn worse when i was in the August, September and October 2006 section. Sighz, there was one comment by Jessica saying "it's fun going thru happy moments, but it won't be nice if it happen the 2nd time". I'd say, "damn i wish i can go thru those moments again".
It's november here. It's been 1 year 1 month since I'm back in Malaysia. It's the longest I've been out of Malaysia, out of my home. Why am I thinking all these things?? I know i should look forward, but each time i try to look, I'll get more fears. I'm just too coward to face the future. I've lots of expectations and hopes. But the more i hope, the more fears i'll have. 希望越高，失望越大。 I hav this instinct, or intuition, that there're part of the things which I'm putting hopes will not come thru. I'm sort of doing a gamble over here. Though i felt that the chances of happening is so low, but I still put hopes in it.
Anywayz, I know most of u guys won't understand what i'm trying to say here. It's my style of blogging. I don't usually put it so obvious. Honestly I hav a personal digital diary, which i'll write most of my feelings in it.
Btw, Joana is back in Germany for few days. She's my super senior and she left 1 1/2 years ago and now she's the chancellor of the UKM-UDE exchange program. When she was in Germany last time, we use to drink alot. Almost every week buying new type of alcohol to try out. At that time I was a super curious person, trying to find out wat is so nice bout alcohol but now thinking bout it, it was the most guiltiest moment. After she left I've seriously cut down and finally stop drinking totally bcoz I've made a promise to myself n someone. The day b4 yesterday we had a small dinner gathering wif her. She made Tom Yum for us and it was lecker!!! She invited me and a bunch of us to go club today but too bad clubbing is not my thing. Money is also a factor so i've decided to stay at home. Besides I felt really bad already doing nothing but oni going for parties. Maybe I'm not doing anything useful at home but at least I'm at home, makes me feel better. She and some UKM seniors are the ones that helped me so much during my first years in Germany. Without them, I don't think i'll survive till now. I'm glad to see her again and hope that she'll do fine in Malaysia. I'll come back "soon" and visit you Jo.
Oh ya, this post is mainly about my heavy feelings but i've not mentioned much bout it. But honestly I really don't know how to express it in words. Sighz. Guess after a good sleep i'll be fine.
To those bloggers, I have a question for u guys. Have u guys ever look at your previous posts again?? Well I do once in a while to see what'd happen in the past. Maybe I'm just too Emo or Psycho. In fact i read most of the post way back since 2005. Of course i din read it in details since some of my post are really damn long. Erm in fact most of it are really long. But it's good enuf to refresh my memory by just sweeping it through. My mood turn worse when i was in the August, September and October 2006 section. Sighz, there was one comment by Jessica saying "it's fun going thru happy moments, but it won't be nice if it happen the 2nd time". I'd say, "damn i wish i can go thru those moments again".
It's november here. It's been 1 year 1 month since I'm back in Malaysia. It's the longest I've been out of Malaysia, out of my home. Why am I thinking all these things?? I know i should look forward, but each time i try to look, I'll get more fears. I'm just too coward to face the future. I've lots of expectations and hopes. But the more i hope, the more fears i'll have. 希望越高，失望越大。 I hav this instinct, or intuition, that there're part of the things which I'm putting hopes will not come thru. I'm sort of doing a gamble over here. Though i felt that the chances of happening is so low, but I still put hopes in it.
Anywayz, I know most of u guys won't understand what i'm trying to say here. It's my style of blogging. I don't usually put it so obvious. Honestly I hav a personal digital diary, which i'll write most of my feelings in it.
Btw, Joana is back in Germany for few days. She's my super senior and she left 1 1/2 years ago and now she's the chancellor of the UKM-UDE exchange program. When she was in Germany last time, we use to drink alot. Almost every week buying new type of alcohol to try out. At that time I was a super curious person, trying to find out wat is so nice bout alcohol but now thinking bout it, it was the most guiltiest moment. After she left I've seriously cut down and finally stop drinking totally bcoz I've made a promise to myself n someone. The day b4 yesterday we had a small dinner gathering wif her. She made Tom Yum for us and it was lecker!!! She invited me and a bunch of us to go club today but too bad clubbing is not my thing. Money is also a factor so i've decided to stay at home. Besides I felt really bad already doing nothing but oni going for parties. Maybe I'm not doing anything useful at home but at least I'm at home, makes me feel better. She and some UKM seniors are the ones that helped me so much during my first years in Germany. Without them, I don't think i'll survive till now. I'm glad to see her again and hope that she'll do fine in Malaysia. I'll come back "soon" and visit you Jo.
Oh ya, this post is mainly about my heavy feelings but i've not mentioned much bout it. But honestly I really don't know how to express it in words. Sighz. Guess after a good sleep i'll be fine.
Is there really a fortune teller?? Are there really people who can predict the future?? For all those "heroes" series fans, I'm sure you're familiar with this man called Isaac Mendez. He had the ability to predict the future and draw it out in the painting. Lets enter the world of fantasy. Imagine there's this person in the world, and he draw tons of predictions and send it to the authority so that they can prevent each and every bad thing that's predicted to happen. The world will be in peace don't u think so??
Nah as for me, I don't think that will happen. If you know how the future looks like, you'll definitely try to change it. But the more you change it, the more trouble you'll cause, in my opinion.
The good thing is, i don't believe there's such person, or there's such powers which any of us can possess. The bad thing is, everyone is dying to know what their future would be. Sometimes I start to wonder what would i turn out to be. I mean, after couple of months when i finish my internship and thesis, I'll graduate as an Engineer. Then what?? Work as Engineer?? Field Engineer?? Sales Engineer?? Consultant Engineer?? or Engine-not-so-near(like what DaGodfather says)??? Or would i end up being a jobless person?? Maybe hawker seller?? VCD seller?? There are so many graduates each year, from different part of the country. The competition is so great, even in Malaysia. One has to be outstanding to be successful in career. Sad to say, I've no confident. I'm even lower than ordinary person. I felt like i don't possess any extraordinary skills. I'm a 废材.
I start to lose faith in myself. Losing grip on myself. Losing direction. Miserable. My friends in Germany are all telling me that they envy me because i have everything. I have lots of friends, I have lots of stuff, I have lots of free time and my private life is going smooth. Shit!!!! I don't have lots of friends. However this is something that i'm really proud of, coz though i dun hav many friends but i have quality friends. As for the others, SHIT!!! I wish i'm doing something now instead of rusting at home. Felt so useless. I have lots of stuff?? Not really. And by the way those stuff are bought using my parents money, i don't feel proud at all. I want to have things with the money i earn myself!!! I used to be materialistic, dreaming of having cool phones, up-to-date fashion clothes, Branded shoes whatsoever. Mann, i felt like those stuff never gave me any happyness at all.
SIghz,.......
Nah as for me, I don't think that will happen. If you know how the future looks like, you'll definitely try to change it. But the more you change it, the more trouble you'll cause, in my opinion.
The good thing is, i don't believe there's such person, or there's such powers which any of us can possess. The bad thing is, everyone is dying to know what their future would be. Sometimes I start to wonder what would i turn out to be. I mean, after couple of months when i finish my internship and thesis, I'll graduate as an Engineer. Then what?? Work as Engineer?? Field Engineer?? Sales Engineer?? Consultant Engineer?? or Engine-not-so-near(like what DaGodfather says)??? Or would i end up being a jobless person?? Maybe hawker seller?? VCD seller?? There are so many graduates each year, from different part of the country. The competition is so great, even in Malaysia. One has to be outstanding to be successful in career. Sad to say, I've no confident. I'm even lower than ordinary person. I felt like i don't possess any extraordinary skills. I'm a 废材.
I start to lose faith in myself. Losing grip on myself. Losing direction. Miserable. My friends in Germany are all telling me that they envy me because i have everything. I have lots of friends, I have lots of stuff, I have lots of free time and my private life is going smooth. Shit!!!! I don't have lots of friends. However this is something that i'm really proud of, coz though i dun hav many friends but i have quality friends. As for the others, SHIT!!! I wish i'm doing something now instead of rusting at home. Felt so useless. I have lots of stuff?? Not really. And by the way those stuff are bought using my parents money, i don't feel proud at all. I want to have things with the money i earn myself!!! I used to be materialistic, dreaming of having cool phones, up-to-date fashion clothes, Branded shoes whatsoever. Mann, i felt like those stuff never gave me any happyness at all.
SIghz,.......
Was browsing thru my pics collection moments ago. It's been 1 year 1 month i've not been back in Malaysia, the longest since I was here. About 4 months ago, I had a friend who asked me don't i miss malaysia since I'm not going back this year?? At that time, I thought things would be fine since this year I'm kinda more active here. I've been meeting alot of new friends. Though these few weeks i've been having lots of fun, like traveling or playing guitar, meeting Tharsis's church friends, party and so on, but i can't stop thinking bout malaysia.
Let me show u wat makes me more miss malaysia.....
Do I have to introduce the food above?? I'm sure u guys know more than I do...
Lately i've been having lots of "nightmares", lol. There was a day where i was dreaming that I'm having my bowl of 猪肉粉 in OUG, sighz when i woke up everything was gone. Another time where I dreamt that i was finding a parking lot in Midvalley. Home sick level to the max!!!
Of course, food is part of it. Others.....
That's my mom....the day i was to take off to Germany in 2004
My dad on the far right..my mom beside me...notice my hairstyle at that time?? lolz...
Not to forget of coz, the 3 posers here lolz..!!!! Miss all those trips wif u guys and mamak.....basketball...
Our Mafia master......
Do I actually miss this fella?? erm i just miss his "sin kar lan" stuff lolz...Sheng Wa will understand wat i say....
Of course i don't have to mention again who are these people.....since it's in my previous posts...
And of course her...long story wif her...though we're not together anymore...but i miss her too....
p/s : "sorry i upload this pic w/o ur permission, if u mind just let me know, i'll take it off"
Of course I miss more than just these few of them...just that i don't have their pics.
Lets talk bout some stuff I miss in Malaysia other than people n food...
I miss it for a couple of reasons. Mainly it's bcoz most of the time I'll hang out here for movie or shopping(window to be more precise)..Generally I miss all the shopping complexes in malaysia coz u dun find those ard here in europe...
Mamak stalls....haha......
AHhh....One of my fave sports....
Proton Waja..that's what my father drives..and that's what i drove when i came back during summer hols last year...btw this pic was taken Manchester, UK...!!!!!
Gosh i can go on and on and on.....so i better stop here....
Let me show u wat makes me more miss malaysia.....
Do I have to introduce the food above?? I'm sure u guys know more than I do...
Lately i've been having lots of "nightmares", lol. There was a day where i was dreaming that I'm having my bowl of 猪肉粉 in OUG, sighz when i woke up everything was gone. Another time where I dreamt that i was finding a parking lot in Midvalley. Home sick level to the max!!!
Of course, food is part of it. Others.....
That's my mom....the day i was to take off to Germany in 2004
My dad on the far right..my mom beside me...notice my hairstyle at that time?? lolz...
Not to forget of coz, the 3 posers here lolz..!!!! Miss all those trips wif u guys and mamak.....basketball...
Our Mafia master......
Do I actually miss this fella?? erm i just miss his "sin kar lan" stuff lolz...Sheng Wa will understand wat i say....
Of course i don't have to mention again who are these people.....since it's in my previous posts...
And of course her...long story wif her...though we're not together anymore...but i miss her too....
p/s : "sorry i upload this pic w/o ur permission, if u mind just let me know, i'll take it off"
Of course I miss more than just these few of them...just that i don't have their pics.
Lets talk bout some stuff I miss in Malaysia other than people n food...
I miss it for a couple of reasons. Mainly it's bcoz most of the time I'll hang out here for movie or shopping(window to be more precise)..Generally I miss all the shopping complexes in malaysia coz u dun find those ard here in europe...
Mamak stalls....haha......
AHhh....One of my fave sports....
Proton Waja..that's what my father drives..and that's what i drove when i came back during summer hols last year...btw this pic was taken Manchester, UK...!!!!!
Gosh i can go on and on and on.....so i better stop here....
Yeap that's right. I'm just a poker face. I'm a con man. Sighz I just wish the next morning i wake up someone is right in front of my door and slap me till I farking unconscious. All da while I'm just being a jerk and i didn't know about it.
I've been out of the blogging world for quite sometime i guess. That includes reading other people's blog. I'm kinda outdated wif my fren's stuff. So I decided to keep up wif some of those i care. And that's how i got to know that i've been such a jerk all the time.
Sighz, It's 1am now in Germany and I'm not so sure what I'm doing. All of a sudden, my mood is kinda down. I've been thinking again lately. Sighz, this internship is quite killing me. If i could I would have just chosen to do back in malaysia. Kinda miss home so much now. Not just home i miss of coz, I miss everything about the life i had in malaysia.
Don't know what else to write here, guess I'll just stop right here.
I am still working on the trip blog i'm suppose to post days ago. Shall be back soon.
I've been out of the blogging world for quite sometime i guess. That includes reading other people's blog. I'm kinda outdated wif my fren's stuff. So I decided to keep up wif some of those i care. And that's how i got to know that i've been such a jerk all the time.
Sighz, It's 1am now in Germany and I'm not so sure what I'm doing. All of a sudden, my mood is kinda down. I've been thinking again lately. Sighz, this internship is quite killing me. If i could I would have just chosen to do back in malaysia. Kinda miss home so much now. Not just home i miss of coz, I miss everything about the life i had in malaysia.
Don't know what else to write here, guess I'll just stop right here.
I am still working on the trip blog i'm suppose to post days ago. Shall be back soon.
Wualalala....here i am again. Was suppose to start a full throttle study today but as usual, I fail myself. No worries, I'm gonna stay at the library from 1pm till 6pm 2moro, hopefully lolz. So what did i do today? Nothing!!! lolz. Well a lil of window shopping in ebay and some on9 shops. Guess what's on my list this time? Guitar yeap! I already hav a classical guitar but i wanted an acoustic guitar(semi-acoustic preferred). I seen one, Harley Benton 89EUR, cheap and good. Another one Fender also at that price but doesn't have the band EQ. Sighz, in the end i gave up the idea. Don't ask me the reason, coz i couldn't find one myself.
I had a short chat wif wenni via skype today. All in a sudden i felt like having a webcam chat today. While chatting, i was browsing thru my precious pics. I decided to show her some and gosh it really digs up all the memories especially the time right after A-level. I told her maybe i should upload some of it. So here are the pics wif description......Lets go wif the time frame
2004
Mr Lim YS....the best chem teacher ever!!!!...
Almost towards the end of the last semester...our sj4p family photo...attendance not so complete though...
Left: The last day of A-level..me n nD wif our TAR shirts being signed allover...btw we wore that shirt into the exam hall...though childish but quite cool eh....
Redang : Owh we're suppose to jump n shout like hell..
Whats wrong wif u ppl sj4p?? just like to take pics looking upward...
Sj4P Ice skating session....
nD's bday i think....was suppose to be black n white dress code but blardy hell melvin n saimun din follow the rules....even wenni is wearing gray ciz!!!....
Result day : shiettttt!!! result teruk like hell...decided to sing our anger out....i think it was some linkin park song....
China press?? lolz Telekom roadshow 2004. Was one of the nice time i had wif gab n wenni....
Leler's bday....was sad day 4 me though....
My first farewell....where i got my haircut lolz...
Mooncake festival cum 2nd farewell....see this is why i luv them so much...sj4p has really done so much for me....
the week before i took off...in Rhythm..they're my bosses of the roadshow...
Ahhh I miss that blardy car!!!!
KLIA - the day where i have to leave Malaysia to a place called Deutchland....
Kelsen's wonderful masterpiece featuring Da Godfathar, Gabe n keenseng
2005
Ireland : My brother and I wrapped up our mom lolz....
Singapore : my hommies wif shadies.......
911 2005 : nD's bday n it was the first time sj4p did a gathering in OUG Thai Sabye Sabye...dress code bright colours..but leler n melvin wearing dark!!!
2006
The remaining of sj4p at KL in 2006. Honeystar OUG
Genting karaoke session.....first time wearing blazer in Malaysia....
Oli Ling Me Christmas dinner 2006
Of coz there're more pics but i'll just put up my fave...also since before 2004 i don't have digicam(or none of us have at that time). As u can see there are at least 70% of it are sj4p. Just in case u guys don't know what is sj4p, it was the class name during A-levels and that's the best time i ever had in my study life.
I had a short chat wif wenni via skype today. All in a sudden i felt like having a webcam chat today. While chatting, i was browsing thru my precious pics. I decided to show her some and gosh it really digs up all the memories especially the time right after A-level. I told her maybe i should upload some of it. So here are the pics wif description......Lets go wif the time frame
2004
Mr Lim YS....the best chem teacher ever!!!!...
Almost towards the end of the last semester...our sj4p family photo...attendance not so complete though...
Left: The last day of A-level..me n nD wif our TAR shirts being signed allover...btw we wore that shirt into the exam hall...though childish but quite cool eh....
Redang : Owh we're suppose to jump n shout like hell..
Whats wrong wif u ppl sj4p?? just like to take pics looking upward...
Sj4P Ice skating session....
nD's bday i think....was suppose to be black n white dress code but blardy hell melvin n saimun din follow the rules....even wenni is wearing gray ciz!!!....
Result day : shiettttt!!! result teruk like hell...decided to sing our anger out....i think it was some linkin park song....
China press?? lolz Telekom roadshow 2004. Was one of the nice time i had wif gab n wenni....
Leler's bday....was sad day 4 me though....
My first farewell....where i got my haircut lolz...
Mooncake festival cum 2nd farewell....see this is why i luv them so much...sj4p has really done so much for me....
the week before i took off...in Rhythm..they're my bosses of the roadshow...
Ahhh I miss that blardy car!!!!
KLIA - the day where i have to leave Malaysia to a place called Deutchland....
Kelsen's wonderful masterpiece featuring Da Godfathar, Gabe n keenseng
2005
Ireland : My brother and I wrapped up our mom lolz....
Singapore : my hommies wif shadies.......
911 2005 : nD's bday n it was the first time sj4p did a gathering in OUG Thai Sabye Sabye...dress code bright colours..but leler n melvin wearing dark!!!
2006
The remaining of sj4p at KL in 2006. Honeystar OUG
Genting karaoke session.....first time wearing blazer in Malaysia....
Oli Ling Me Christmas dinner 2006
Of coz there're more pics but i'll just put up my fave...also since before 2004 i don't have digicam(or none of us have at that time). As u can see there are at least 70% of it are sj4p. Just in case u guys don't know what is sj4p, it was the class name during A-levels and that's the best time i ever had in my study life.
It's the middle of September. As I've mentioned b4, September has always been a wonderful month for me, except this month. It's really a season of loneliness for me. Like what wenni said, 孤单和寂寞是有分别的。 Lonely and being alone are different things. Yesterday I took out my David Tao's Soul Power live HK concert VCD and rewatch it. I always said that music can really define my emotion, but i should make it clearer, LIVE unplugged music defines it even more precisely. In 2003, I attended David Tao's concert in Malaysia, which is why i had so much memories when i rewatch this VCD. Though i was only able to get the HK version, but it's almost similar. The concert happened on the 13th September 2003. 13th Sept 2001 was the day when i had my first kiss. 13th September 2006 was the day I recover the luv I've lost. What a coincidence. 13th Sept 2007, nothing much but just me in my quiet room, having flashbacks and thoughts, living in such a lonely atmosphere, listening to songs which really turned my mood upside down.
So far, my mood has been down day by day. The only thing I felt worth being happy was the conference chat session on Thursday and The Wii session last Sunday. We had a super long conference skype chat involving friends from US, UK, Germany and Finland. We chat from around 8.30pm german time till 2am german time. Though there are about 60% of crap talking and singing, but I really enjoyed it after such a long time we din have such a chat. I mean, most of us are in a different part of the globe, we never had the chance to really listen to each other's voice together at the same time. I really miss those time spent with the sj4pians, especially break times during A-level. As for the Wii session, i get to meet new ppl, and played Wii for the first time. Had muscle ache right after the session, but no regrets.
Honestly I am starting to lose grip on my own life. Emotions are taking command of my body. Remember I've always said, human splits into 2 part, the emotional part and the rational part. Sometimes it's clear what we're suppose to do, but Emotionally, we're reluctant to accept it. I know my weakness well, and I know previously I was just making up false hopes and refusing to leave the past as it is. I realized, and i'll do whatever it's needed to do to march forward. Whether I like it or not, I know i have to let go...........
So far, my mood has been down day by day. The only thing I felt worth being happy was the conference chat session on Thursday and The Wii session last Sunday. We had a super long conference skype chat involving friends from US, UK, Germany and Finland. We chat from around 8.30pm german time till 2am german time. Though there are about 60% of crap talking and singing, but I really enjoyed it after such a long time we din have such a chat. I mean, most of us are in a different part of the globe, we never had the chance to really listen to each other's voice together at the same time. I really miss those time spent with the sj4pians, especially break times during A-level. As for the Wii session, i get to meet new ppl, and played Wii for the first time. Had muscle ache right after the session, but no regrets.
Honestly I am starting to lose grip on my own life. Emotions are taking command of my body. Remember I've always said, human splits into 2 part, the emotional part and the rational part. Sometimes it's clear what we're suppose to do, but Emotionally, we're reluctant to accept it. I know my weakness well, and I know previously I was just making up false hopes and refusing to leave the past as it is. I realized, and i'll do whatever it's needed to do to march forward. Whether I like it or not, I know i have to let go...........
When i wrote my last post, I was in a great anger and some mixture of sadness. But after a while, I start to realize things. Yes I was angry at certain person. Now i start to realized that It was purely emotion not rationality. I almost forgot bout the whole point i chosen this path. Now seeing things are going as planned, I shouldn't felt any jealousy nor any harsh feelings anymore. Yeah of course emotion and rationality are usually a big contradiction. I know that my emotion will still conquer me 4 a while, but all in all it was fulfilling the purpose that matters the most. As i mentioned b4, it's time for a 360 change of my life. The first step is to pull out my feet from the ocean. Pull out from all these.
I was in temptation today. I group of juniors made a small feasting session, a sort of "get to know each other" type of gathering. I was among the seniors to be early there because I wanted to play basketball with them. Though the basketball didn't work out because some indian guys took the court for Cricket! The temptation came when they were making a decision to open a bottle of french wine. The moment i held the bottle on my arms, reading the french description of the wine, I start to think hey since i've no more commitment to anyone, I could hav a sip or two. But it was a good thing that i overcome this temptation, reminding myself i am still committed to myself!! In the end, i did not take it.
I've spent alot of money for the last 2 weeks on food and outings. When I speak about outings, u guys would probably think it was some cinema or clubbing etc etc. I find there're more things to have clubbing in a place i call "overseas". I mean if i spent my money here going clubbing, i would get to experience a different clubbing atmosphere here, but thinking bout it there're plenty of good clubs in Malaysia. I rather spend money on travelling, seeing different architecture and learn different culture. I can't imagine when would i have my next visit to Europe after i returned to Malaysia. Yes i had a plan to further my studies somewhere out of germany after 3-4 years of working. but i'm really not sure where would it be. I wanna do MBA but i don't wanna use my parent's money anymore. Of course the ideal case would be that i do my MBA in USA, but it's hell loads of money. Asian country would be a more realistic case. Taiwan, or even Hongkong. Lets' see how the future would be.
I'm slowly trying to throw out some "old" element from my brain. I was so fine when i was having my exam period. That proves one thing, all i need to do is to keep myself occupied wif work. So I'll not think of it too much. I just had too many flashback these days, but seriously though to most of u, my life is kinda dull. But to me i felt that i've actually been through alot. I've trade some precious money for some really good experience here in germany. This few days I've been coming home late, and it reminds me of those time i played bball at 2am in the morning. That's so crazy. But if u think i'm crazy, i'll tell u that there're even people playing at 2am too!! Lolz, guess KL ppl don't like to sleep.
I'm very talkative person. Since i was in primary school, my teacher tells my parents that. Yes i luv chatting, or gossiping. Asking me not to talk for a moment is like putting me in a cyanide gas chamber. But there's a difference between meaningful chatting and rubbish talk. As for me, my own definition of meaningful chats are either heart 2 heart talk, or an argument which both party put in effort to get their point clear. Some people just argue half way and they know they're not able to win this battle, they'll just end with words like "watever u say", "u win" etc etc. This only show how shallow u are. Even arguing, make sure u come out wif a strong argument. Having a good command in that language is an advantage but it's not a requirement. I just hate to argue wif people that doesn't have the skills to argue, sad to say especially girls. I'm not a sexist but most of the time i don't like to argue wif girls. Arguing is never bout winning for me. It's bout how much i enjoy it. Another type of meaningful chatting to me is that, i had a hell lots of laughter during that chatting session. Though my definition sounds different from the norm, but that's what it is.
ANywayz i've crapped enough for the day. I seem to be quite active in blogging again. GUess i could declare that I"M BACK!!!
I was in temptation today. I group of juniors made a small feasting session, a sort of "get to know each other" type of gathering. I was among the seniors to be early there because I wanted to play basketball with them. Though the basketball didn't work out because some indian guys took the court for Cricket! The temptation came when they were making a decision to open a bottle of french wine. The moment i held the bottle on my arms, reading the french description of the wine, I start to think hey since i've no more commitment to anyone, I could hav a sip or two. But it was a good thing that i overcome this temptation, reminding myself i am still committed to myself!! In the end, i did not take it.
I've spent alot of money for the last 2 weeks on food and outings. When I speak about outings, u guys would probably think it was some cinema or clubbing etc etc. I find there're more things to have clubbing in a place i call "overseas". I mean if i spent my money here going clubbing, i would get to experience a different clubbing atmosphere here, but thinking bout it there're plenty of good clubs in Malaysia. I rather spend money on travelling, seeing different architecture and learn different culture. I can't imagine when would i have my next visit to Europe after i returned to Malaysia. Yes i had a plan to further my studies somewhere out of germany after 3-4 years of working. but i'm really not sure where would it be. I wanna do MBA but i don't wanna use my parent's money anymore. Of course the ideal case would be that i do my MBA in USA, but it's hell loads of money. Asian country would be a more realistic case. Taiwan, or even Hongkong. Lets' see how the future would be.
I'm slowly trying to throw out some "old" element from my brain. I was so fine when i was having my exam period. That proves one thing, all i need to do is to keep myself occupied wif work. So I'll not think of it too much. I just had too many flashback these days, but seriously though to most of u, my life is kinda dull. But to me i felt that i've actually been through alot. I've trade some precious money for some really good experience here in germany. This few days I've been coming home late, and it reminds me of those time i played bball at 2am in the morning. That's so crazy. But if u think i'm crazy, i'll tell u that there're even people playing at 2am too!! Lolz, guess KL ppl don't like to sleep.
I'm very talkative person. Since i was in primary school, my teacher tells my parents that. Yes i luv chatting, or gossiping. Asking me not to talk for a moment is like putting me in a cyanide gas chamber. But there's a difference between meaningful chatting and rubbish talk. As for me, my own definition of meaningful chats are either heart 2 heart talk, or an argument which both party put in effort to get their point clear. Some people just argue half way and they know they're not able to win this battle, they'll just end with words like "watever u say", "u win" etc etc. This only show how shallow u are. Even arguing, make sure u come out wif a strong argument. Having a good command in that language is an advantage but it's not a requirement. I just hate to argue wif people that doesn't have the skills to argue, sad to say especially girls. I'm not a sexist but most of the time i don't like to argue wif girls. Arguing is never bout winning for me. It's bout how much i enjoy it. Another type of meaningful chatting to me is that, i had a hell lots of laughter during that chatting session. Though my definition sounds different from the norm, but that's what it is.
ANywayz i've crapped enough for the day. I seem to be quite active in blogging again. GUess i could declare that I"M BACK!!!
How many of u guys believed that smoking can distress, drinking can make u numb from all the sad things u're facing? As for me, i don't believe in all these shits!! 4 things i won't do, drinking, smoking, taking drugs and gambling. I actually set those rules since i was young. Just right before i came to germany, something really bad happened to me, which at that time couldn't control myself anymore. I was too childish at that time. I thought alcohol can sterilize a person's pain. There's where it all started. 2 cans of carlsberg in my condominium about 2am in the morning. So did it work?? what do u think???
After landed in germany, i get to know that alcohol here are tax free and are cheaper than malaysia. From time to time, Me and a bunch a new friends, will get some new alcohol we've not tried before. My first bought was Jack Daniels since I saw one bottle of it in Sheng Wa's house b4 i left. I start to luv it for some reason. We tried so many others, martini, vodka, white beer, tequila, sangria. Though i'm still weak at drinking, but it's like alcohol came into my life since. The first time i came back to malaysia, i attended Gold Win's bday party. again we had chivas. Then when i visited my brother in Ireland, Guinness and Baileys. In UK Johnny walker. I even had some weird alcohols which i don't remember their names.
So what am i trying to say at this point?? The question now is did i ever enjoy it? Answer is No! Since April last year, I totally stop drinking anymore. I start to realized that I'm losing myself as in those 4 things i've mentioned before. How can i break such a rules i set for myself? I totally stops. There's one significant effect, i felt more healthy since then. The only part which i allow alcohol to come is cooking wine. Some food taste special with cooking wine, or even dishes like XO sauce steak etc etc. But i'll not drink alcohol anymore.
Why did i mentioned bout alcohol? Because I was disappointed with someone. I always tell someone not to think of the past, not to think of the bad things they've done. Forgive is forgive. But I guess i failed myself. One of the main reason i stop alcohol is because of someone that i care of, the words that came out from her mouth, it's a commitment to myself and to her. But guess what, some people doesn't realized what they've said before. Probably they don't realized how serious their words are. I hate it when i did something i thought it would make me and the other party happier but behind me, they're doing the things themselves. It's the same reason why i started playing snooker. Somebody forbid me to play because usually a snooker center are filted with nicotine. But on the other hand, that person was doing the things which i'm forbidden to do so. It was all about commitment and mutual respect, but sometimes i felt unfair that i respect, i commit to it, but the other side is not.
Anywayz, I'm really in a feeling which no one can describe. It's not my business actually, but just don't know why i care. Maybe it's my personality. I can't be a cold blooded person. But i really hope one day i will. It's time for a 360 change in my life again.
After landed in germany, i get to know that alcohol here are tax free and are cheaper than malaysia. From time to time, Me and a bunch a new friends, will get some new alcohol we've not tried before. My first bought was Jack Daniels since I saw one bottle of it in Sheng Wa's house b4 i left. I start to luv it for some reason. We tried so many others, martini, vodka, white beer, tequila, sangria. Though i'm still weak at drinking, but it's like alcohol came into my life since. The first time i came back to malaysia, i attended Gold Win's bday party. again we had chivas. Then when i visited my brother in Ireland, Guinness and Baileys. In UK Johnny walker. I even had some weird alcohols which i don't remember their names.
So what am i trying to say at this point?? The question now is did i ever enjoy it? Answer is No! Since April last year, I totally stop drinking anymore. I start to realized that I'm losing myself as in those 4 things i've mentioned before. How can i break such a rules i set for myself? I totally stops. There's one significant effect, i felt more healthy since then. The only part which i allow alcohol to come is cooking wine. Some food taste special with cooking wine, or even dishes like XO sauce steak etc etc. But i'll not drink alcohol anymore.
Why did i mentioned bout alcohol? Because I was disappointed with someone. I always tell someone not to think of the past, not to think of the bad things they've done. Forgive is forgive. But I guess i failed myself. One of the main reason i stop alcohol is because of someone that i care of, the words that came out from her mouth, it's a commitment to myself and to her. But guess what, some people doesn't realized what they've said before. Probably they don't realized how serious their words are. I hate it when i did something i thought it would make me and the other party happier but behind me, they're doing the things themselves. It's the same reason why i started playing snooker. Somebody forbid me to play because usually a snooker center are filted with nicotine. But on the other hand, that person was doing the things which i'm forbidden to do so. It was all about commitment and mutual respect, but sometimes i felt unfair that i respect, i commit to it, but the other side is not.
Anywayz, I'm really in a feeling which no one can describe. It's not my business actually, but just don't know why i care. Maybe it's my personality. I can't be a cold blooded person. But i really hope one day i will. It's time for a 360 change in my life again.
Remember what i've said in the previous post? A sad streak is about to fall on me. It'll start today. Today is the 30th August. Today is merdeka eve and it usually where all the good times begin. But this year it's dead end. I have a good memory. This usually is my strength, but it's also my greatest weakness. I can remember all the good moments, not just remembering but it its as if it happens just moments ago. I felt the same thing when i think about it when the incident occurs. I still remember the exact location i was last year at this time around. We were in Starbucks Midvalley. First time taking pics in Starbucks. Went for movie, "Click" if i remembered. Went for supper after the movie in Cheras. Then back to Sg Long. Both of us chatting in the car while waiting for other hommies to join us 4 2nd round of supper. First time I held ur hands after such a long time. Feeling all came back. That's the summary of it.
I'm an emotional person. Again it's my greatest strength and also my greatest weakness. But if given a choice, I wish i could be a cold hearted person right at this moment. I wish there's some drugs that could sterilize my feelings now. Make me numb...!!!!
U know recently i've found out that alot of my strengths are actually my greatest weakness. I've already mention 2 above. Now let me just list the others. Being loyal and serious to whatever i do is my strength and my weakness. My sense of humor, one of my greatest strength, is now my greatest weakness. Usually when i hang out wif a bunch of fren, i made fun of ppl and myself or even non-living things to make everyone laugh. But recently i just knew that sometimes it could be very annoying, especially to girls. I used to be a serious person or kayu u might say, but since i'm in germany i learned that ppl will find more friendliness in me if i start making jokes and laugh out with them. But now i guess i have to cut all the craps and start be more quiet and serious.
Sighz, I guess i'm having my "period" again. I've never been such emo for a long long time. Btw on monday i watched Transformers in Cinema. Well i never thought i would be in the cinema in germany because all the movies are usually dubbed in German. It was a miracle that the cinema near by my place suddenly showed the english version of Transformers. It's been 1 year since i hit the cinemas. See peeps, how i can enjoy my life here when i can't even go to the cinema when i want to? sighz, Again memories. I still remember my last ever movie watched before Tranformers was "Devil Wears Prada". Though the movie was a so so movie, but i had a great time because i had the best company ever.
I believe that in my whole life, there's things i would change. I believe i'll grow up one day, be stronger one day, more independent. But i also believe there's one thing I'll never change 4ever n ever. Like what Tharsis say "Single but not looking for one". I'll be like that. Hope my emos will go away soon. Hope I'll get my internship asap. I'm really sick of this place and i wanna come home.
I'm an emotional person. Again it's my greatest strength and also my greatest weakness. But if given a choice, I wish i could be a cold hearted person right at this moment. I wish there's some drugs that could sterilize my feelings now. Make me numb...!!!!
U know recently i've found out that alot of my strengths are actually my greatest weakness. I've already mention 2 above. Now let me just list the others. Being loyal and serious to whatever i do is my strength and my weakness. My sense of humor, one of my greatest strength, is now my greatest weakness. Usually when i hang out wif a bunch of fren, i made fun of ppl and myself or even non-living things to make everyone laugh. But recently i just knew that sometimes it could be very annoying, especially to girls. I used to be a serious person or kayu u might say, but since i'm in germany i learned that ppl will find more friendliness in me if i start making jokes and laugh out with them. But now i guess i have to cut all the craps and start be more quiet and serious.
Sighz, I guess i'm having my "period" again. I've never been such emo for a long long time. Btw on monday i watched Transformers in Cinema. Well i never thought i would be in the cinema in germany because all the movies are usually dubbed in German. It was a miracle that the cinema near by my place suddenly showed the english version of Transformers. It's been 1 year since i hit the cinemas. See peeps, how i can enjoy my life here when i can't even go to the cinema when i want to? sighz, Again memories. I still remember my last ever movie watched before Tranformers was "Devil Wears Prada". Though the movie was a so so movie, but i had a great time because i had the best company ever.
I believe that in my whole life, there's things i would change. I believe i'll grow up one day, be stronger one day, more independent. But i also believe there's one thing I'll never change 4ever n ever. Like what Tharsis say "Single but not looking for one". I'll be like that. Hope my emos will go away soon. Hope I'll get my internship asap. I'm really sick of this place and i wanna come home.
22 years of life, about 5 years from these 22 years, at least those moments that are still stored in my memory bank, August/September has always been a good month for me. It finally came to an end. Though September hasn't arrive, but i can feel it, it'll be a difficult month for me. Bumpy road ahead. And I'm not so sure how prepared i am to face this bumpy road. Absorbers are not in good form these days to take all those bumps!
This paragraph is dedicated to one of my best and oldest friend. Deepest condolences to you and your family. Your father was a very respectable person. I know life is hard for you at this moment, and it'll be tougher, but as you said "I'M YOUR SON!". Do not fail him. And my role is to support you, no matter what you do, or wherever you are. BE STRONG!
So many things happened this year, it sparks up my feeling of going home more than the previous year. But it's painful, that i know i don't have a choice this year. I'm stuck in this lonely planet, where the things i want to do are limited by loads of obstacles. Instead I'm loaded with things and responsibilities which I'm so not in the mood to think of. I wish i could cry out loud! But i failed. Tears just won't come out. I've no one to talk to. This cold and killing wind made me felt like i'm alone.
I'm listening to musics which are the top of the hits chart in 2001/2002. I'm slowly turning back time mentally. I refuse to move forward. It's killing me to think forward. I know I'm childish, but i don't wish to grow up anymore.
I got nothing else to say.....perhaps i've too many things to say, but just not in the mood......
This paragraph is dedicated to one of my best and oldest friend. Deepest condolences to you and your family. Your father was a very respectable person. I know life is hard for you at this moment, and it'll be tougher, but as you said "I'M YOUR SON!". Do not fail him. And my role is to support you, no matter what you do, or wherever you are. BE STRONG!
So many things happened this year, it sparks up my feeling of going home more than the previous year. But it's painful, that i know i don't have a choice this year. I'm stuck in this lonely planet, where the things i want to do are limited by loads of obstacles. Instead I'm loaded with things and responsibilities which I'm so not in the mood to think of. I wish i could cry out loud! But i failed. Tears just won't come out. I've no one to talk to. This cold and killing wind made me felt like i'm alone.
I'm listening to musics which are the top of the hits chart in 2001/2002. I'm slowly turning back time mentally. I refuse to move forward. It's killing me to think forward. I know I'm childish, but i don't wish to grow up anymore.
I got nothing else to say.....perhaps i've too many things to say, but just not in the mood......
Woohhh...I thought this blog is gonna be taken off by blogger di haha. It's been ages since I scribble something here. Anywayz, I actually lost interest in blogging already. I sort of lost interest wif internet adi. Things like MSN, friendster, blog or skype, somehow I'm not so passionate towards these stuff anymore. I remember last time I could chat for hours in MSN/skype and logging on to friendster is like a daily routine. Anywayz I'll still keep my MSN coz there're still reasons for me to keep it. As for friendster, hmm we shall see.
Yeap! Anywayz I'm back wif a lil updates in case u might think i'm somehow shot dead in germany haha. Well, I was almost dead for the past whole month but luckily I survived. It was my exam period. However in general, I'm quite satisfied with my performance, especially everything was totally last minute. I start to realize that I'm actually smarter than I thought I was. The lack of confidence really made me stupid I guess. Anywayz, I had in total about 30 subs to take in my whole Bachelor course, and guess what, I've completed 16/30 sub in this year. Haha, that's crazy. Ppl think i'm exam freak this semester lolzzz. Well so far i had 2 results out and i did quite good. Well, lets hope i'll get what i expected.
It's 24th today. Last year on the 24th, I was in Malaysia. Sighz, this year i'm no where. I kinda miss malaysia and all the bunch of hommies whom spent their time with me last year. I miss someone really badly lately but I'm clear of what the consequences is. Some things it's easy to turn back, some once it's has passed, there's no more u-turn. Perhaps in the future, there might be some things happened. But 4 now, it's really hurting to think of it. Oh well, faith will decide what i'll end up to be, but till now i'm not confident in myself in this sense. I still believe that i was meant for no one. I'm not a person who knows how to care 4 someone, though i tried. I suck!!!
Oh well, for the time being, I'll have enuf rest, and from next week on i'll start doing some serious business like internships, and do some readings 4 the future. I've spent quite alot of money the whole week eating some good food. Last saturday I was in Maredo wif thars for some steak to celebrate my "microwave and RF technology" having such great result. on monday i was wif thars again in Pizza hut in Duesseldorf. and yesterday was New Orlean Pizza house for some pizza. then to subway to hav some sandwich. Well, after all the hard work, i guess it's worth it.
Gosh, can't believe i'm so tired. Ritez, that's all 4 today. I'm sure i'll be back soon 4 more. Jya!
Yeap! Anywayz I'm back wif a lil updates in case u might think i'm somehow shot dead in germany haha. Well, I was almost dead for the past whole month but luckily I survived. It was my exam period. However in general, I'm quite satisfied with my performance, especially everything was totally last minute. I start to realize that I'm actually smarter than I thought I was. The lack of confidence really made me stupid I guess. Anywayz, I had in total about 30 subs to take in my whole Bachelor course, and guess what, I've completed 16/30 sub in this year. Haha, that's crazy. Ppl think i'm exam freak this semester lolzzz. Well so far i had 2 results out and i did quite good. Well, lets hope i'll get what i expected.
It's 24th today. Last year on the 24th, I was in Malaysia. Sighz, this year i'm no where. I kinda miss malaysia and all the bunch of hommies whom spent their time with me last year. I miss someone really badly lately but I'm clear of what the consequences is. Some things it's easy to turn back, some once it's has passed, there's no more u-turn. Perhaps in the future, there might be some things happened. But 4 now, it's really hurting to think of it. Oh well, faith will decide what i'll end up to be, but till now i'm not confident in myself in this sense. I still believe that i was meant for no one. I'm not a person who knows how to care 4 someone, though i tried. I suck!!!
Oh well, for the time being, I'll have enuf rest, and from next week on i'll start doing some serious business like internships, and do some readings 4 the future. I've spent quite alot of money the whole week eating some good food. Last saturday I was in Maredo wif thars for some steak to celebrate my "microwave and RF technology" having such great result. on monday i was wif thars again in Pizza hut in Duesseldorf. and yesterday was New Orlean Pizza house for some pizza. then to subway to hav some sandwich. Well, after all the hard work, i guess it's worth it.
Gosh, can't believe i'm so tired. Ritez, that's all 4 today. I'm sure i'll be back soon 4 more. Jya!
哗啦啦啦啦啦啦啦，您找到自己了吗？我实在忘不了你所创造的歌曲，希望你的生日会过得太美丽，把寂寞的季节丢掉！！！ David, Happy Birthday. Music is Soul Power, and your music has the power to light up my day.
David Tao 陶喆 July 11th.
David Tao 陶喆 July 11th.
well, i need to spend some time off to blog. I've been struggling to keep myself in shape to study. Yesterday after class, I had a really terrible headache. It started off with a mild headache all over my head. It's everywhere but the pain is scattered and mild. I continue doing my stuff of course since the pain is not too serious. After a while, the pain starts to move and gather on the right side of my head and it affects also the eye area. I felt pain from my forehead all the way down to my eyes. I decided to take 2 tablets of panadol and then go to bed. Today morning i woke up around 6am and i still feel the pain, it was even worse than last night. I decided to take 2 panadol again. I had a class at 12pm actually and i was thinking not to go for class but to see a doctor. 2 things came across my mind when i had that pain. Firstly, since it affects my eyes I was worrying the same thing that would happen to me which happened to my Uncle. He was a sailor and had a certain disease. The symptoms was that he had continuous headache for couple of weeks and after that he's vision gradually became less until he couldn't see anything at all. Doctor made a scan of his brain and found that the brain is shrinking until a certain size, the human body couldn't function with certain part of the brain, and therefore he passed away. I was so freaked out when I had this headache especially when i felt the pain on my right eyes too. The 2nd thing I'm worried is that if this headache continues, I'll never get a chance to study and i'll never pass my examinations. I don't usually do this in life, but i decided to leave it to faith. I was thinking, if after that 2 panadol and a good rest and i felt better, i'll go to school and not seeing a doctor, otherwise I'll see a doctor. After a 2 hours sleep, i really felt better.
I'm starting to believe things that i never do before. For example horoscope. I read my horoscope from one of those sites today and for the last few weeks. I'll give u 2 cases. Last week it tells me that I'll face a gadget problem and true enough my printer wasn't functioning well. This week it tells me that I'll receive a call from a person that has not contacted me for a long time, and it did happen!! Sometimes these things are hard to believe, but when it really happens, u'll find it so interesting.
I hav 2 go. I'm feeling bad now. I think the headache is going to come back soon. Scheize, I hope it's not something serious. wish me luck.
I'm starting to believe things that i never do before. For example horoscope. I read my horoscope from one of those sites today and for the last few weeks. I'll give u 2 cases. Last week it tells me that I'll face a gadget problem and true enough my printer wasn't functioning well. This week it tells me that I'll receive a call from a person that has not contacted me for a long time, and it did happen!! Sometimes these things are hard to believe, but when it really happens, u'll find it so interesting.
I hav 2 go. I'm feeling bad now. I think the headache is going to come back soon. Scheize, I hope it's not something serious. wish me luck.
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